No, you don’t have to like what they did, but you do have to like love you.
Forgiveness. It’s a powerful word because it evokes a myriad of thoughts and emotions.
Anger about the unfairness of it all.
Revenge because they deserve to feel as much pain as you do.
Justice because they need to learn that they can’t treat people the way they’ve treated you.
Fear because you’re unsure what happens after you forgive them.
Bitterness because if you forgive them, they’ll get away with it.
Calm because you know forgiveness is the next step for you.
Peace because you’ve forgiven in the past and peace has been the result.
Duty because forgiveness is what your religion or spiritual practice teaches.
Confusion because you’re not exactly sure what forgiveness means.
Injustice because you don’t feel like you should have to give your ex anything more.
Vulnerability because you’re afraid that by forgiving them you’ll give them carte blanche to continue hurting you since you’re not doing anything about it.
Depression because you believe you must have deserved to be treated badly in the first place and forgiveness would only validate their behavior.
Victimhood because forgiveness means you’d admit to being a victim of what they’ve…
Read more: 5 Powerful Reasons You MUST Forgive Your Ex
The stress of getting divorced makes everyone question their sanity!
Ever since you found out you’re getting divorced, your mind has been running 1000 miles an hour. Your thoughts are bouncing around like a superball in a small room. One minute you're feeling angry and frustrated. The next you're cataloging fears about what the future does and doesn’t hold. Then you're experiencing grief over what's been lost, or wondering how your spouse could give up, or fretting about how this is going to impact the kids, or feeling anxious about whether or not you’ll survive your divorce, or concerned over what people will think, or wondering if you’ll ever feel “normal” again.
It’s bad enough when thoughts like these happen one or two at a time, but that’s not what’s happening. You’re bombarded with these thoughts and emotions one after the other with little or no break in between.
As crazy feeling as this storm of thoughts is, it’s pretty typical for someone who’s getting divorced. Divorce turns your life upside-down and inside out. How you thought (assumed) your life would be is not what’s happening now. And this complete upset of what was your normal life is what has your thoughts in a…
Read more: Are You Going Crazy Or Just Getting Divorced?
Honest and respectful communication could be the key to saving your marriage.
We’ve all done it. We’ve kept our mouths shut (sometimes only by clenching our jaws) when everything inside of us is screaming to let our spouse know what we’re feeling and/or thinking.
There are times when you just don’t want to open the can of worms that saying “I think you’re an idiot” or “You’ve hurt me so much – again – that I know I’d be better off without you” would blow the lid off of. Really, what good would saying this stuff do?
It probably isn’t obvious yet what good telling your inner-most thoughts to your spouse can do. BUT not telling them only does one thing – guarantees that your marriage becomes unhappy (if it isn’t already).
Now, I’m not advocating that you tell your spouse every fleeting thought and emotion that goes through your head. What I am suggesting is that if you had been truthful about the first time you didn’t understand why your mate did something, you might know they’re not really an idiot for doing it again now. Or if you had told them how much they hurt you when they said or did xyz, you…
Read more: Speak Up To Save Your Unhappy Marriage
You don't (really) want them dead.
Divorce sucks. Two people who married with dreams of happily-ever-after become enemies who seemingly simultaneously want their former spouse to die and to love them again. It's a confusing, frustrating and maddening situation to be in.
More often than not, a divorcing spouse will lean toward one of the two opposing fantasies. I leaned toward wishing my ex would die — not because I really wished he would cease living, but because I wanted the pain I felt to stop.
Although my ex was the one who filed for divorce, I was fully on-board with the idea. I knew I would eventually be better off on my own than to remain in a marriage that I only knew how to make work by sacrificing who I really was in favor of who he had grown accustomed to me being. He became accustomed to be being the one that figured out how to make things work because that's what I did. I thought it was my responsibility to make our marriage work. (And, yes, we did work with a marriage counselor. But like most couples who finally choose to see a counselor we had waited too long to ask for help.…
Read more: Wish Your Ex Would Die So Your Divorce Won't Hurt So Much?
Stop making these two mistakes and you’ll have a happier marriage.
It’s absolutely exhausting trying to make your marriage work and keep up with all of your other responsibilities. You feel like you’re in it all alone with no hope of things ever getting better. When you took those vows of for better or worse, you really didn’t think that it would be for worse or you’d probably never have gotten married in the first place.
The good news is not all unhappy marriages need to stay that way. It doesn’t always require your spouse to join in with you from the beginning of your plan to make the marriage better. Sometimes you hold the key to turning everything around if you just stop making two basic mistakes.
But before talking about the two biggest mistakes people make in marriages, it’s important to know what a good marriage is.
A good marriage consists of two whole, happy people who choose marriage. You can think of these two happy people as each existing in a separate circle. These separate circles are inside of another circle which represents their marriage. Together these individuals focus on building their marriage.
Most married couples have children. By becoming parents, the couple…
Read more: These Two Common Mistakes Will Give You An Unhappy Marriage