Coparenting

10 Tips For Healing A Child's Heart After Divorce

By focusing on healing a child’s heart after divorce, his parents might have alleviated the isolation this boy is feeling.

Healing a child’s heart after divorce is tricky. Luckily your child can heal without lasting scars.

Healing your heart after divorce can be a long, all-encompassing journey. The thought of healing a child’s heart after divorce can take your breath away. Children are, after all, the innocent, powerless victims -- the collateral damage with no say in the implosion of their family.

Children are, by their nature, resilient. But how they react and adapt in the case of divorce depends on a number of factors, including age, personality and circumstances.

And success in healing a child’s heart after divorce depends largely on you -- how you react, adapt...and communicate.

Parents, even without intending, can be so engrossed in their own emotions that they forget about the emotional impact on their children. If the separation and divorce are especially hostile, they may not be able to see beyond their own anger and blame.

A common mistake parents make is failing to acknowledge and help children talk through the impact of the divorce.

Sometimes guilt gets in the way. Sometimes parents don’t have the awareness essential to be present to their children in the necessary way. And sometimes they don’t have the necessary emotional or communication…

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How To Win A Custody Battle Against A Narcissist

Woman hugging boy on her lap as she ponders how to win a custody battle against a narcissist.

Divorce is already stressful enough. If you’re waging a custody battle on top of that—a custody battle with a narcissist, no less—then it can be absolutely overwhelming. This is new, scary territory, and your children are on the line. It can be the most difficult ordeal of your life.

Narcissistic behavior is often no-holds-barred self-serving conduct that makes it harder for others to prevail by sticking to the rules. Many times, narcissists will do anything they think they can get away with to advance their cause. This might include:

  • Personal attacks and insults
  • Legal, financial, and personal threats against you or others you care about
  • Gaslighting and other forms of psychological manipulation
  • Attempting to turn others against you
  • A willingness to spend considerable money to get what they want

The good news is that there are professionals who deal with these disputes every day, and they know how to win a custody battle against a narcissist. They can help you, and they’re your first stop on the road to making it through this crisis.

Hire an Experienced Attorney Who Specializes in Family Law

Fighting a custody battle with a narcissist is a dangerous turning point in your journey as a parent. You’re likely to be…

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The 6 Challenges Of Co-Parenting vs Parallel Parenting

This girl doesn’t care about co-parenting vs parallel parenting, she just wants her parents’ love.

How you parent after divorce has a lot to do with how well you’ve healed from your divorce.

Even divorce can’t excise an unwanted ex from your life if there are children left to be raised. Sole custody vs co-parenting vs parallel parenting -- the child-rearing component can be the most harrowing aspect of a marital split.

Ideally the parting adults would be just that: adults. They would recognize that their personal inability to co-exist in a marriage should not preclude their ability to be good parents. And they would be up for the task of behaving and communicating accordingly.

They would be unequivocally committed to the welfare and happiness of their children, even at the cost of their own comfort and convenience. They would never fight in front of, let alone through their children. And their children would have strong, healthy relationships with both parents

But alas, we know that is far from the norm. Children of divorce grow up steeped in the influences and effects of their parents’ actions. And their parents often don’t recognize their own influence until the damage has been done.

While sole custodyis relatively rare, there are reasons that it is in the best interest of a child. More…

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What To Do When Co-Parenting Doesn't Work

When co-parenting doesn’t work, your child could be suffering more than you know.

When co-parenting doesn’t work, you can still raise happy, healthy children post-divorce.

When a divorce involves children, the most important considerations necessarily revolve around them. When co-parenting doesn’t work as a custodial solution, the priority of the children must still be maintained.

Given that children need and deserve to have a relationship with both parents, it makes sense that co-parenting would be the ideal arrangement. In a healthy co-parenting arrangement, the children, not the parents, are the focus.

Co-parenting expects parents to essentially “be on their best behavior” and practice healthy co-parenting. They have to communicate regularly, agree on fundamental child-rearing strategies and rules, and put the needs of the kids above their own.

As idyllic an arrangement as that sounds -- short of being happily married -- it’s not always possible.

Some couples simply aren’t ready or able to rise above their lingering negative emotions like anger, resentment and jealousy. Sometimes parenting philosophies and behaviors are starkly different. (Perhaps those differences even played a role in the divorce.) And sometimes two people are just flat-out incapable of collaboration.

Research shows that it’s not divorce itself that causes lasting harm to children. It’s being an audience to their parents’ destructive fighting that harms them. And…

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10 Tips For Co-Parenting Without Power Struggles

Father and son who have learned the benefits of co-parenting without power struggles.

Co-parenting without power struggles is more than a nice idea. It’s a must for your kid’s happiness.

Power struggles are often one of the reasons people divorce. But when children are involved, that push-and-pull has to stop.

Co-parenting without power struggles is more than just a nice idea. It’s something that has to happen if your children are going to survive the family break-up with any sort of normalcy and healthy development.

Ideally, co-parents approach the arrangement as an equal partnership in raising their children. Both adults contribute financially, emotionally, and with physical presence. They abide by their divorce and custody decree, communicate openly and civilly, and leave onlookers wondering why they ever divorced in the first place.

But the picture is rarely painted in such bright, unicorns-and-rainbows colors. More often than not, divorced co-parents are hanging onto unresolved marital issues. And insofar as they have to stay connected because of the kids, they battle the remaining issues out on the parenting field.

Common experiences of single co-parents include:

  • lack of consistency
  • fighting
  • resentment
  • power struggles and power plays
  • disrespecting boundaries
  • jealousy over an ex’s new love interest
  • time mismanagement
  • conditional support
  • financial irresponsibility and/or one-sidedness
  • differences in parenting values
  • disparagement of one parent by the…

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