July 10, 2015
Planning and compassion are the most important pieces of this life-altering conversation.
One of the most difficult things to do after you’ve decided to divorce is telling your children about your decision. It’s so hard because you aren’t sure exactly how your kids will react and you’re concerned that your divorce will negatively impact them for the rest of their lives. Those are some really important and valid things to worry about – especially since you’ve probably got the same concerns for yourself. That’s why it’s so important to get this conversation right.
To get it right, you must keep the big picture goals in mind: happiness for both parents who raise happy, healthy children who have the support and love they need to become happy, healthy, contributing adults. From this starting point, you can begin planning how you will tell your kids.
As difficult as it is, the best way to prepare is together. It’s best for your kids if you and your soon-to-be-ex spouse have the exact same message.
What do you need to include in your preparation?
First, are you 100% sure that the separation and/or divorce is happening? If it’s in question, you’re not ready to tell the kids because you’ll…
Read more: How To Tell Your Kids You’re Getting Divorced
May 15, 2015
All is fair in love and war? Not when your kids become casualties!
Divorce changes everything — especially your feelings about your ex. Far from the love you felt on your wedding day, now you probably feel something closer to frustration, anger, or even downright hate.
Hostile feelings during divorce are common but we all know NOT to expose our children to that toxic resentment, right?
In my experience working with divorced families, most divorced parents claim they're all about their kids. They pat themselves on the back endlessly, thinking that they ALWAYS put the kids first and would never do ANYTHING that might harm or distress their children. But in practice, that altruism is rarely present.
Are parents saying these things to convince themselves or others? I'm not sure. All I know is, those declarations of "my love for my children comes first" are rarely true.
And I challenge you to reflect on your own behavior to see whether you hate your ex more than you love your children!
What do I mean? I mean that when it comes to making choices about your reactions or behavior, your anger for your ex poisons your decisions — you just can't hold your tongue, or resist…
Read more: 8 Brutal Signs You Hate Your Ex MORE Than You Love Your Kids