Letting Go Is The First Step Of Divorce Recovery

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August 2, 2016

This exercise will jump start your divorce recovery.

One of the most difficult parts of getting over your divorce is letting go.

Letting go of the past, letting go of the hurt and confusion, along with letting go of the dreams and plans you had for the future together seem to require Herculean efforts. And yet you know it’s necessary to let it all go if you’re ever going to move on from your divorce.

Even though your marriage ended, I’ll bet that not all of your memories of being together are bad. You’ve got plenty of good ones that are worth holding on to, but not if remembering them causes you to question again and again and again why your ex decided to end your marriage. All that does is keeps you stuck.

And this is where the hurt and confusion comes from. How could your ex decide that divorce was the answer? How could they throw away everything you had together? Learning to find your own answers to these questions is another part of what you need for divorce recovery.

And if the pain of the past and present weren’t enough, there’s the pain of all the future dreams and plans that just won’t…

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Conquering Depression Post-Divorce

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August 1, 2016

Like all good plans, this one is extremely simple and effective.

Divorce really takes it out of you. It’s an f-ing life changing event that’s thrown unexpectedly your way by the one person who promised to love you for the rest of your life. But…Surprise! (in a really horrible way) They don’t love you anymore.

You’ve spent years of your life investing in them and a marriage that didn’t work out. You can’t help looking at those years as wasted. And it’s this perspective, this view of your life that allows the situational depression of divorce to take root deeply and invade not only your life, but your soul.

I know you know you need to get this weed out of your life and yet the depression itself makes it difficult to do much about it.

But don’t worry. You can conquer the depression. You will feel happy again. And you can do it very simply. (Simply, yes. Easily, not necessarily.)

1. Breathe – Yes, I know you’re already breathing but hear me out for a minute.
   
   Our breathing changes when we’re feeling depressed. We breathe more shallowly and hold our breath.
   
   To compensate for the lack of oxygen, we sigh or yawn frequently which both trigger…
   

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Divorced? How To Stop Feeling Like A Failure

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August 1, 2016

You really haven’t lost your identity along with everything else even though it feels like it now.

The losses you suffer when you divorce can seem never ending. Each realization of loss sends you deeper and deeper into grief. At times it can feel as if you’re drowning in the sadness (or maybe it’s just your tears).

Yet permeating through all of the losses is one that you just can’t shake. That’s the loss of you – or at least your identity as a spouse.

Unfortunately, your old identity is readily replaced with a new one, a painful one, an awful one. You now believe that you’re a failure. Feeling like a failure after divorce is fairly normal because it has its roots in lessons you learned from a very young age.

When you first started school you were taught to view tasks, tests and homework as things you either passed or failed. To pass, you just had to do things well enough compared to the rest of your class. To fail, you either had to ignore the assignment or display a complete lack of effort and/or understanding.

When you overlay this training on a failed marriage, it’s way too easy to reach the conclusion that…

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5 Powerful Reasons You MUST Forgive Your Ex

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July 14, 2016

No, you don’t have to like what they did, but you do have to like love you.

Forgiveness. It’s a powerful word because it evokes a myriad of thoughts and emotions.

Anger about the unfairness of it all.

Revenge because they deserve to feel as much pain as you do.

Justice because they need to learn that they can’t treat people the way they’ve treated you.

Fear because you’re unsure what happens after you forgive them.

Bitterness because if you forgive them, they’ll get away with it.

Calm because you know forgiveness is the next step for you.

Peace because you’ve forgiven in the past and peace has been the result.

Duty because forgiveness is what your religion or spiritual practice teaches.

Confusion because you’re not exactly sure what forgiveness means.

Injustice because you don’t feel like you should have to give your ex anything more.

Vulnerability because you’re afraid that by forgiving them you’ll give them carte blanche to continue hurting you since you’re not doing anything about it.

Depression because you believe you must have deserved to be treated badly in the first place and forgiveness would only validate their behavior.

Victimhood because forgiveness means you’d admit to being a victim of what they’ve…

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