Divorce Blog

Wondering "Why Is My Marriage Unhappy?" Here’s What You Need To Do

Woman looking forlornly at her husband who is engrossed in his phone.

How did we end up here? Why is my marriage unhappy? We had such big dreams when we got married, and now we just exist.

Crossing the threshold into married life is often a bigger leap than couples are prepared for.

You’ve been there. You remember the bliss, the take-the-world-by-storm dream of all life’s possibilities.

You remember having almost everything in common. And you remember filling in the gaps of your differences with the creation of new and positive agreements to strengthen your connection.

You probably even remember acknowledging beneath the snow of pixie dust that “life won’t always be perfect.” But no matter, you would “lean on one another and get through it together.”

And yet, somehow you have arrived at the stark awareness of your disappointment and dissatisfaction.

Why is my marriage unhappy? Is it me? Is it him/her? Is it “us”? How do I figure it out? And can we get back to being happy?

Getting your marriage compass redirected to true north involves more than spinning in circles and waiting for the needle to settle. It requires a mapping of your coordinates, as well as your surroundings.

You may have only recently articulated those despondent descriptors – unhappy, miserable,…

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How Can Self-Awareness Be Developed?

Woman looking up while standing in a forest and contemplating her self-awareness.

There are destinations we never reach, though we persevere on the journey. And there are books that are never finished, though the author continues to outline and edit. But what about the self – that perpetual, cradle-to-coffin quest that remains ever elusive? Can we consciously “build” on it? And, if so, how can self-awareness be developed?

The irony of self-awareness is that it exceeds mere awareness.

At some point early in life, the child looks in the mirror and connects his reflection with the physical being standing before the glass.

This objective awareness is just that objective. It doesn’t exude from an evaluative processing or contemplation of experience. It has no moral relevance, no inspiration for behavioral modification.

And yet, awareness of the objective self is foundational to what comes after: the subjective self.

It’s here, where the mirror reflects inward, that self-awareness steps out on a lifetime journey. And, though there may be looking back, there can never be turning back.

Roy Baumeister describes the concept of self-awareness as:

Anticipating how others perceive you, evaluating yourself and your actions according to collective beliefs and values, and caring about how others evaluate you.

Even within the quiet containment of the individual self, self-awareness has profound…

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6 Easy Ways To Better Enjoy Your Life And Be Happy

Woman laughing as she struggles with holding a s’more.

The effort to get ahead, enjoy your life, and be happy can, at times, feel like being trapped on a destinationless hamster wheel. When it comes to that simple quest, we’re all pretty much the same.

And yet, for all those years of self-help books and Oprah-in-the-afternoons, happiness can still seem frustratingly elusive.

The Dalai Lama makes it all sound so simple, so matter of fact: The purpose of our lives is to be happy.

Well, isn’t that special? your mind may quip with an eye roll. I have ten children, three mortgages, two jobs, and no car. When do I have time to enjoy my life?

Everyone comes with a story. And everyone can be rendered miserable or unconditionally happy because – and regardless – of that story.

Joy is your birthright. It’s the unburdened, uncorrupted state of your being when you enter this world. You have no attachment to malice or the seemingly insurmountable requisites of living a responsible, adult life.

But life has its ways, doesn’t it? It delivers unavoidable disappointments, exhaustive demands, no-win choices, and inevitable loss.

How, then, are you supposed to enjoy your life and be happy? Is it even possible to be genuinely happy in this life?

The…

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5 Reasons Being Self-Aware Is A Practice & Not A Destination

Man sitting in a room of potted plants thinking about being self-aware.

Funny thing about self-awareness. You need a certain amount of awareness in order to pursue it. A little chicken-and-egg quest for your best self...and a cyclical reminder that being self-aware is a practice, not a destination.

Self-awareness is a component of emotional intelligence. And, like the intelligence we associate with academics, there is no endpoint – only layering and refining. 

The more you know, the more you learn. The more you learn, the more you know. And ‘round and ‘round we go.

And so it is with being self-aware. A little light cast into a dark corner not only reveals what needs to be cleaned, but inspires the possibilities when light floods the whole room.

The foundation for this ever-emerging quality of self-awareness begins in infancy, when there is little more than physical awareness. An empty stomach signals a wailing to be fed. A loud noise startles a peaceful sleep. 

The child is immersed in sensory stimulation. The experience is “objective,” “external,” survival-driven...until the sun rises over the horizon and reveals an inner response to the experience.

A thought, a feeling, a curiosity attaches to the experience. This “outer” life is working its way inside.

And so the “sense of self”…

Read more: 5 Reasons Being Self-Aware Is A Practice & Not A Destination

7 Uplifting Life-After-Divorce Quotes

Notepad with one of the best life-after-divorce quotes: What is coming, is better than what’s gone.

Sometimes there’s no way to put your feelings into words. Divorce can cast a pretty long shadow over your vision for the future and leave you feeling hopeless. That’s when it’s time to turn to the authors, the poets, and the been-there-survived-it veterans of loss for some uplifting life-after-divorce quotes.

While cleverly crafted proverbs can’t wave a magic wand of healing over your pain, they can offer clarity and food for thought.

Here are 7 uplifting life-after-divorce quotes to get you looking at the positive side of your new life.

  1. When the wrong people leave your life, the right things start to happen. (Zig Ziglar)
  2. We’ve all heard the adage that “you are who you hang around.” And any time spent diving into self-help books will remind you that the people in your life are simply mirrors of yourself. 

    In other words, the company you keep has a profound influence on how you think and on the choices you make. 

    It’s also a reflection of your influence. 

    Unfortunately, marrying someone doesn’t guarantee the quality or integrity of his or her influence. It also doesn’t guarantee that your relationship will bring out the best in one another. 

    A person doesn’t have…

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