- January 15, 2019
No matter how bad your divorce was, you don’t have to stay stuck & bitter for the rest of your life.
Divorce drags a lot of agony in its wake. And grief is an inescapable part of it. But the work to overcome grief after a bitter divorce can create another level of agony altogether.
Emotions like anger, guilt, shame, embarrassment, disappointment and fear are among the normal line-up after a divorce.
Bitterness, however, is ugly. It oozes out of anger, resentment and indignation over the perception of being treated unfairly. It goes beyond anger to a nastiness and malevolence toward the other person. It can even carry undertones of hatred.
Think about someone you have known who was so full of negative energy that s/he couldn’t focus on anything good. Perhaps that person had such deep, uncontrollable anger that s/he said and did “crazy” things.
Perhaps you even tried to reason with or help the person, but came to realize that there was no getting past the bitterness.
A person that “pissed off” can’t move on, and remains a prisoner to the past.
If you’re trying to overcome grief after a bitter divorce, you will have to do a lot of work to defuse…
Read more: 6 Strategies To Help You Overcome Grief After A Bitter Divorce
- January 14, 2019
Divorce is already stressful enough. If you’re waging a custody battle on top of that—a custody battle with a narcissist, no less—then it can be absolutely overwhelming. This is new, scary territory, and your children are on the line. It can be the most difficult ordeal of your life.
Narcissistic behavior is often no-holds-barred self-serving conduct that makes it harder for others to prevail by sticking to the rules. Many times, narcissists will do anything they think they can get away with to advance their cause. This might include:
- Personal attacks and insults
- Legal, financial, and personal threats against you or others you care about
- Gaslighting and other forms of psychological manipulation
- Attempting to turn others against you
- A willingness to spend considerable money to get what they want
The good news is that there are professionals who deal with these disputes every day, and they know how to win a custody battle against a narcissist. They can help you, and they’re your first stop on the road to making it through this crisis.
Hire an Experienced Attorney Who Specializes in Family Law
Fighting a custody battle with a narcissist is a dangerous turning point in your journey as a parent. You’re likely to be…
Read more: How To Win A Custody Battle Against A Narcissist
- January 8, 2019
It’s possible to have a great tomorrow even if today your life after divorce sucks.
Perhaps you wanted your divorce. Perhaps not. Perhaps it was for the best. Perhaps not. But if you are thinking, “I hate my life after divorce,” something has to change. Divorce may be an unexpected reality in your life, but it doesn’t have to be your life’s demise.
Let’s start with some validation -- because if you’re reading this, you are probably in some pain and looking for answers.
Divorce is gut-wrenching. It’s the consummate reversal of things hoped for, things dreamed of, things promised. It rearranges every corner of your life.
It can add therapy bills to your expenses and divide your personal and material assets in ways you couldn’t have imagined. You see your children half as much, your self-esteem takes a hit, and the future can seem non-existent.
Quite frankly, it sucks. And it’s no wonder you’re saying, “I hate my life after divorce.”
But it doesn’t have to stay that way. There is light at the end of the tunnel, and it’s not that train you’re feeling chased by at the moment.
If you find yourself stuck in the pain of your divorce, two reasons may…
Read more: What To Do If You Find Yourself Saying, “I Hate My Life After Divorce”
- December 31, 2018
These tips for changing an unhappy marriage will help you begin changing yours.
To begin changing an unhappy marriage is to welcome an avalanche of feelings, questions, disappointments, even fears. The admission is like the last finger sliding from your death-grip on a steep cliff, with nothing below to catch you.
OK, so that’s a bit dramatic. But to the person finally mouthing the words, “I’m in an unhappy marriage,” that scenario may not be too far from the truth. After all, marriages don’t just rocket out of the “happiness atmosphere” and into the black hole of despair overnight. They inch their way along with a little neglect here, some acrimony there, a veneer of denial everywhere….
If you’ve reached the point where denial is no longer an option, you may wonder if changing an unhappy marriage is possible. And if you have come to this conclusion of unhappiness alone, you may feel you are the keeper of a deep, dark secret.
It’s unlikely that one spouse is miserable while the other is basking in bliss. But it’s not unrealistic to expect that the two come to their recognition of an unhappy marriage in different ways, at different times.
The things that accumulate to damage…
Read more: 7 Tips For Changing An Unhappy Marriage For The Better
- December 26, 2018
When co-parenting doesn’t work, you can still raise happy, healthy children post-divorce.
When a divorce involves children, the most important considerations necessarily revolve around them. When co-parenting doesn’t work as a custodial solution, the priority of the children must still be maintained.
Given that children need and deserve to have a relationship with both parents, it makes sense that co-parenting would be the ideal arrangement. In a healthy co-parenting arrangement, the children, not the parents, are the focus.
Co-parenting expects parents to essentially “be on their best behavior” and practice healthy co-parenting. They have to communicate regularly, agree on fundamental child-rearing strategies and rules, and put the needs of the kids above their own.
As idyllic an arrangement as that sounds -- short of being happily married -- it’s not always possible.
Some couples simply aren’t ready or able to rise above their lingering negative emotions like anger, resentment and jealousy. Sometimes parenting philosophies and behaviors are starkly different. (Perhaps those differences even played a role in the divorce.) And sometimes two people are just flat-out incapable of collaboration.
Read more: What To Do When Co-Parenting Doesn't Work