Divorce Blog

How Can Self-Awareness Help Me?

Beautiful mature woman wondering, “How can self-awareness help me?”

Would you like your life to be better?

Mirrors are funny things. How else would you have any sense of your countenance without reflective surfaces? That visual self-awareness, however, is just that — visual (and the reverse of how you appear to others). Answering the question How can self-awareness help me? requires a different (and much more important) kind of mirror.

For all the eye rolls women get for the time they spend in front of mirrors, it turns out men have greater expression of the Narcissus gene. Men look at their reflection an average of 23 times a day, compared to 16 times a day for women.

What is especially interesting about this study’s findings is that men visit their reflection to admire it. Women, on the other hand, approach with a more critical eye.

No matter how easy it is to focus on the exterior, life and relationships are about so much more. There’s nothing like the revolving door of Hollywood marriages to drive home the point that wealth and physical beauty don’t guarantee happiness.

So you ask, How can self-awareness help me? How can it make a positive difference in my life if I don’t even realize I need it?

Self-awareness is a…

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9 Things All Happy People Know About Being Genuinely Happy

Genuinely happy, smiling woman wearing a gray t-shirt and blue hat.

Are you ready to discover how to be genuinely happy?

Happiness. Genuine, effortless, unencumbered happiness. It’s the Holy Grail of our pursuits, the quest of our madness in a world bent on having more, more, more. We work harder, condense the contents of time, and speed up the hamster wheel with every step. All in an effort to be genuinely happy.

Every year, on the International Day of Happiness, the World Happiness Report is released. It ranks countries based on their residents’ life satisfaction, rated on a scale of 1-10.

The telling results? Negative feelings – anger, sadness, worry – have significantly increased over the past decade.

And, for all the bragging rights beheld by “America,” the United States doesn’t even make the top 10. Not even close. (Top honors go to the northern European countries.) Seems there is more to being genuinely happy than “living the American dream.”

So, what is it that all happy people know about being genuinely happy? If nationality, income, social status, and even health status aren’t assured predictors of happiness, what are the predictors?

One thing’s for sure when it comes to the secrets to happiness: Being genuinely happy is a choice...and an inside job.

Here are…

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What It Really Means When You Think, “I Have No Life After Divorce”

Man with his face in his hands thinking I have no life after my divorce.

Not all thoughts are true – no matter how much you believe them.

Living in an unhappy marriage can feel like no life at all. The imprisonment of feeling trapped and seeing no way out can extinguish your vitality and your hope for the future. But even in the worst of experiences that beg for an escape route, divorce isn’t necessarily a panacea. Whether or not you wanted the split, you probably didn’t anticipate thinking, “I have no life after divorce.”

It goes without saying that healing after a divorce is different for everyone. Just as there are so many unique factors and influences that come together in the commitment of marriage, so there are in a divorce. 

Not only are there differences in divorce survival from person to person, but there are gender differences in surviving the consequences of divorce, as well. In general, men tend to eventually recover from the strain of divorce, while women tend to suffer chronically. Long-term differences in income and risk of poverty along with single-parenting set the stage for stark differences in post-divorce happiness.

Depending on factors like the length of the marriage and how it ended, divorce may seem like a step off a cliff into a…

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What Is Unhealthy Communication In Marriage?

Couple sitting by a fire who aren’t speaking because of unhealthy communication in their marriage.

Once you know what it is, you’ll be able to begin making your marriage better.

The joy of falling in love is usually – at least in part – rooted in the natural ease of communication with one another. You have so much in common. You think so much alike. You resolve your disagreements seemingly before they happen. You say please, thank you, and I’m sorry. You listen, care, avoid judgment, and put one another first. But somewhere along the line unhealthy communication in marriage starts to eat away at your relationship. 

It’s insidious and doesn’t always have a clear beginning. But if you don’t wake up and recognize it, it will definitely have a clear end. 

If healthy communication is the glue that holds happy marriages together, then unhealthy communication in marriage can be the relationship’s unraveling.

Think about people and things you hold in high esteem. A work of art, a musician, an actor, a surgeon – they can all leave you in awe. But why? What makes you revere, applaud, respect one entity over another?

Chances are it has something to do with how effortlessthe execution of quality seems. When you are in the presence of “masters,” you don’t have to…

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How Can Self-Awareness Improve Your Relationship?

Self-aware woman standing behind her sitting husband and hugging him.

The real question is, “How can’t it?”

If you’re married, have you ever pondered the evolution (or de-evolution) of your relationship from an emotional and communication standpoint? Have you ever wondered how you went from hanging onto your soon-to-be spouse’s every word to having a knee-jerk reaction to everything s/he now says? It’s so easy to be aware of every little annoyance inflicted by the other person. And yet, that awareness never solves anything. So how can self-awareness improve your relationship if other-awareness can’t?

Words like “improve,” “grow,” and “evolve” are really just positive expressions for “change.” As we all know, the only thing consistent in life is change. But the defining element for the nature and quality of that change is awareness. Without it, change has no direction, no higher purpose.

Being aware of what is going on outside of you is far easier than being aware of what is going on inside of you. What others say and do, how they say and do it; traffic; weather; politics; love; hatred; kindness; war. Who has time to self-examine when there is so much to focus on “out there”? And by focusing “out there” you’re opening yourself up to being judgmental and placing…

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