November 23, 2016
You don’t have to dread the holidays just because you’re dealing with divorce.
The first holidays after divorce are tough. This is the one time of year when family and spending time with family is emphasized. And this holiday season, instead of being able to celebrate the whole season with a spouse (and your kids), you’re stuck dealing with divorce and dreading the holidays.
Despite how dismal your divorce is making things seem, it is possible to find at least some glimpses of genuine joy this season.
Use these three tips for making it through the holidays while you’re dealing with divorce:
- Know that it’s OK for the holidays to be different. Different doesn’t mean bad or wrong or that your divorce has destroyed the holidays for your kids for the rest of their lives. Different just means not the same. And the wonderful thing about not being the same is that you can choose to make things even better than they were before.
- Focus on what’s good…or ignore what your ex is doing for the holidays. I know it's tough not comparing how your ex is celebrating the holidays (especially if you have kids) to how you're celebrating them, but all comparison buys you is misery. Yup,…
Read more: 3 Tips For Coping With The Holidays While You're Dealing With Divorce
November 21, 2016
Learning how to trust someone after divorce is tough, but these 7 tips will make it easier for you.
One of the most frequent casualties of divorce is the ability to trust someone again in the same way you trusted your ex. It’s as if you’ve blocked off the most tender and precious part of yourself to avoid being hurt at that deep a level ever again. You want to make sure you never ever leave yourself open to a repeat of that much pain.
And yet learning how to trust someone again is at the core of being able to live a full life after divorce.
That’s because true connection is critical to a fully lived and vibrant life. I’m not talking about the surface kind of connection where you keep your truest thoughts and emotions and even ugly cries to yourself. I’m talking about the kind of connection where you can be 100% unapologetically you with someone and they can be that way with you too.
Learning how to trust someone again after suffering through divorce is challenging to say the least. But luckily some work that Brené Brown published in her book Daring Greatlyprovides a wonderful starting point for discussing and understanding what…
Read more: Divorced? The Tips You Need For How To Trust Someone Again
November 16, 2016
Despite everything that is happening, there are ways you can deal with your divorce better.
Divorce sucks. It’s one of the most horrible experiences you’ll ever go through. And instead of allowing you the time and space to deal with it all, life demands that you keep going and meet the obligations you had before your marriage ended AND deal with a whole lot of other crap just because it’s just part of divorce.
Somehow you’ve got to find a way to cope with the end of your marriage and still keep functioning on a daily basis. It’s not easy – especially when all you want to do is curl up in a ball, pull the covers over your head and cry.
But just because it’s not easy, that doesn’t mean that coping with divorce is impossible. You just need to make some adjustments to what you’re doing now.
Don’t let that word “adjustments” scare you. These aren’t super huge changes. They’re relatively simple things that you can do bit by bit to ease your way into dealing better with your divorce.
Here are the 8 most important tips for coping with divorce:
- Start each day with a plan.Now a plan doesn’t mean that you have to…
Read more: 8 Tips You Must Know For Successfully Coping With Divorce
November 14, 2016
These five ideas could give you the inspiration you need to save your marriage this holiday season.
Did you know that in most of the English-speaking countries that January is the most popular month to file for divorce? I see the January effect every year in my practice.
And when I ask my January and February clients why they (or their soon-to-be-ex) decided to file for divorce in January they usually say they wanted to give their family one last holiday season together.
On the one hand, this is a lovely gift for them to give their family. And on the other, I wonder if it’s possible to look at the holiday season as a time to ask “How can I use the holidays to save my marriage?”
The only way I can begin to answer this question here is to look at the top 5 reasons couples divorce and offer suggestions for how the holidays offer unique opportunities to begin addressing each of them.
How Can The Holidays Save My Marriage From …
- A Lack Of Commitment? Marriage takes work – a lot of work. (And so do the holidays.) But what if you sat your spouse down and explained that the only gift you wanted…
Read more: Can The Holidays Save My Marriage?
November 10, 2016
Negative thoughts are a normal part of divorce, but you don’t have to suffer with them indefinitely.
Even in the best of times we all have negative thoughts. But when you get divorced the negative thoughts take over. You become trapped in a world of fears. You’re constantly asking yourself, “What if this happens?” And, of course, this is something really, really bad.
The nightmare of negativity and pessimism is constant. You’re bombarded by terrifying thoughts whether you’re awake or asleep and dreaming (that is if you’re lucky enough to get some sleep).
What makes the pessimism so prevalent now when you’re trying to find the strength to heal and move on with your life?
The truth is that all of these negative thoughts are fueled by depression and anxiety. And it probably comes as no surprise to you that divorce triggers depression and anxiety for a lot of people.
The problem is that no matter how well you understand why your mind races after one bit of negativity and fear mongering after another, the simple understanding will never, ever make the thoughts stop. That’s because anxiety changes your brain. It impacts the way you think in such a way that the more you think negative thoughts, the more…
Read more: Why You’re Having Negative Thoughts Post-Divorce And How To Stop Them