June 27, 2017
Each couple dealing with infidelity has 3 options for how they will move forward.
Discovering that your spouse has been unfaithful is horrifying and confusing. You search for explanations for how your partner could have made the choice to betray you.
You wonder if there’s something wrong with you. Or maybe there’s something wrong with them. Or maybe there’s something wrong with both of you. Or maybe there’s something evil about the person your spouse had the affair with. Or …
As your thoughts roll around and around ceaselessly, so do your emotions as you try again and again to make sense of things now that trust has been broken.
Why infidelity leads to divorce for some couples and not others is a necessary question to answer when you’re dealing with infidelity in your own relationship.
For some couples, infidelity means their relationship is over. For others, they continue on as if nothing happened. And still others emerge from the trauma of infidelity stronger and happier together than ever before.
What are the differences between these groups?
There are three different reasons why couples divorce after the discovery of an affair:
- One of the spouses had already decided to divorce before the infidelity was brought to light.…
Read more: Why Infidelity Leads To Divorce For Some Couples, But Not All
June 14, 2017
5 tips to help you make a tough situation more manageable (and help your baby get through it too).
Divorce is difficult no matter what the circumstances. But when your divorce happens while you have an infant life gets really tough.
Tough, but not unmanageable.
Life after divorce with a baby has a unique set of challenges not only for you and your ex, but for your baby too.
Let’s start with some of the “life after divorce with a baby” challenges you and your former spouse face.
You will never feel like a “normal” family. No matter how your lives evolve, you’ll never feel like the “normal” nuclear family because you’re not. And that’s perfectly OK. In fact, you might call it the new normal because less than 50% of U.S. kids grow up in a “normal” nuclear family.
You will feel frustrated by the lack of control. When your ex has the baby, you’ll hate that they get to spend time with the baby and you’ll worry about your ex’s parenting skills. The only way to deal with your frustration is by learning to trust your ex with your precious child and that can be really difficult when you’re still healing from your divorce.…
Read more: What Life After Divorce With A Baby Is REALLY Like
June 6, 2017
Use these 5 tips and create a collaborative co-parenting relationship – for your kids’ sake.
Co-parenting is tough. Somehow, you’re supposed to suddenly change how you think about your former spouse. You’re supposed to be emotionless toward them. You’re supposed to see them as a business partner in the business of raising your child(ren) and not as the person you thought you’d happily spend the rest of your life with.
Making this transition is one of the most difficult things you’ll ever do because it requires that you heal from your divorce and deal with your grief while you figure out how to co-parent.
Talk about a Herculean task!
With all of this pressure to heal and put your life back together going on at the same time you’re learning how to co-parent, it’s natural that you and your co-parent are going to run into trouble communicating now and again.
So, learning how to discuss co-parenting problems when they arise and without the discussion turning into a battle is one of the most important skill you can develop as you create your new life after divorce.
These 5 tips will help you discuss any co-parenting issues that arise without losing your cool:
- Co-parenting is about the kids.
Read more: How To Discuss Co-Parenting Issues Without Losing Your Cool
June 6, 2017
How to give them what they need – even when they’re not with you.
Kids need love, emotional support, consistent discipline, and structure to thrive. And you definitely want your child to thrive.
Yet, when you divorce, your ability to meet all of your child’s needs without fail becomes impossible – and not because of all the turmoil you’re dealing with. (Although, that does play a part.)
The real reason why you will never ever be able to meet all of your kid’s needs is because your ex, their other parent, has your child part of the time. And it’s your ex’s job to meet your child’s needs when they have your kid with them.
Yes, even if your ex sucks from your perspective, it’s still their responsibility to care for your child when they are together.
Of course, if your child suffers neglect or abuse when your ex is caring for them, then you do need to step in immediately. But thankfully, that’s not the norm.
When you can’t be 100% sure of what’s happening when the horrible person you were married to has your child, it’s easy to fall prey to your fears that your divorce will destroy your kid.
Read more: 3 Tips For Raising An INCREDIBLE Child, Even If Your Ex Sucks
June 2, 2017
Although there are no guarantees, these tips could make all the difference.
Every day people tell me stories of their struggles with learning that their spouse wants a divorce (or is at least strongly considering it). These people struggle because divorce is the last thing they want.
They know that although it takes two people to decide to get married, it only takes one to decide to divorce and that they desperately want to change their spouse’s mind. And so they ask me, “How can I save my marriage?”
The first thing I do when these people ask me for help is to let them know that the only way to have a shot at fixing things is to look at themselves – not their spouse – and get into action. Then I share the fact that even if they do get into action and follow my advice perfectly, there’s no guarantee they’ll be able to save their marriage. Finally, I tell them that if they don’t at least try, they’re almost certainly headed for divorce.
And for those people, like you, who are brave enough to look at themselves and do their absolute best to save their marriage, I give them the following advice.
Read more: 4 Tips For Preventing Divorce