Healing After Divorce

4 Secrets To Putting Your Divorce Behind You

By consistently using these 4 secrets, you’ll avoid getting stuck as you heal from divorce.

Many people naively assume that moving on after divorce happens naturally. They believe that somehow after either the decision to divorce is reached or the divorce agreement has been signed you are suddenly free from the past and should be over your divorce.

The truth is the people who think like this have rarely been through divorce themselves. They don’t know the agony of a failed marriage. They also don’t know how difficult it is to be able to honestly say that your divorce is just part of your past and not a constant presence in your life.

Despite the difficulty, you can truly get over your divorce and enjoy your new, unmarried life. But it will take more than just time passing or ink drying on some legal documents.

To put your divorce behind you, you’ll need to regularly use these 4 secrets:

  1. Have a vision for your life. Once you know what you want, it’s a whole lot easier to start doing what you must to have that life.

    But this isn’t quite as simple or easy as it seems at first. That’s because people who are struggling with getting over…

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Are Negative Thoughts Common After Divorce?

Woman wondering if her negative thoughts are normal after divorce.

The help you need for understanding your post-divorce negative thoughts and how to stop them.

Getting through all the drama, trauma and legalities of divorce is positively exhausting. It makes sense that you would wrestle with negative thoughts while you’re going through divorce.

After all, before your divorce was final it was perfectly normal to struggle with coming to terms with the end of your marriage, your (and your kids’) tumultuous emotions, all the legal stuff, your drastically altered financial situation, and figuring out how to live your life now that you’re single.

You’d think that after the ink dried on your decree that you’d feel better. But you don’t – at least not completely. Sure, some things are easier. Yet you’re still plagued by horribly negative thoughts.

Thoughts like:

  • I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life.
  • I’m a failure.
  • How could s/he give up on us so easily?
  • Why has s/he moved on already?
  • It’s so unfair that my life has to change like this.
  • I know this divorce has destroyed my kids’ chances of ever being happy.

And these critical, fearful, worrisome, angry and despairing thoughts worry you. You believe that you should be over it all by now. And with…

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3 Tips For Coping With The Holidays While You're Dealing With Divorce

Woman contentedly wrapping a present for the holidays despite dealing with divorce.

You don’t have to dread the holidays just because you’re dealing with divorce.

The first holidays after divorce are tough. This is the one time of year when family and spending time with family is emphasized. And this holiday season, instead of being able to celebrate the whole season with a spouse (and your kids), you’re stuck dealing with divorce and dreading the holidays.

Despite how dismal your divorce is making things seem, it is possible to find at least some glimpses of genuine joy this season.

Use these three tips for making it through the holidays while you’re dealing with divorce:

  1. Know that it’s OK for the holidays to be different. Different doesn’t mean bad or wrong or that your divorce has destroyed the holidays for your kids for the rest of their lives. Different just means not the same. And the wonderful thing about not being the same is that you can choose to make things even better than they were before.
  2. Focus on what’s good…or ignore what your ex is doing for the holidays. I know it's tough not comparing how your ex is celebrating the holidays (especially if you have kids) to how you're celebrating them, but all comparison buys you is misery. Yup,…

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Am I The Only One In WTF Mode?

In short, no. Here’s why and what you can do about it.

Getting served with divorce papers out of the blue is without question a WTF moment.

Seriously, how could you ever be prepared for it? Sure your marriage wasn’t perfect, but whose is? And what gives the person who promised they’d love you forever the right to just quit? These and a million other questions are probably running through your mind right now.

Your thoughts are swirling with trying to make sense of the fact that your spouse or soon-to-be-ex wants a divorce and your emotions are just trying to catch up. One minute you’re in shock, the next you’re pissed and then you’re sad. All you’re left with is WTF.

The brutal truth is your spouse has betrayed you – well, at least they’ve betrayed your expectations. We all build our lives on expectations because it’s how we’ve learned to make sense of the world. The problem is we base our expectations on assumptions about other people. And, unfortunately, our assumptions aren’t always correct.

That’s why when an experience challenges or simply proves wrong one of your fundamental assumptions – that your marriage is going to last – your entire world perspective goes into…

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Why You’re Having Negative Thoughts Post-Divorce And How To Stop Them

Woman in restaurant stuck in a world of negative thoughts.

Negative thoughts are a normal part of divorce, but you don’t have to suffer with them indefinitely.

Even in the best of times we all have negative thoughts. But when you get divorced the negative thoughts take over. You become trapped in a world of fears. You’re constantly asking yourself, “What if this happens?” And, of course, this is something really, really bad.

The nightmare of negativity and pessimism is constant. You’re bombarded by terrifying thoughts whether you’re awake or asleep and dreaming (that is if you’re lucky enough to get some sleep).

What makes the pessimism so prevalent now when you’re trying to find the strength to heal and move on with your life?

The truth is that all of these negative thoughts are fueled by depression and anxiety. And it probably comes as no surprise to you that divorce triggers depression and anxiety for a lot of people.

The problem is that no matter how well you understand why your mind races after one bit of negativity and fear mongering after another, the simple understanding will never, ever make the thoughts stop. That’s because anxiety changes your brain. It impacts the way you think in such a way that the more you think negative thoughts, the more…

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