Divorce Blog

Yes, You Can Live A Happy Life After An Unexpected Divorce & Here’s How

Smiling woman who discovered that she can live a happy life after an unexpected divorce.

These 7 tips can help you find your new happy life.

When you’re the victim of an unexpected divorce, you feel lost at best and destroyed at worst. Just about everything you thought was true about your life is suddenly a lie. You weren’t happily (or happily enough) married. And now, as the dust on the bomb that wrecked your world is starting to settle, you wonder if you can live a happy life ever again – or if you are doomed to wandering around living the miserable shell of a life you’re started to accept as the new norm.

And the truth is that you can live a happy life after divorce – even an unexpected one.

However, to be happy again, you will have to do a few things to help happiness along.

Grieve

You’ve lost a lot. Divorce is about losing your lifestyle, your security, your kids, your status as a spouse, your dreams for a shared future, and, of course, your spouse. But those are only the obvious losses. There is a myriad of losses that are less obvious, but no less painful.

Suggested Reading: The Secret Grief Of Divorce You Never Talk About

And each of these losses needs to be grieved. Some…

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How To Help Someone Dealing With Grief After Divorce

: Man with his hands steepled as he wonders how to help someone dealing with grief.

Simple and meaningful ideas to help you help them.

When you see someone you love struggling with the pain of divorce, it’s natural to want to help them get over their pain. Yet knowing how to help someone dealing with grief after divorce isn’t something that anyone naturally knows how to do. That’s because, unlike when someone is grieving the death of a loved one, we are without cultural norms for how we grieve the death of a marriage.

However, there are some clues to knowing how to help someone dealing with grief over divorce in our understanding of grieving a death.

You can expect anyone who is divorced or divorcing to be operating at less than their best – just as if they had suffered the loss of a loved one. Knowing that they may not have the energy or presence of mind to take care of some of the basic necessities, this is one area in which you can offer to help them.

They may need help with meals. They may need help with getting their children to and from school. They may need help doing yard work or housework. These are all little services we automatically think of doing or offering to…

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How To Know If You Need To Stay In Your Miserable Marriage Or Divorce

Woman sitting on her bed wondering if she should stay in her miserable marriage or divorce.

Here are some ideas that can help you make the right decision for you.

Deciding whether to stay in your miserable marriage or divorce isn’t the no-brainer you might think. There are so many factors to consider, not the least of which is the nature and degree of your “misery” itself. Throw in children, finances, length of marriage, religion and other influencers, and your decision just got tougher.

When you feel paralyzed by a seemingly impossible decision, it’s only natural to want a superpower force to swoop in with the answer. But we all know that rarely happens. And when faced with the decision to stay in your miserable marriage or divorce, you are likely to get more questions than answers. Even Glenda the Good Witch would point her starred wand at your feet and remind you that the answer lies within you. 

In other words, you got yourself into this marriage. >You have to do the painful work of deciding whether and how to stay in it. Help is always available for those who seek it. But only you can decide to accept it.

(However, there are certain circumstances that demand you divorce. Find out what those are in this article: How To Know When…

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The 6 Biggest Mistakes People Make When Healing After A Divorce Or Breakup

Staring woman lying with her head on a pillow struggling with healing after a divorce or breakup.

Commit to avoiding the mistakes that only make things worse.

It sucks. It just does. The hurt, the anger, the loss (of seemingly everything -- companionship, security, self-esteem). The process of healing after a divorce or breakup can feel like insult on injury. It’s tough enough trying to pull yourself up by your bootstraps. But now you have to fight against being your own worst enemy.

The inherent challenge of moving on from a breakup is fighting the urge to connect. You build a relationship by striving in all you do to connect more genuinely, more intimately. To suddenly have that call-to-action ripped out from under you is a real blow. It’s like expecting a moving train to stop on a dime and go back to where it came from.

But whether or not it is apparent to you now, this time of healing after a divorce or breakup is a time of great potential. Sure, you didn’t want or plan to be here. But the beauty of life is that it is an equal-opportunity benefactor, and it imbues every situation with opportunities for exponential growth.

If you’re in the process of healing after a divorce or breakup and feel maddened by the frustrations and…

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How To Take Charge Of Your Quality Of Life After Divorce

Smiling man sitting at a table enjoying his quality of life after divorce.

You can beat divorce – if you’re willing to do the work.

The aftermath of divorce can wreak havoc with your heart and play all kinds of tricks with your mind. As if the shock, grief, and change in everything aren’t enough, you also have to worry about your quality of life after divorce. Where will I live? How will I make it financially? Will I spend the rest of my life alone?

The truth can be of little consolation when your life has come unhinged. And yet, there is consolation in the fact that the truth is just that -- the truth. When you feel no stability and no familiarity, you can at least look to that beacon of hope that is steadfast.

And the truth is this: You have more control over your quality of life after divorce than you think you do.

You will have choices to make, however. And you will have to take accountability -- for the past, for the future, and especially for the present. You may not be able to undo your divorce, but you can take charge of your quality of life after divorce. 

The biggest choice you will have to make is who is going to…

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