Life After Divorce

Divorced? The Tips You Need For How To Trust Someone Again

Woman contemplating leaving her post-divorce protective shell and learning how to trust someone again.

Learning how to trust someone after divorce is tough, but these 7 tips will make it easier for you.

One of the most frequent casualties of divorce is the ability to trust someone again in the same way you trusted your ex. It’s as if you’ve blocked off the most tender and precious part of yourself to avoid being hurt at that deep a level ever again. You want to make sure you never ever leave yourself open to a repeat of that much pain.

And yet learning how to trust someone again is at the core of being able to live a full life after divorce.

That’s because true connection is critical to a fully lived and vibrant life. I’m not talking about the surface kind of connection where you keep your truest thoughts and emotions and even ugly cries to yourself. I’m talking about the kind of connection where you can be 100% unapologetically you with someone and they can be that way with you too.

Learning how to trust someone again after suffering through divorce is challenging to say the least. But luckily some work that Brené Brown published in her book Daring Greatlyprovides a wonderful starting point for discussing and understanding what…

Read more: Divorced? The Tips You Need For How To Trust Someone Again

What You Must Do BEFORE You Start Dating After Divorce

Couple holding hands as they embark on their adventures dating after divorce.

Use these 5 signs to confidently know if you’re ready to start dating again.

How will I know when I’m ready to start dating after divorce? This question is one nearly everyone who divorces eventually asks.

And coming up with an answer to it is complicated by the fact that this question (hopefully) brings up other questions. Is there a difference between dating and a hook up? Where can I find someone to date? What is dating like today? How will my dating impact my kids? And on and on.

Divorce is tumultuous and frightening so it’s normal to have a bunch of questions as you start moving on with your life by deciding if you’re ready to start going out again after divorce.

As confusing and complicated as it is when you first start contemplating whether you’re ready to begin dating after divorce, there are 5 signs you’re ready to get back out there.

  1. You love yourself.Divorce takes a huge toll on your self-esteem. You start to question whether you’re lovable not only by others, but by yourself too. By being able to truly love and care for yourself before you start dating after divorce, you’ll know you’re ready to get back out…

Read more: What You Must Do BEFORE You Start Dating After Divorce

3 Post-Divorce Resolutions You Should Make (And Keep)

Woman who’s serious about making resolutions to ensure her life after divorce is fulfilling and happy.

Resolutions are definitely not just for the New Year.

Obviously, you’ve heard of New Year’s resolutions. They’re those little promises you make to yourself on January 1st each year that you rarely follow through on. You have great intentions, but they tend to evaporate toward the end of January or beginning of February when life goes back to “normal” again.

But that’s one of the really great things about divorce. Your life doesn’t go back to “normal.” In fact, it will NEVER be that “normal” you had while you were married ever again.

And that’s exactly why making post-divorce resolutions is so powerful. You already have to change how you live, so you might as well make your life after divorce as great as you can make it right?

What resolutions should you make?

Well there are the typical New Year’s resolutions:

  • Lose weight – You’ve probably already lost enough weight because of the “divorce diet,” so this resolution won’t work.
  • Stay fit and healthy – Staying fit and healthy is never a bad idea and might even be extra important if you lost too much weight on your “divorce diet.”
  • Enjoy life to the fullest– Absolutely! This is one of the best resolutions you can…

Read more: 3 Post-Divorce Resolutions You Should Make (And Keep)

How Long Does It Take To Be Happy Again?

Being happy again isn’t a time thing. It’s a you thing.

One of the most frequently asked questions about divorce recovery is “How long does it take to be happy again?” It’s asked not only as a reflection of what seems like interminable pain, but also because there is so much conflicting information out there about how long it takes! For example, back in 2010, the Daily Mail reported that it takes EXACTLY 17 months and 26 days to get over divorce. Others report that it takes 2 years and still others say that it will take 1 year for every 4 years of marriage.

And you know what? All of these numbers are horribly wrong – at least when it comes to you.

Why? Because no one else has gone through EXACTLY what you’ve gone and are going through and no one else has your EXACT personality.

Yup, your personality has a lot to do with how long it takes you to feel happy again post-divorce.

Are you someone who carries a lot of negative emotion? Do you dwell on unanswerable questions about the past: “What if…” or “If only…”? Are your fears controlling your life? Do you doubt that you’ll ever be happy again?…

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Some Promises Are Meant To Be Broken

When you divorce, you’ll make promises to yourself that don’t make sense to keep for the long haul.

Last May my husband (he’s my second) and I (I’m his third wife) celebrated our anniversary. But it was an event that almost didn’t happen because of a promise I made to myself after I divorced.

When I got divorced in 2002, I hurt. The pain was so intense that I wasn’t sure I’d survive it.

I kept having fleeting thoughts of suicide, but I was assured that those thoughts were pretty normal. I was still worried though. What if those thoughts started to stay around longer? What would I do then? How would I stop them? I was terrified by the unfamiliarity of these self-destructive thoughts that kept popping up. Was I losing my mind?

I also wasn’t taking very good care of myself. I mean we all have trouble sleeping when we’re going through divorce, and I was doing my best to try to get better sleep. But that wasn’t eating either. Food had mostly lost its appeal.

But I was also withholding food from myself for two other reasons. First, I didn’t want to get fat. In my mind I associated being fat with…

Read more: Some Promises Are Meant To Be Broken

Feeling Stuck, Lost And Confused?

Divorce is one of the most painful and complicated things you’ll ever experience.

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Get your FREE copy of “What You Need To Know To FINALLY Start Healing From Your Divorce Right Now” workbook to help you start feeling better.

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