May 22, 2017
There’s healing help in knowing these four reasons why married people cheat.
Most people don’t become curious about the causes of infidelity until it’s impacted them personally.
Maybe they’ve cheated, are cheating, or are considering cheating and don’t understand how they wound up in this situation. Maybe they’ve discovered their spouse has been or is being unfaithful. Maybe they’ve found out someone close to them has had or is having an affair.
Regardless of your reason for wanting to understand what causes infidelity in marriage, gaining some clarity about the possible reasons can help you begin to heal from the repercussions of the betrayal.
In general, what causes infidelity in marriage falls into one of four categories.
- The straying spouse has unmet emotional needs.
Image credit: Unsplash
Among the many different feelings reported as being at the root for infidelity are loneliness, neglect, unappreciated, emotionally irrelevant, fear of growing older, sadness, anger, resentment, boredom, disconnection from their spouse, trapped, isolated, disrespected, insecurity and bitterness.
Of course experiencing feelings like these don’t mean it’s OK to have an affair. They simply indicate that the person experiencing them is in pain.
And when someone is in pain, they try to make it stop. Although there are many ways to alleviate…
Read more: What Causes Infidelity In Marriage?
May 8, 2017
You absolutely can feel better. You just have to start doing a few things differently.
The end of your marriage leaves huge holes in your life, in your identity and in your mind. And it’s these huge, gaping, bottomless voids that make you feel that your life is empty after divorce.
From my vantage point of having lived through the misery of a failed marriage and after that over a decade of helping others recover from divorce, I can tell you without any doubt that your life can be better than it is right now.
And the sooner you believe that your life can be better, the more quickly you’ll stop feeling "my life is empty after divorce".
There are basically two different reasons why people get stuck in the pain of divorce. First, their lives are so different from what they were before that they have a very difficult time accepting their new normal. Second, they are still reeling from the pain of their divorce.
If you’re struggling with the differences in your life now when you compare it to then, the best thing you can do is to work on acceptance.
Acceptance doesn’t mean that you have to approve of the way things…
Read more: My Life Is Empty After Divorce. Will I Ever Feel Better?
May 2, 2017
These 5 tips will help you feel victorious!
Making the transition from one half of a married couple with kids to being a co-parent is tough. One part of you never wants to see – much less communicate – with your ex ever, Ever, EVER again!
But another part recognizes that your ex is your kids’ other parent. And this part knows that your co-parent will be part of your life F.O.R.E.V.E.R…
You’ve got (at least) these two different perspectives warring within yourself every single time you have to interact with your ex. Every contact is a battle for you. And it’s got you completely stressed out.
You flinch when you hear your phone notify you of a new text. Your blood pressure soars when you see an email from your ex in your inbox. And when you know you’re going to see your co-parent you hardly recognize yourself.
The unhappy truth is that even though you’re not married any longer, your ex is still controlling you. And because they’re controlling you, they’re winning and you’re losing. Losing is not what you need right now. You’ve already lost enough with the divorce.
So it’s time to take control back,…
Read more: How To Win Your Next Co-Parenting “Conversation”
May 2, 2017
Are you REALLY thinking about their happiness?
Deciding if divorce is the best solution to the troubles you’re facing in your marriage is never easy.
In fact, it’s gut wrenching.
You’ve invested years in building a life together and the thought of starting over really isn’t appealing. It’s frightening!
But you’re not happy. You know you deserve happiness and so does your spouse.
And your kids deserve it too … especially your kids.
That’s the biggest problem: Your kids deserve happiness.
And right now, your belief is that they will never be happy if you get divorced.
Many couples decide that they can’t divorce because of their children. They believe that their kids deserve to grow up in an intact family, and that anything less will destroy them.
These couples choose to remain mired in their miserable marriages, for the sake of the kids.
Unfortunately, choosing martyrdom for the kids is a really bad decision.
If you choose to stick things out just for your kids, you can expect to face a number of problems.
Here are five reasons to reconsider staying together for the kids:
- Your kids will learn that marriage is about separateness, not togetherness.
By staying together for their sake, you’ll be teaching them…
Read more: 5 Reasons Staying Together For The Kids Is The WORST Idea Ever
May 1, 2017
Despite the trauma, you can beat the triggers of betrayal.
Discovering that your spouse has had or is having an affair is one of the cruelest betrayals you can ever suffer.
The person you chose to trust implicitly threw your trust away as if it meant nothing to them – as if you meant nothing to them.
Whether you decide to work on repairing your marriage or to divorce, you must figure out how to heal.
Probably one of the most difficult parts is the unexpected way seemingly innocuous situations can catapult you into chaos because something about it triggers you.
In these moments, the emotions and memories of your spouse’s infidelity come flooding back and everything else fades into the background. You’re hardly aware of how you’re behaving because your sole goal is to stop the pain and fear and to simply survive.
And living your life in fear of being triggered this is no way to live your life long-term. You need to have a way for dealing with the triggers that allows you to heal and move forward.
Here are the five best tips for surviving infidelity triggers:
- Accept that triggers are normal.
Until you’ve completely come to terms with…
Read more: The 5 Best Tips For Surviving Infidelity Triggers