Coparenting

When Co Parenting Is Impossible

Details: January 2, 2017

Coparenting isn’t always the best choice for raising happy, healthy kids after divorce.

As idyllic as many divorce professionals make coparenting sound for parents who don’t live together, sometimes it’s just impossible to do.

Some reasons co parenting is impossible include:

A parent is actively abusing alcohol, drugs or another substance
A parent is incarcerated
A parent is violent or has threatened violence against an adult, child, pet or property
One parent has active restraining orders against the other parent
A parent has an appropriate sexual behavior or other acting out behavior
A parent neglects or has abandoned their child (children)
A parent has a history of frequent, unexpected moves or plans to move out of the area
A parent is actively alienating their child/children from the other parent
There’s simply too much friction between the parents to communicate at the level necessary for coparenting.

But just because you can’t enter into a coparenting relationship with your child or children’s other parent, that doesn’t mean that your divorce will destroy your children. What’s most important for your children to adjust well to your divorce is that you adjust well to it because your emotions are contagious.

When coparenting is impossible, you do have other options. You…

Who Does Co-Parenting Benefit?

Details: December 17, 2016

Co-parenting is not just about the kids.

Co-parenting is a term that most people don’t hear until they’re separating or divorcing. But the truth is that co-parenting is the ideal way to parent regardless of marital status. (Although, ideal doesn’t mean it will work best for you and your situation.) That’s because parents who raise their children this way agree on parenting decisions and choose to put their kids’ needs first.

At first blush, this definition of co-parenting makes it seem like the kids are the only beneficiaries. And there are definitely a lot of benefits for children whose parents co-parent. Among them are:

Increased sense of security and self-worth. Kids who are co-parented know they can rely on both Mom and Dad to have their best interests at heart and to be consistent in their parenting decisions. This increased sense of security also translates to the children feeling loved and important.
Decreased stress, anxiety and guilt at each of their homes. When kids know that their parents are working together to raise them, they don’t have to worry about Dad or Mom. They are free to simply be kids.
Decreased stress and anxiety outside of the home.When children can trust their parents…

How To Co-Parent With The Enemy

Details: June 15, 2016

Your kids are worth you knowing how to co-parent with your ex.

You can’t co-parent if you’re still waging war. Your kids deserve much better from you.

Some divorces are easy. Unfortunately, most aren’t. Most divorces are really, really hard to get through. And the worst ones? Those are the ones where the divorce became a war and the former spouses still view each other as the enemy because they know in their guts that the divorce was just one battle.

And after the divorce is final, the kids (and their affection) become the next battle. One of the former spouses will win and the other will lose. But the problem is the kids will lose too.

If you see your ex as the enemy, it can seem nearly impossible to co-parent with them yet somehow that’s exactly what you need to do: figure out how to co-parent with the enemy.

Sure, you’ve read all kinds of how to co-parent articles and books, but few if any help because they’re either too superficial or they assume you and your ex had this easy-peasy divorce where you’re still best friends. How unhelpful is that?!

So where do you need to start on your journey of learning how to co-parent with the enemy?

Right here.

You must decide that you’ll put…

11 Halloween Ideas For Celebrating With Your Kids Post-Divorce

Details: September 16, 2016

Halloween ideas like carving jack-o-lanterns are great for celebrating with your kids post-divorce.

Don’t let not having your kids on the 31^st prevent you from celebrating Halloween with them!

Halloween marks the beginning of the holiday season. From October 31^st on, the parties, shopping, anticipation and, if you’re recently divorced, dread begin.

Why dread? Because now it’s sinking in that being with your children for all the holidays is a thing of the past. You’ll be sharing your kids with their other parent. And that means you’ll be A.L.O.N.E. for at least some holidays every year.

Yup, alone for the holidays.

After you let that sink in for a moment, it’s time to get into action and start planning how you can still celebrate each of the holidays with your children even if you don’t have them on the official holiday day.

And the best place to start is at the beginning of the holiday season – Halloween.

To get you started with your planning, here are 11 Halloween ideas that you can use as is or as the jumping off point for your own amazing way to still have bunches of Halloween fun with your kids.

Have a Halloween party for your kids.Make sure it’s a costume party. And for extra fun include a…

How To Tell Your Kids You’re Getting Divorced

Details: July 10, 2015

Planning and compassion are the most important pieces of this life-altering conversation.

One of the most difficult things to do after you’ve decided to divorce is telling your children about your decision. It’s so hard because you aren’t sure exactly how your kids will react and you’re concerned that your divorce will negatively impact them for the rest of their lives. Those are some really important and valid things to worry about – especially since you’ve probably got the same concerns for yourself. That’s why it’s so important to get this conversation right.

To get it right, you must keep the big picture goals in mind: happiness for both parents who raise happy, healthy children who have the support and love they need to become happy, healthy, contributing adults. From this starting point, you can begin planning how you will tell your kids.

As difficult as it is, the best way to prepare is together. It’s best for your kids if you and your soon-to-be-ex spouse have the exact same message.

What do you need to include in your preparation?

First, are you 100% sure that the separation and/or divorce is happening? If it’s in question, you’re not ready to tell the kids because you’ll…