8 Brutal Signs You Hate Your Ex MORE Than You Love Your Kids

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May 15, 2015

All is fair in love and war? Not when your kids become casualties!

Divorce changes everything — especially your feelings about your ex. Far from the love you felt on your wedding day, now you probably feel something closer to frustration, anger, or even downright hate.

Hostile feelings during divorce are common but we all know NOT to expose our children to that toxic resentment, right?

In my experience working with divorced families, most divorced parents claim they're all about their kids. They pat themselves on the back endlessly, thinking that they ALWAYS put the kids first and would never do ANYTHING that might harm or distress their children. But in practice, that altruism is rarely present.

Are parents saying these things to convince themselves or others? I'm not sure. All I know is, those declarations of "my love for my children comes first" are rarely true.

And I challenge you to reflect on your own behavior to see whether you hate your ex more than you love your children!

What do I mean? I mean that when it comes to making choices about your reactions or behavior, your anger for your ex poisons your decisions — you just can't hold your tongue, or resist…

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How To Effectively Co-Parent With A Bully During Divorce

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April 3, 2015

3 tips to help you mitigate the meltdowns while co-parenting during divorce.

A typical divorce is dramatic and traumatic for everyone involved. Divorce means that lives get changed forever – first and foremost your life, your kids’ lives, and your soon-to-be-ex’s (S2BX) life.

Although for some people the thought of things never being the same is a blessing. The blessing is no longer having to deal on a daily basis with temper tantrums, intimidation, insinuations, inquisitions, bossiness, or put-downs – the hallmarks of an emotional bully.

These people yearn for freedom from the drama and trauma of their marriage. They look forward to the end of walking on eggshells around their spouse so they can rebuild both their self-esteem and their self-confidence.

As much as you are looking forward to being divorced, your kids aren’t. They love both their parents. For them the thought of being separated from either of you is painful and scary.

Learning to co-parent with a bully is critical. Your kids deserve to feel as safe and loved as possible during your divorce. Co-parenting is the quickest way to achieve that. And the hard truth is that as the non-bully the bulk of this learning will fall on your shoulders.

Co-parenting…

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3 Bullsh*t Ways WOMEN Bully Men After Divorce – P.S. Your Kids Notice

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May 13, 2015

You’re not fooling anyone, ladies. And your kids notice it, too!

When we think of couples going through "an ugly divorce," people often assume that if one side is being an emotional bully, it's the man. We instantly imagine it's the poor, beleaguered ex-wife who is left to struggle under his oppression and vicious attacks—emotionally, financially, and sometimes even physically.

Honestly, I thought that, too, until one of my male family members went through a divorce years ago. Then it became painfully obvious that there are plenty of ex-wife bullies out there, too.

Are YOU an ex-wife bully? No one wants to admit so, of course. We all believe we're in the right by default, but are you?

Here are three tell-tale signs YOU are the mean one in your post-divorce relationship ... not him:

1. You manipulate by withholding child visitation.

To clarify, this is one of the cruelest and most vicious ex-wife bully tactics. Obviously if your ex is a true threat to the safety of your children, the court should become involved in deciding what safe visitation entails. But outside of that, deciding to not let your ex see the children because you're mad at him—because he has a new girlfriend, or gave the kids junk…

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Want A Happy Blended Family? 5 Rules Stepparents MUST Follow

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January 20, 2015

Love and respect is earned from a child, not demanded.

If you're thinking of marrying someone with kids, or if you've got kids and you're getting married, your kids are going to gain a stepparent. Blended families are challenging and cause stress on your marriage.

However, here are five rules for being a stepparent that help improve harmony in both your marriage and your blended family:

1. A stepparent is NOT the parent. A stepparent is a "bonus" parent in a child's life. As a bonus parent, giving gifts in an effort to buy a child's affection will not gain the status of new best friend. Your role is as another safe adult for the child to interact with. Your job is to model healthy life perspectives that complement those of their biological parents.

2. A stepparent co-creates the rules for their house with their spouse (the child's parent). By co-creating the rules and supporting each other in their enforcement, you avoid becoming the evil stepparent. You'll also create a home that you and your spouse will enjoy.

3. You can—and should—expect respect from the child, and showrespect as well. As in any relationship, there will be times of struggle in the stepparent/stepchild relationship. Mutual respect…

Read more: Want A Happy Blended Family? 5 Rules Stepparents MUST Follow