Coparenting

3 Tips For Raising An INCREDIBLE Child, Even If Your Ex Sucks

 

How to give them what they need – even when they’re not with you.

Kids need love, emotional support, consistent discipline, and structure to thrive. And you definitely want your child to thrive.

Yet, when you divorce, your ability to meet all of your child’s needs without fail becomes impossible – and not because of all the turmoil you’re dealing with. (Although, that does play a part.)

The real reason why you will never ever be able to meet all of your kid’s needs is because your ex, their other parent, has your child part of the time. And it’s your ex’s job to meet your child’s needs when they have your kid with them.

Yes, even if your ex sucks from your perspective, it’s still their responsibility to care for your child when they are together.

Of course, if your child suffers neglect or abuse when your ex is caring for them, then you do need to step in immediately. But thankfully, that’s not the norm.

When you can’t be 100% sure of what’s happening when the horrible person you were married to has your child, it’s easy to fall prey to your fears that your divorce will destroy your kid.

But,…

Read more: 3 Tips For Raising An INCREDIBLE Child, Even If Your Ex Sucks

How To Win Your Next Co-Parenting “Conversation”

These 5 tips will help you feel victorious!

Making the transition from one half of a married couple with kids to being a co-parent is tough. One part of you never wants to see – much less communicate – with your ex ever, Ever, EVER again!

But another part recognizes that your ex is your kids’ other parent. And this part knows that your co-parent will be part of your life F.O.R.E.V.E.R…

You’ve got (at least) these two different perspectives warring within yourself every single time you have to interact with your ex. Every contact is a battle for you. And it’s got you completely stressed out.

You flinch when you hear your phone notify you of a new text. Your blood pressure soars when you see an email from your ex in your inbox. And when you know you’re going to see your co-parent you hardly recognize yourself.

The unhappy truth is that even though you’re not married any longer, your ex is still controlling you. And because they’re controlling you, they’re winning and you’re losing. Losing is not what you need right now. You’ve already lost enough with the divorce.

So it’s time to take control back,…

Read more: How To Win Your Next Co-Parenting “Conversation”

How To Set Boundaries When Co Parenting With A Narcissist

Boundaries when co parenting are critical to raising happy, healthy kids.

Implementing these boundaries when co parenting will make parenting with your narcissistic ex easier.

One of the reasons your marriage ended in divorce was because living with a narcissist just wasn’t worth it any longer.

You hoped that by getting divorced your life would be infinitely better. You’d do your work to overcome the PTSD and low self-esteem and depression and whatever else you were suffering with in your marriage and things would be better for you and for your kids.

And now that you’re divorced, some things are better.

But when it comes to co parenting with your ex, the torture you experience is the same as (or worse than) it was when you were married.

You chose co parenting for your children because “experts” promote it as the best way to parent post-divorce. You followed their advice that the key to being successful is to set boundaries when co parenting. Well, you’ve tried and tried to establish boundaries to make co parenting with a narcissist work, but life is still a living hell whenever you interact with your ex.

The crux of the problem is that co parenting with a narcissist doesn’t work any better than marriage with a narcissist does.

But there is…

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What You MUST Do If You're Co Parenting With A Toxic Ex

Child whose parents are each struggling with co parenting with a toxic ex.

These 6 tips will help you become a better co parent despite how poisonous your ex is.

People call their ex toxic for a lot of different reasons – from anger about the divorce, fear about their ex’s parenting abilities, abuse, narcissism, alienating the children, and addiction. This wide range of descriptions makes it really difficult to find reliable information about co parenting with a toxic ex.

This confusion, on top of the already unwanted and tumultuous emotions of divorce, is the last thing you need.

Although the tips below will help you co parent regardless of the poisonous nature of your ex, they will be most helpful if your toxic ex behaves poorly toward you (and, at times, your children). If your ex’s toxicity is due to something more severe, you may want to have more specific help. (Here are some resources to help you get more pertinent information about co parenting with an abuser, an addict and a narcissist.)

  1. Get clear about what’s most important to you as a parent.The most important thing to any parent is taking care of their children. Putting your kids and their needs front and center will help you focus and more easily navigate the poor behavior of…

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When Co Parenting Is Impossible

No child is doomed when co parenting is impossible after divorce.

Coparenting isn’t always the best choice for raising happy, healthy kids after divorce.

As idyllic as many divorce professionals make coparenting sound for parents who don’t live together, sometimes it’s just impossible to do.

Some reasons co parenting is impossible include:

  • A parent is actively abusing alcohol, drugs or another substance
  • A parent is incarcerated
  • A parent is violent or has threatened violence against an adult, child, pet or property
  • One parent has active restraining orders against the other parent
  • A parent has an appropriate sexual behavior or other acting out behavior
  • A parent neglects or has abandoned their child (children)
  • A parent has a history of frequent, unexpected moves or plans to move out of the area
  • A parent is actively alienating their child/children from the other parent
  • There’s simply too much friction between the parents to communicate at the level necessary for coparenting.

But just because you can’t enter into a coparenting relationship with your child or children’s other parent, that doesn’t mean that your divorce will destroy your children. What’s most important for your children to adjust well to your divorce is that you adjust well to it because your emotions are contagious.

When coparenting is impossible, you do have other options. You…

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