Don’t let your fears paralyze you and take simple steps to start living your life again.
When I got divorced, I was consumed with fear. I was terrified of just about everything. And when I say everything, I mean everything!
I was afraid that if I got “fat” that I’d be alone for the rest of my life. So, I ate very little and exercised a lot. The end result was that I became anorexic.
I was afraid I’d lose my job. And if I lost my job, I’d lose my home. And if I lost my home, I’d be forced to live on the streets. And if I had to live on the streets, I’d get sick and die a horrible death – alone.
I was afraid that anytime I had to travel by airplane that the plane would crash. Yup, whether the trip was for work or pleasure (especially if it was for pleasure) I was sure God would punish me for getting divorced by a fiery plane crash.
I was afraid to drive because I kept having these fleeting thoughts of just pulling out in front of the next big truck that drove by. And if I did that then I wouldn’t…
Read more: To Heal From Divorce You MUST Step Out Of Your Fear
Yes, feeling confident is possible as you embark on your adventures dating post-divorce.
Dating after divorce is both exhilarating and frightening!
One the one hand, the thought of having someone find you attractive and interesting again can make you positively giddy.
On the other hand, the thought of putting yourself out there and kissing a lot of toads along the way is enough to make anyone think more than once about dating after divorce.
What if you could position your foray back into the dating world as something you were doing with confidence? What if you could look at whomever you go out with from the standpoint of whether you liked them without worrying about what they think of you?
I know I would have been pretty excited to have started dating post-divorce from that point of view instead of as the unconfident person that I was. My initial focus on dating after divorce was all about pleasing the people who asked me out instead of just being me and evaluating whether I liked them. (And, yes, that did get me into some trouble.)
Choosing to begin dating after divorce is a big step.
It’s natural to feel at least a bit tentative about…
Read more: 11 Tips To Feel Confident Dating After Divorce
You may not be able to fix it, but there’s certainly something you can do to help the situation.
It’s hard to believe your relationship has devolved to hatred, but there’s really no other way to explain your ex’s behavior.
They are waging war against you. Their battle plans include extending the divorce process by every means possible, yelling at you, calling you names, and, worst of all, they’re using your children as pawns.
Your ex’s intention is meant to make your life miserable. And they’re succeeding. You feel absolutely miserable each and every time you have to interact with them.
“My ex hates me!” is a really easy conclusion to reach given what you’re experiencing. And it’s a valid conclusion too, because they do hate you – at least enough to behave in such abhorrent ways.
The problem is that adding their loathing on top of all everything else you’re experiencing as you’re dealing with your own grief is overwhelming.
You’re at your wit’s end and are searching for any way possible to prevent them from hating you or prevent you from being bothered by it so much.
In order to figure out what you should do about it, you’ve got to understand why they’re…
Read more: My Ex Hates Me! What Should I Do?
Regular communication about these topics could save your marriage and your family.
I’m reminded daily that most people are fairly naïve about all kinds of things when they start their married life together. Very few find life follows any kind of a simple plan (like living happily ever after) – especially when they have kids.
For example, a few months ago I received an anguished email from a man whose wife wanted a divorce because she felt manipulated into having their two children. What little he told me was heartbreaking as he spoke about how much he loved his wife and kids and how horrified he was by the prospect of divorce.
Last year I heard the story of a woman who filed for divorce. What pushed her over the edge was discovering that her husband had urinated all over their children’s bathroom – and by all over I mean the walls, floor, bathtub, sink – everywhere. He was making a statement about feeling ignored.
And then we’ve all heard stories of couples who stay together for the sake of the kids. Almost as soon as they drop their youngest off at university, they get divorced because they haven’t been happy together for years.
Read more: Do This To Save Your Marriage From The Ravages of Parenthood
Grief isn’t the same for everyone and neither is healing from it.
Living through heartbreak is one of the uniting experiences of humanity. Nearly everyone suffers through losing a love. Many suffer through more than one and discover that each loss feels differently. The difference is due to each relationship being unique and the fact that people change over time.
So despite the commonality of grieving over a heartbreak, everyone grieves differently and any one individual may grieve differently over each heartbreak she has.
If that’s true, how can anyone hope to find help for not only surviving, but healing a heartbreak? Easily – if they remember that grief is not a one-size-fits-all experience.
In fact, The Atlantic reports that there are 3 different ways people grieve. About 10% of people who lose a loved one experience chronic grief. Between 30 and 40% plunge into grief and gradually recover. And that leaves 50 – 60% who quickly appear to be fine despite day-to-day fluctuations.
This means that what may be terrific advice for healing heartbreak for someone else may not make any sense at all to you. Keeping in mind that your experience is unique, consider these 5 ways to survive your post-heartbreak grief with a…
Read more: 5 Ways To Survive Your Post-Heartbreak Grief