Healing After Divorce

7 Reasons People Get Stuck While Dealing With Divorce

Woman languishing on the couch because she got stuck while dealing with divorce.

Once you know these reasons, you won’t stay stuck for long while dealing with your divorce.

Nobody wants to admit that they get stuck along the way in dealing with their divorce it would be like admitting to yet another shortcoming.

“My marriage failed and I can’t get over it!” Making a statement like that for many people would be tantamount to taking out an ad on Facebook saying “I’m a loser.”

But the truth is that everyone gets stuck somewhere along the way dealing with divorce.

Getting stuck at least once is normal because learning how to get over divorce isn’t a required course before getting married. Besides that, it doesn’t matter how many books you’ve read, how many times you’ve talked it over with your divorced friends, or even how many celebrity divorces you’ve followed, you’re going to get stuck. (Yes, this is true even if you’ve been divorced before because every divorce is unique.) You don’t know what it will take for you to get over your divorce until you’re done dealing with it.

However, in all my years working with people dealing with divorce and going through my own divorce I’ve found the most common reasons people get stuck.…

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How To Be Happy As You’re Healing After Divorce

Man who knows how to be happy as he is healing after divorce.

By using these three keys one after the other, you’ll find happiness again.

The pain of divorce is unrelenting. And understandably so because your world has crumbled to dust.

The one person who promised they’d love you forever is gone and replaced by a stranger who only looks like your ex. The home you shared together is either horribly empty or gone. And seeing your children wake up every morning and putting them to bed every night is also gone.

Every single one of the losses – both big and small – pulls at your soul so hard that it’s difficult to think, breathe or, at times, simply exist.

Yet as painful as healing after divorce is, happiness is still available to you. You probably won’t feel joyous – at least not at first, but you can experience happiness even in the midst of the agony.

All it takes is making small changes in a particular order and soon you’ll stop the pain for brief moments. And the more you put these changes into practice, the more happiness you’ll feel.

There are three keys to how to be happy as you’re healing after divorce.

The first key is all about laying the groundwork for greater…

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Divorced? How To Stop Feeling Like A Failure

Feeling like a failure, a woman hides her face in her hands.

You really haven’t lost your identity along with everything else even though it feels like it now.

The losses you suffer when you divorce can seem never ending. Each realization of loss sends you deeper and deeper into grief. At times it can feel as if you’re drowning in the sadness (or maybe it’s just your tears).

Yet permeating through all of the losses is one that you just can’t shake. That’s the loss of you – or at least your identity as a spouse.

Unfortunately, your old identity is readily replaced with a new one, a painful one, an awful one. You now believe that you’re a failure. Feeling like a failure after divorce is fairly normal because it has its roots in lessons you learned from a very young age.

When you first started school you were taught to view tasks, tests and homework as things you either passed or failed. To pass, you just had to do things well enough compared to the rest of your class. To fail, you either had to ignore the assignment or display a complete lack of effort and/or understanding.

When you overlay this training on a failed marriage, it’s way too easy to reach the conclusion that…

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Letting Go Is The First Step Of Divorce Recovery

This exercise will jump start your divorce recovery.

One of the most difficult parts of getting over your divorce is letting go.

Letting go of the past, letting go of the hurt and confusion, along with letting go of the dreams and plans you had for the future together seem to require Herculean efforts. And yet you know it’s necessary to let it all go if you’re ever going to move on from your divorce.

Even though your marriage ended, I’ll bet that not all of your memories of being together are bad. You’ve got plenty of good ones that are worth holding on to, but not if remembering them causes you to question again and again and again why your ex decided to end your marriage. All that does is keeps you stuck.

And this is where the hurt and confusion comes from. How could your ex decide that divorce was the answer? How could they throw away everything you had together? Learning to find your own answers to these questions is another part of what you need for divorce recovery.

And if the pain of the past and present weren’t enough, there’s the pain of all the future dreams and plans that just won’t…

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Conquering Depression Post-Divorce

Like all good plans, this one is extremely simple and effective.

Divorce really takes it out of you. It’s an f-ing life changing event that’s thrown unexpectedly your way by the one person who promised to love you for the rest of your life. But…Surprise! (in a really horrible way) They don’t love you anymore.

You’ve spent years of your life investing in them and a marriage that didn’t work out. You can’t help looking at those years as wasted. And it’s this perspective, this view of your life that allows the situational depression of divorce to take root deeply and invade not only your life, but your soul.

I know you know you need to get this weed out of your life and yet the depression itself makes it difficult to do much about it.

But don’t worry. You can conquer the depression. You will feel happy again. And you can do it very simply. (Simply, yes. Easily, not necessarily.)

  1. Breathe – Yes, I know you’re already breathing but hear me out for a minute.

    Our breathing changes when we’re feeling depressed. We breathe more shallowly and hold our breath.

    To compensate for the lack of oxygen, we sigh or yawn frequently which both trigger…

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