Divorce Blog

The 6 Biggest Mistakes People Make When Healing After A Divorce Or Breakup

Staring woman lying with her head on a pillow struggling with healing after a divorce or breakup.

Commit to avoiding the mistakes that only make things worse.

It sucks. It just does. The hurt, the anger, the loss (of seemingly everything -- companionship, security, self-esteem). The process of healing after a divorce or breakup can feel like insult on injury. It’s tough enough trying to pull yourself up by your bootstraps. But now you have to fight against being your own worst enemy.

The inherent challenge of moving on from a breakup is fighting the urge to connect. You build a relationship by striving in all you do to connect more genuinely, more intimately. To suddenly have that call-to-action ripped out from under you is a real blow. It’s like expecting a moving train to stop on a dime and go back to where it came from.

But whether or not it is apparent to you now, this time of healing after a divorce or breakup is a time of great potential. Sure, you didn’t want or plan to be here. But the beauty of life is that it is an equal-opportunity benefactor, and it imbues every situation with opportunities for exponential growth.

If you’re in the process of healing after a divorce or breakup and feel maddened by the frustrations and…

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How To Take Charge Of Your Quality Of Life After Divorce

Smiling man sitting at a table enjoying his quality of life after divorce.

You can beat divorce – if you’re willing to do the work.

The aftermath of divorce can wreak havoc with your heart and play all kinds of tricks with your mind. As if the shock, grief, and change in everything aren’t enough, you also have to worry about your quality of life after divorce. Where will I live? How will I make it financially? Will I spend the rest of my life alone?

The truth can be of little consolation when your life has come unhinged. And yet, there is consolation in the fact that the truth is just that -- the truth. When you feel no stability and no familiarity, you can at least look to that beacon of hope that is steadfast.

And the truth is this: You have more control over your quality of life after divorce than you think you do.

You will have choices to make, however. And you will have to take accountability -- for the past, for the future, and especially for the present. You may not be able to undo your divorce, but you can take charge of your quality of life after divorce. 

The biggest choice you will have to make is who is going to…

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The Pros & Cons Of Co-Parenting Without Talking

Mother and daughter sitting on a moped making faces in the mirror.

It’s possible, but is it in the best interest of your kids?

If divorce were only about you and your ex, you could go your silent, separate ways. No more having to compromise, negotiate, or listen to stories that have bored you for years. No more arguing, fuming, or fighting to be heard. No more “talking about it” when you just want to go ahead and do things your own way. But if you have children, co-parenting without talking won’t be so convenient.

Compared to custody and parenting arrangements from only a few decades ago, co-parenting is like a ‘180.’ No single parent is in charge, and focus is on the highest good of the children.

The key component to co-parenting is healthy communication. And, considering you may have divorced because of unhealthy communication, it may sound crazy to expect the two of you rise to the occasion now.

There can be a number of reasons that parents stop talking after a divorce. Jobs, personal schedules, new partners, shame, jealousy, incompatible communication styles, and even outright dislike for one another can cut the communication lines.

There are additional parenting options to co-parenting. Without talking to one another, you and your ex will have extra challenges…

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How To Get Over Resentment After An Affair And Start Living Your Life Again

Woman sitting in a lounge thinking about how to get over resent after an affair.

Three steps to help you put the past behind you.

There are no words to adequately describe the shock and pain of betrayal. It shakes the foundation of not only your relationship, but of your reality – all of it. And you resent it. You resent the action that your spouse or partner took to destroy everything you thought your life was. Yet you also know that you can’t continue living this way and you start wondering how to get over resentment after an affair.

Luckily getting over it is possible. And it all starts with understanding what resentment is.

What is resentment?

According to dictionary.com, resentment is the feeling of displeasure or indignation at some act, remark, person, etc., regarded as causing injury or insult. And, of course, this is technically correct. However, it pales when you consider resentment that is due to infidelity.

When you feel resentment because your spouse has cheated on you, describing it as simply displeasure or indignation seems trite. Resentment after an affair is crushing. It lays you bare and exposes insecurities and fears you never imagined were possible.

It’s also overwhelming. It can consume you every time you see the person who betrayed you, the one…

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12 Strategies For Dealing With Grief After A Divorce

Woman wearing a red hat wondering how to begin dealing with grief after a divorce.

You’re not destined to be stuck in the misery grief. You can move through it and be happy again.

Say the word ‘grief,’ and chances are those listening will wonder who died. We expect the dark, flooding overwhelm of emotions after a loved one dies. And we tend to be compassionate and patient with a process born out of loss that no one could control. But when you or someone else is dealing with grief after a divorce, the expectations are often less compassionate, patient...and understood.

There are several types of grief, and only bereavement is a specific response to death. That means that loss in a myriad of forms can start the clock on the grieving process. It’s a natural process, despite how foreign, complicated, and oppressive its emotional grasp can feel.

Since grief is such a natural process, and everyone experiences it at different times, in different forms, it’s worth talking about how to get through it.

Dealing with grief after a divorce is no different. Nearly 50% of marriages (and 41% of first marriages) in the United States will end in divorce or separation. Divorce grief is therefore a high-odds reality.

Depending on your source of information, grief will be outlined in…

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