- May 13, 2015
You’re not fooling anyone, ladies. And your kids notice it, too!
When we think of couples going through "an ugly divorce," people often assume that if one side is being an emotional bully, it's the man. We instantly imagine it's the poor, beleaguered ex-wife who is left to struggle under his oppression and vicious attacks—emotionally, financially, and sometimes even physically.
Honestly, I thought that, too, until one of my male family members went through a divorce years ago. Then it became painfully obvious that there are plenty of ex-wife bullies out there, too.
Are YOU an ex-wife bully? No one wants to admit so, of course. We all believe we're in the right by default, but are you?
Here are three tell-tale signs YOU are the mean one in your post-divorce relationship ... not him:
1. You manipulate by withholding child visitation.
To clarify, this is one of the cruelest and most vicious ex-wife bully tactics. Obviously if your ex is a true threat to the safety of your children, the court should become involved in deciding what safe visitation entails. But outside of that, deciding to not let your ex see the children because you're mad at him—because he has a new girlfriend, or gave the kids junk…
Read more: 3 Bullsh*t Ways WOMEN Bully Men After Divorce – P.S. Your Kids Notice
- May 8, 2015
Protect yourself from increased cardiovascular risk with these stress-busting tips.
Everybody knows that divorce is stressful, but what nobody knew until now is that divorce actually increases a woman's risk of heart attack. A new report in the March 2015 issue of Circulation: Cardiovascular Quality and Outcomes says that (after correcting for other risk factors) women divorced once have a 24 percent increased risk of heart attack. For women divorced two or more times, this jumps to a startling 77 percent increased risk.
Besides heart attack, divorce can also increase a woman's risk of Broken Heart Syndrome, which, in some cases, mimics a heart attack. According to Mayo Clinic, Broken Heart Syndrome results from "the heart's reaction to a surge of stress hormones."
Given these two bits of data from heart specialists, I believe the best way to prevent yourself from becoming another statistic is to effectively deal with your divorce stress. How do you do that?
Try my top five tips for de-stressing during your divorce:
1. Develop Soothing Routines
Nearly everything about your life changes when you get divorced—including the time you used to spend doing activities that calmed you. It's time to start doing them again. And if that's not possible, develop new soothing…
Read more: Divorce Can LITERALLY Break Your Heart, Says Science
- April 24, 2015
Taking care of yourself has to do with more than how much you spend.
One piece of advice almost everyone going through divorce hears is “You’ve got to create a budget”. Although this is extremely practical advice, I think it sucks.
You’ve just ended your marriage. You might have just moved. You might not have your kids all the time. You might be looking for a job. And, oh yeah, you feel like CRAP! Yet now you’re supposed to figure out how to put more restrictions on yourself and create a budget?! Yeah, it just sucks as far as advice goes.
What you really need is a spending plan. A spending plan is all about you taking responsibility for how you choose to spend or not to spend your money.
OK, so you might think this is just a case of puh-tay-toh po-tah-toh, the word budget has a negative connotation for most people. And who needs more negativity as they’re putting their lives back on track after a divorce? No one I can think of.
Divorce is tough. You deserve to take care of yourself in every way possible. And, yes, this does include the words you use.
Words are incredibly powerful and can completely…
Read more: Why “You Need to Make A Budget” Is Bad Divorce Advice
- April 10, 2015
If you’re struggling with the cost of divorce, here are 4 tips to help you save on attorney fees.
With the average cost of divorce in the US at $15,000 (investopedia.com), it's really no surprise that most people cite cost of divorce as one of their top 2 concerns when getting divorced. $15,000 is a hefty sum to most couples. It's not unusual for couples to seriously consider staying unhappily together rather than getting divorced simply because of the cost. Some couples decide to get divorced and then start saving for it. They'll choose to continue living together (which is very difficult for most) to minimize expenses and start saving so they can eventually get divorced. Even those couples who are more comfortable with the average price tag of a divorce don't want to have to pay more than necessary.
So how do you cut the cost of your divorce? Follow these four tips and you'll significantly your divorce cost.
- Keep a notebook, file folder, or spreadsheet that you use to record EVERY interaction you have with your attorney and their staff. The reason for this is that going through divorce is stressful and when you're stressed you aren't always thinking at…
Read more: 4 Tips For Decreasing The Cost Of Your Divorce
- April 3, 2015
3 tips to help you mitigate the meltdowns while co-parenting during divorce.
A typical divorce is dramatic and traumatic for everyone involved. Divorce means that lives get changed forever – first and foremost your life, your kids’ lives, and your soon-to-be-ex’s (S2BX) life.
Although for some people the thought of things never being the same is a blessing. The blessing is no longer having to deal on a daily basis with temper tantrums, intimidation, insinuations, inquisitions, bossiness, or put-downs – the hallmarks of an emotional bully.
These people yearn for freedom from the drama and trauma of their marriage. They look forward to the end of walking on eggshells around their spouse so they can rebuild both their self-esteem and their self-confidence.
As much as you are looking forward to being divorced, your kids aren’t. They love both their parents. For them the thought of being separated from either of you is painful and scary.
Learning to co-parent with a bully is critical. Your kids deserve to feel as safe and loved as possible during your divorce. Co-parenting is the quickest way to achieve that. And the hard truth is that as the non-bully the bulk of this learning will fall on your shoulders.
Read more: How To Effectively Co-Parent With A Bully During Divorce