Healing After Divorce

Dealing With Divorce And The Fears That Are Keeping You Stuck

Details: May 12, 2016

Woman trapped in her fears while dealing with divorce.

Dealing with divorce effectively requires you to conquer your fears.

There are few things more frightening getting divorced and realizing that you’re all alone.

You’re alone with your daily activities. You’re alone with your kids (when you have them). And you’re alone with your thoughts.

And all of this aloneness breeds fear which makes dealing with divorce even more difficult.

Fear of not being enough to get through your daily activities because there were two of you getting everything done before. Fear of not being able to fully meet your kids needs when they’re with you and terror of not being able to meet their needs when they’re with your ex. But probably the most terrorizing part of divorce is being alone with your thoughts.

Your thoughts are so tough because they are what-if’s – the negative what-if’s. What if this happens? What if that happens? What if it all happens? How will you deal with any or all of it?

These what-if’s you create in your mind are so powerful that you’re thrown into a fight, flight or freeze response.

And, honestly, what I see the most of is the freeze response (a.k.a. overwhelm and/or over-analysis) because most of us are too frightened to…

How Your MBTI Type Impacts Healing After Divorce

Details: March 28, 2016

Woman lounging on a bench at the beach contemplating healing after divorce.

Use your MBTI type to get over your divorce more quickly.

No matter how you look at it, divorce sucks. All divorcing couples battle with the drama and trauma of ending their marriage – even if they do it very differently as individuals. Despite the same basic struggle, we each suffer through healing after divorce differently because as individuals our experience and understanding of the world is different.

Social scientists, philosophers, therapists, astrologers and researchers have striven over the centuries to categorize people in an effort to provide tools for understanding both others and ourselves. Each of the tools developed has its pros and cons along with its adherents and detractors. In other words, none of the tools has been globally accepted as 100% accurate.

Despite the imperfections, one of the tools that’s been in common use for more than 50 years is the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). The MBTI is a self-assessment tool that categorizes people into one of 16 different personality types. Each of the personality types has specific strengths and weaknesses.

What does the MBTI have to do with healing after divorce? Well, LOTS! Maybe.

By knowing the specific strengths and weaknesses of your personality type you can prepare for and mitigate what will…

Surviving Divorce: Face Your Fears And Wipe Away Your Tears

Details: February 25, 2016

Woman crying while she's surviving divorce.

Surviving divorce requires grief, courage and action.

Healing after the end of your marriage is hard. It’s not for the weak by any stretch of the imagination. And yet the pain of it all makes even the strongest wonder if surviving divorce is something they’ll be able to do or not.

The true hurt of divorce is unfathomable to anyone who’s never experienced it themselves. But for those of us who have or are currently in the midst of it we know the depths of despair, the isolating loneliness, the vengeful rage, the unbelievable betrayal, the soul-crushing insecurity, the bone-weariness of insomnia, the paralyzing fear and all the other unfamiliar (and unwanted) experiences, thoughts and emotions of divorce.

Frankly, we all reach that point where we wonder if surviving divorce is even possible.

I want you to know that it is absolutely possible (no matter how you’re feeling right now) to not only make it through your divorce, but to go on to live a fulfilling, wonderful life that might even include finding love again. The secret is to move through your divorce pain and avoid getting stuck in the seemingly overwhelming experiences of divorce.

Here are 3 pitfalls that people tend to collapse into when…

The Most Important Skill You Need For Healing After Divorce

Details: February 29, 2016

Man looking out to sea thinking about his healing after divorce.

And it's fun to learn too!

Healing after divorce is really challenging because the end of your marriage itself is so traumatic. Your life gets ripped apart all at once and again and again as you struggle to find a new equilibrium, a new way of living – on your own.

It’s kinda like divorce is this huge, catastrophic earthquake. And then it’s followed by all these aftershocks of varying intensities (e.g., a nasty gram from your ex, selling your home, paying child support instead of living with your children every day) until you are able to complete your healing and move on from the end of your marriage.

You might believe that your divorce recovery is subject to the whims of others like your ex, your attorney, the judge, or even your kids. And you’d be right, but only partially and only slightly.

The biggest determining factor in your healing after divorce is your peaceful core.

A peaceful core is that place you can go to on the inside where you feel calm and powerful. Nothing can shake you when you’re at this place of peace. You can often discover new ideas to help you on your healing journey when you regularly spend…

An Open Letter To My Body: You Are Perfect As You Are

Details: February 23, 2016

You didn't deserve those cruel things I did to you.

Dear body,

I owe you an apology, and I’ve owed you one for years.

It wasn’t your fault — no matter how much I thought that it was. It was mine. And I’m finally able to take responsibility for that now. So, yes, I’m sorry. Deeply sorry and I regret the words, thoughts and actions I’ve taken against you.

You’ve always been perfect — no matter how much I denied that perfection because I was busy comparing myself to others, or because I listened to slanderous remarks others made about you.

You’ve supported me and given me the physical strength I needed to become the confident woman I am today. For that I’m deeply grateful — and deeply ashamed that I’ve treated you so poorly.

When I was born, everyone celebrated you as perfect and ideal because I had all my fingers, toes and limbs and no obvious imperfections.

And yet as you grew and changed dramatically over the following childhood years, something shifted. Instead of being celebrated for your beauty, you were harshly scrutinized and found lacking.

Even dearly loved family members said you’d "never be pretty."

They said that your butt was "too big," that your walk was "unbecoming to…