Dealing With Grief

Divorcing? 9 Tips For Dealing With Grief

Man staring off into the distance as he’s dealing with grief.

To get over your divorce, you’ve got to grieve.

Grief and grieving are typically associated with death. But there are lots of other losses that can also trigger grief.

According to The University of Texas at Austin’s Counseling and Mental Health Center, some of the other losses that can trigger grief are the loss of a friendship, serious illness of a loved one, leaving your home, change of job, loss of a physical ability, loss of financial security and relationship breakup.

Getting divorced will trigger grief. It’s normal to feel a lot of pain about the end of your marriage and all the other losses that are part of your divorce.

Yet feeling miserable isn’t where you want to stay. You want to move on with your life and you know that there are stages to grief. Yet you just can’t seem to stop crying.

Dealing with grief is complicated – especially when you’re grieving divorce because there aren’t social norms for you (or your family and friends) to follow to help you get through your divorce grief.

So if you’re ready to begin dealing with your grief so you can move on with your life, you’re going to have to take matters into your…

Read more: Divorcing? 9 Tips For Dealing With Grief

Stop Blaming Your Ex And You'll Start Getting Over Your Divorce

Man who’s blaming his ex instead of getting over divorce.

The longer you blame them, the more you’re hurting yourself.

There are tons of reasons why people blame their ex for their divorce. Among the more common reasons are giving up, unwilling to work on saving the marriage, too argumentative, and unrealistic expectations.

And these are wholly justifiable reasons for feeling angry and hurt about your ex taking your dreams of celebrating your 50th anniversary together and grinding them to dust without an ounce of remorse.

However, if you continue to focus on blaming your ex you’re only hurting yourself (and your kids).

Getting over divorce requires a lot of things including that you get over blaming your ex.

By continuing to blame your ex for the end of your marriage, you’re making your divorce more contentious. The increased friction has three main effects. First, all the arguing makes coming to a settlement take a whole lot longer. Second, you’ll wind up paying more for your divorce. Finally, getting over divorce is pretty difficult if your divorce is still going on.

All the blame you’re heaping on your ex-spouse for breaking up your family negatively impacts your kids. Sure, breaking the family up in the first place hurts your children, but by continuing to find fault with their other…

Read more: Stop Blaming Your Ex And You'll Start Getting Over Your Divorce

To Heal From Divorce You MUST Step Out Of Your Fear

Don’t let your fears paralyze you and take simple steps to start living your life again.

When I got divorced, I was consumed with fear. I was terrified of just about everything. And when I say everything, I mean everything!

I was afraid that if I got “fat” that I’d be alone for the rest of my life. So, I ate very little and exercised a lot. The end result was that I became anorexic.

I was afraid I’d lose my job. And if I lost my job, I’d lose my home. And if I lost my home, I’d be forced to live on the streets. And if I had to live on the streets, I’d get sick and die a horrible death – alone.

I was afraid that anytime I had to travel by airplane that the plane would crash. Yup, whether the trip was for work or pleasure (especially if it was for pleasure) I was sure God would punish me for getting divorced by a fiery plane crash.

I was afraid to drive because I kept having these fleeting thoughts of just pulling out in front of the next big truck that drove by. And if I did that then I wouldn’t…

Read more: To Heal From Divorce You MUST Step Out Of Your Fear

How To Deal With Losing Your Friends (And Making New Ones) Post-Divorce

Despite the painful losses, it’s easier to make friends post-divorce than you might think.

There are so many things you lose when you get divorced. Obviously, there’s the marriage, your role as spouse, being with your kids every day and maybe even your home.

But there’s one loss that surprises just about everyone – the loss of your friends. They probably won’t all leave in some grand exodus. But it’s common for them to start fading away one or two at a time.

Now you probably aren’t surprised by losing the friendship of your in-laws or even the friends that your ex brought into your life. After all, most people feel like they have to take sides in a divorce and loyalties tend to go with blood and duration of relationship. Not always, but usually.

Unfortunately, you’ll probably lose other friendships too. It’s likely that over time you’ll lose many of your married friends. This happens for many different reasons. Some will see you as a threat to their marriages and decide that spending time with you isn’t a good idea. Others you’ll lose because of a decision you’ll make. As time goes on, you’ll likely become tired of being a third wheel.

Then there are…

Read more: How To Deal With Losing Your Friends (And Making New Ones) Post-Divorce

My Ex Hates Me! What Should I Do?

If your ex looked at you like this, you’d be saying my ex hates me too!

You may not be able to fix it, but there’s certainly something you can do to help the situation.

It’s hard to believe your relationship has devolved to hatred, but there’s really no other way to explain your ex’s behavior.

They are waging war against you. Their battle plans include extending the divorce process by every means possible, yelling at you, calling you names, and, worst of all, they’re using your children as pawns.

Your ex’s intention is meant to make your life miserable. And they’re succeeding. You feel absolutely miserable each and every time you have to interact with them.

“My ex hates me!” is a really easy conclusion to reach given what you’re experiencing. And it’s a valid conclusion too, because they do hate you – at least enough to behave in such abhorrent ways.

The problem is that adding their loathing on top of all everything else you’re experiencing as you’re dealing with your own grief is overwhelming.

You’re at your wit’s end and are searching for any way possible to prevent them from hating you or prevent you from being bothered by it so much.

In order to figure out what you should do about it, you’ve got to understand why they’re…

Read more: My Ex Hates Me! What Should I Do?

Thinking About Divorce?

It can feel like your world is falling apart when you begin thinking about divorce as a real possibility.

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Thinking About Divorce?

It can feel like your world is falling apart when you begin thinking about divorce as a real possibility.

railimage

Get your FREE copy of "Contemplating Divorce? Here's What You Need To Know" to help you be prepared for your divorce journey.

Name

Email

 
I will not sell, rent or distribute your email. I hate SPAM too.

Thinking About Divorce?

It can feel like your world is falling apart when you begin thinking about divorce as a real possibility.

railimage

Get your FREE copy of "Contemplating Divorce? Here's What You Need To Know" to help you be prepared for your divorce journey.

Name
Email
 
 
I will not sell, rent or distribute your email. I hate SPAM too.