- Details
- August 1, 2016
You really haven’t lost your identity along with everything else even though it feels like it now.
The losses you suffer when you divorce can seem never ending. Each realization of loss sends you deeper and deeper into grief. At times it can feel as if you’re drowning in the sadness (or maybe it’s just your tears).
Yet permeating through all of the losses is one that you just can’t shake. That’s the loss of you – or at least your identity as a spouse.
Unfortunately, your old identity is readily replaced with a new one, a painful one, an awful one. You now believe that you’re a failure. Feeling like a failure after divorce is fairly normal because it has its roots in lessons you learned from a very young age.
When you first started school you were taught to view tasks, tests and homework as things you either passed or failed. To pass, you just had to do things well enough compared to the rest of your class. To fail, you either had to ignore the assignment or display a complete lack of effort and/or understanding.
When you overlay this training on a failed marriage, it’s way too easy to reach the conclusion that…
Read more: Divorced? How To Stop Feeling Like A Failure
- Details
- July 14, 2016
No, you don’t have to like what they did, but you do have to like love you.
Forgiveness. It’s a powerful word because it evokes a myriad of thoughts and emotions.
Anger about the unfairness of it all.
Revenge because they deserve to feel as much pain as you do.
Justice because they need to learn that they can’t treat people the way they’ve treated you.
Fear because you’re unsure what happens after you forgive them.
Bitterness because if you forgive them, they’ll get away with it.
Calm because you know forgiveness is the next step for you.
Peace because you’ve forgiven in the past and peace has been the result.
Duty because forgiveness is what your religion or spiritual practice teaches.
Confusion because you’re not exactly sure what forgiveness means.
Injustice because you don’t feel like you should have to give your ex anything more.
Vulnerability because you’re afraid that by forgiving them you’ll give them carte blanche to continue hurting you since you’re not doing anything about it.
Depression because you believe you must have deserved to be treated badly in the first place and forgiveness would only validate their behavior.
Victimhood because forgiveness means you’d admit to being a victim of what they’ve…
Read more: 5 Powerful Reasons You MUST Forgive Your Ex
