Divorce Blog

What Infidelity Does To A Marriage May Not Be What You Think

Woman contemplating what infidelity does to a marriage.

It isn’t quite as cut and dried as you might think.

If you’re like most people, you got married with a certainty of two things:

1. You will be one of the lucky ones who made it to “happily ever after

2. If your new spouse ever cheats on you, your marriage will be O.V.E.R.

Being certain of two ideas that seem completely opposed to each other seems a bit strange. But that’s the truth of how most of us enter marriage – idealistic and protective.

These ideas reflect the society we live in. We’re taught from an early age to believe in fairy tales filled with Princes and Princesses that fall in love and live “happily ever after.” Yet we’re also taught that not everyone is to be trusted. So if someone betrays you in any way, the relationship with must end immediately.

Now that you’ve discovered your spouse has cheated, these two certainties aren’t quite as clear cut as you thought they were when you married. That’s at least in part because the idea of something is WAY different from the reality of it.

Maybe divorceisn’t the only answer after all. But that doesn’t mean your marriage can simply…

Read more: What Infidelity Does To A Marriage May Not Be What You Think

How To Overcome Your Post-Divorce Financial Fears

Your financial fears are a warning that you need to start thinking and doing things differently.

One of the biggest fears people facing divorce have is not having enough money after their divorce is finished. This fear strikes people of all income levels.

Now, the fact is that at first you won’t have enough money to continue living the lifestyle you had when you were married. That’s just what happens when you get divorced and you divvy up the assets and debts.

And being fearful of that change is natural because money represents important things power, security and freedom.

But your fear of not having enough money is about more than just not wanting your financial status to change. It’s also a call to start doing things differently.

And that’s because in general, fears are warnings. They alert us to the fact that there’s a risk or threat we’re facing and that we have an opportunity to do something about it.

No doubt you’ve heard that the fear response is fight, flee or freeze.

If you choose to flee or ignore your changing financial situation, chances are your financial situation will be much worse than necessary because you’ll attempt to continue to live as you…

Read more: How To Overcome Your Post-Divorce Financial Fears

What Life After Divorce For Men Over 40 Is Really Like

He knows what life after divorce for men over 40 is really like; so, this man is smiling.

These 4 steps will help you get over your divorce and on with your life.

Life after divorce for men over 40 is very different from what their married friends think it is. Their friends think that a divorced guy should immediately get out there and sample as many different women as possible and that will automatically help them get over their divorce.

In my more than 10 years’ work with men over 40, I’ve yet to meet one who can immediately jump from being what he thought was happily married into the fabled life of a playboy. (No, not even the men who cheated on their wives can easily do this.)

Men over 40 need time to shift from being a family man to being a single dad because you can’t just erase the lifestyle you’ve had for years as easily as flipping a switch. It’s more of a four-step process.

The 4 steps for embracing life after divorce for men over 40:

Step 1: Figuring things out

This is the time when you make all the big adjustments and learn to live on your own again. You’ll rediscover how to do the things that your wife used to do – like laundry, paying the…

Read more: What Life After Divorce For Men Over 40 Is Really Like

How Long Will It Take To Get Over Your Divorce?

Knowing these 3 phases of divorce recovery will help you understand exactly how long it will take.

The pain and confusion of divorce is so intense that at times you wonder if you’ve lost your mind. At other times, you worry that this agony is just how life will be from now on.

In less tortured moments, you know you’re still sane and that life will get better. But then you wonder when because you aren’t sure how much more of the misery you can take.

A quick Google will show you there are plenty of people who will willingly tell you exactly how long it will take you to get over your divorce. What you need to know is that they’re ALL WRONG.

These authorities are all wrong because they base their guidance on averages, observation, personal experience and personal bias. There’s no way any of that will be able to predict exactly how long it will take YOU to get over your divorce.

Divorce recovery is a process. You’ll get through it on a timeline that’s unique to you – not according to someone else’s.

So instead of looking for an exact time when you’ll be over your divorce, it makes more sense to look…

Read more: How Long Will It Take To Get Over Your Divorce?

The 5 Things You HAVE To Do To FINALLY Get Over Your Break Up

Because it takes more than booze and ice cream to truly heal.

It doesn’t matter if this is the first time or the hundredth time – break ups suck.

Logically, you know you’d never want a relationship with someone who doesn’t want you.

But logic isn’t where you go when you get the news that it’s over.

It’s just too shocking! Unbelievable!

How could they dump you after all you’ve done for them? Don’t they realize how much you love them?

You’re indignant.

In a short span of time you’ve already experienced the first two steps of dealing with grief after a break up - shock and anger.

But then something happens – you want to understand why it ended.

You quickly jump to the conclusion it ended because of you. You start thinking that maybe you aren’t good enough, or that you’re unlovable, or that there’s something else fundamentally WRONG with you. It’s the only thing that makes sense – somehow YOU must have screwed up for this amazing person to call it quits.

You start obsessing and over-analyzing your potential faults.

Maybe you ask your ex to tell you what you did to make them dump you so you can change and get the relationship…

Read more: The 5 Things You HAVE To Do To FINALLY Get Over Your Break Up

Feeling Stuck, Lost And Confused?

Divorce is one of the most painful and complicated things you’ll ever experience.

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Get your FREE copy of “What You Need To Know To FINALLY Start Healing From Your Divorce Right Now” workbook to help you start feeling better.

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