Being happy again isn’t a time thing. It’s a you thing.
One of the most frequently asked questions about divorce recovery is “How long does it take to be happy again?” It’s asked not only as a reflection of what seems like interminable pain, but also because there is so much conflicting information out there about how long it takes! For example, back in 2010, the Daily Mail reported that it takes EXACTLY 17 months and 26 days to get over divorce. Others report that it takes 2 years and still others say that it will take 1 year for every 4 years of marriage.
And you know what? All of these numbers are horribly wrong – at least when it comes to you.
Why? Because no one else has gone through EXACTLY what you’ve gone and are going through and no one else has your EXACT personality.
Yup, your personality has a lot to do with how long it takes you to feel happy again post-divorce.
Are you someone who carries a lot of negative emotion? Do you dwell on unanswerable questions about the past: “What if…” or “If only…”? Are your fears controlling your life? Do you doubt that you’ll ever be happy again?…
Read more: How Long Does It Take To Be Happy Again?
These eight tips are the perfect guides for healing after divorce.
Around the world, hundreds of thousands of people divorce each year. Some of these divorcees are able to heal and move forward with their lives. And some of these people become bitter and remain miserable for years and years if not the rest of their lives.
If you’re in the process of getting over your divorce, you’re probably wondering what’s the difference between these two groups of people because you want to do everything in your power to make sure you’re not part of the latter group.
The difference between these two groups comes down to whether or not they’re able to follow these 8 key pieces of advice for healing after divorce:
- Be Gentle With Yourself.Getting divorced is one of the most difficult experiences anyone can have. It’s exhausting emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually. So resist the temptation to put too much pressure on yourself to get things done despite the seemingly never-ending list of things you’ve got to get done. The truth is that if you don’t have the energy or mental capacity to accomplish your tasks, you’ll only be making a bigger mess of things. So take the time you need to…
Read more: The Divorce Advice You Need For Healing After Divorce
Resolutions are definitely not just for the New Year.
Obviously, you’ve heard of New Year’s resolutions. They’re those little promises you make to yourself on January 1st each year that you rarely follow through on. You have great intentions, but they tend to evaporate toward the end of January or beginning of February when life goes back to “normal” again.
But that’s one of the really great things about divorce. Your life doesn’t go back to “normal.” In fact, it will NEVER be that “normal” you had while you were married ever again.
And that’s exactly why making post-divorce resolutions is so powerful. You already have to change how you live, so you might as well make your life after divorce as great as you can make it right?
What resolutions should you make?
Well there are the typical New Year’s resolutions:
- Lose weight – You’ve probably already lost enough weight because of the “divorce diet,” so this resolution won’t work.
- Stay fit and healthy – Staying fit and healthy is never a bad idea and might even be extra important if you lost too much weight on your “divorce diet.”
- Enjoy life to the fullest– Absolutely! This is one of the best resolutions you can…
Read more: 3 Post-Divorce Resolutions You Should Make (And Keep)
To get over your divorce, you’ve got to grieve.
Grief and grieving are typically associated with death. But there are lots of other losses that can also trigger grief.
According to The University of Texas at Austin’s Counseling and Mental Health Center, some of the other losses that can trigger grief are the loss of a friendship, serious illness of a loved one, leaving your home, change of job, loss of a physical ability, loss of financial security and relationship breakup.
Getting divorced will trigger grief. It’s normal to feel a lot of pain about the end of your marriage and all the other losses that are part of your divorce.
Yet feeling miserable isn’t where you want to stay. You want to move on with your life and you know that there are stages to grief. Yet you just can’t seem to stop crying.
Dealing with grief is complicated – especially when you’re grieving divorce because there aren’t social norms for you (or your family and friends) to follow to help you get through your divorce grief.
So if you’re ready to begin dealing with your grief so you can move on with your life, you’re going to have to take matters into your…
Read more: Divorcing? 9 Tips For Dealing With Grief
You can confidently and without regret answer this question for yourself.
One of the most difficult questions you’ll ever ask yourself is "Is my marriage over?" It’s rarely a simple yes or no that you can confidently offer as a response. (There are some circumstances when you should immediately choose to divorce, but, thankfully, people dealing with those situations usually already know they need to end their marriage.)
You’ll struggle with this question for several reasons.
"Is my marriage over?" is a highly emotionally charged question. Your emotions ping pong between upset, sadness, fear, worry, nostalgia and a whole host of others as you struggle to figure out your answer. And when your emotions are so strongly engaged it’s almost impossible to think clearly.
The stakes are high when you begin asking this question. You’re facing a fork in the road. Either you stay or you go. There’s no in-between.
Although you’re asking yourself ‘Is my marriage over?’, the truth is that your answer will impact many more people than just you. Obviously, your spouse and kids (and pets) will be deeply affected by what you choose. But so will your family, your spouse’s family, and your friends. It’s a whole lot of…
Read more: How To Answer The Question ‘Is My Marriage Over?’