Healing After Divorce

Am I The Only One In WTF Mode?

In short, no. Here’s why and what you can do about it.

Getting served with divorce papers out of the blue is without question a WTF moment.

Seriously, how could you ever be prepared for it? Sure your marriage wasn’t perfect, but whose is? And what gives the person who promised they’d love you forever the right to just quit? These and a million other questions are probably running through your mind right now.

Your thoughts are swirling with trying to make sense of the fact that your spouse or soon-to-be-ex wants a divorce and your emotions are just trying to catch up. One minute you’re in shock, the next you’re pissed and then you’re sad. All you’re left with is WTF.

The brutal truth is your spouse has betrayed you – well, at least they’ve betrayed your expectations. We all build our lives on expectations because it’s how we’ve learned to make sense of the world. The problem is we base our expectations on assumptions about other people. And, unfortunately, our assumptions aren’t always correct.

That’s why when an experience challenges or simply proves wrong one of your fundamental assumptions – that your marriage is going to last – your entire world perspective goes into…

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3 Tips For Coping With The Holidays While You're Dealing With Divorce

Woman contentedly wrapping a present for the holidays despite dealing with divorce.

You don’t have to dread the holidays just because you’re dealing with divorce.

The first holidays after divorce are tough. This is the one time of year when family and spending time with family is emphasized. And this holiday season, instead of being able to celebrate the whole season with a spouse (and your kids), you’re stuck dealing with divorce and dreading the holidays.

Despite how dismal your divorce is making things seem, it is possible to find at least some glimpses of genuine joy this season.

Use these three tips for making it through the holidays while you’re dealing with divorce:

  1. Know that it’s OK for the holidays to be different. Different doesn’t mean bad or wrong or that your divorce has destroyed the holidays for your kids for the rest of their lives. Different just means not the same. And the wonderful thing about not being the same is that you can choose to make things even better than they were before.
  2. Focus on what’s good…or ignore what your ex is doing for the holidays. I know it's tough not comparing how your ex is celebrating the holidays (especially if you have kids) to how you're celebrating them, but all comparison buys you is misery. Yup,…

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The Divorce Advice You Need For Healing After Divorce

Man absorbed in working on his plan for healing after divorce.

These eight tips are the perfect guides for healing after divorce.

Around the world, hundreds of thousands of people divorce each year. Some of these divorcees are able to heal and move forward with their lives. And some of these people become bitter and remain miserable for years and years if not the rest of their lives.

If you’re in the process of getting over your divorce, you’re probably wondering what’s the difference between these two groups of people because you want to do everything in your power to make sure you’re not part of the latter group.

The difference between these two groups comes down to whether or not they’re able to follow these 8 key pieces of advice for healing after divorce:

  1. Be Gentle With Yourself.Getting divorced is one of the most difficult experiences anyone can have. It’s exhausting emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually. So resist the temptation to put too much pressure on yourself to get things done despite the seemingly never-ending list of things you’ve got to get done. The truth is that if you don’t have the energy or mental capacity to accomplish your tasks, you’ll only be making a bigger mess of things. So take the time you need to…

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Why You’re Having Negative Thoughts Post-Divorce And How To Stop Them

Woman in restaurant stuck in a world of negative thoughts.

Negative thoughts are a normal part of divorce, but you don’t have to suffer with them indefinitely.

Even in the best of times we all have negative thoughts. But when you get divorced the negative thoughts take over. You become trapped in a world of fears. You’re constantly asking yourself, “What if this happens?” And, of course, this is something really, really bad.

The nightmare of negativity and pessimism is constant. You’re bombarded by terrifying thoughts whether you’re awake or asleep and dreaming (that is if you’re lucky enough to get some sleep).

What makes the pessimism so prevalent now when you’re trying to find the strength to heal and move on with your life?

The truth is that all of these negative thoughts are fueled by depression and anxiety. And it probably comes as no surprise to you that divorce triggers depression and anxiety for a lot of people.

The problem is that no matter how well you understand why your mind races after one bit of negativity and fear mongering after another, the simple understanding will never, ever make the thoughts stop. That’s because anxiety changes your brain. It impacts the way you think in such a way that the more you think negative thoughts, the more…

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How To Deal With The SH*T People Say When You're Getting Divorced

You never know what people will say, but you don’t have to let their words destroy you.

You’d like to believe that people would be kind and compassionate to you when you’re getting divorced. After all it is one of the most stressful things you can go through.

And sometimes you’re lucky because people are kind and compassionate. But there are always those people who say the most awful things.

Here are just a few of the horrible comments my clients have reported they’ve been told:

“Just get over your divorce already!” a helping professional, a friend, and a family member

“I knew he was still cheating on you when you reconciled, but I didn’t want to tell you since you were trying to make it work.” a friend

“Why do you care if he’s seeing someone else? You left him.” a friend and a family member

“I don’t know why you married her in the first place. I never liked her.” a parent

“Oh my GOD! You’ll NEVER make it on your own with those kids. You never should have had them.” a friend

What’s most painful about this horrible shit that people say is who’s saying it. It’s…

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