Healing After Divorce

5 Powerful Reasons You MUST Forgive Your Ex

No, you don’t have to like what they did, but you do have to like love you.

Forgiveness. It’s a powerful word because it evokes a myriad of thoughts and emotions.

Anger about the unfairness of it all.

Revenge because they deserve to feel as much pain as you do.

Justice because they need to learn that they can’t treat people the way they’ve treated you.

Fear because you’re unsure what happens after you forgive them.

Bitterness because if you forgive them, they’ll get away with it.

Calm because you know forgiveness is the next step for you.

Peace because you’ve forgiven in the past and peace has been the result.

Duty because forgiveness is what your religion or spiritual practice teaches.

Confusion because you’re not exactly sure what forgiveness means.

Injustice because you don’t feel like you should have to give your ex anything more.

Vulnerability because you’re afraid that by forgiving them you’ll give them carte blanche to continue hurting you since you’re not doing anything about it.

Depression because you believe you must have deserved to be treated badly in the first place and forgiveness would only validate their behavior.

Victimhood because forgiveness means you’d admit to being a victim of what they’ve…

Read more: 5 Powerful Reasons You MUST Forgive Your Ex

Dealing With Divorce And The Fears That Are Keeping You Stuck

Woman trapped in her fears while dealing with divorce.

Dealing with divorce effectively requires you to conquer your fears.

There are few things more frightening getting divorced and realizing that you’re all alone.

You’re alone with your daily activities. You’re alone with your kids (when you have them). And you’re alone with your thoughts.

And all of this aloneness breeds fear which makes dealing with divorce even more difficult.

Fear of not being enough to get through your daily activities because there were two of you getting everything done before. Fear of not being able to fully meet your kids needs when they’re with you and terror of not being able to meet their needs when they’re with your ex. But probably the most terrorizing part of divorce is being alone with your thoughts.

Your thoughts are so tough because they are what-if’s – the negative what-if’s. What if this happens? What if that happens? What if it all happens? How will you deal with any or all of it?

These what-if’s you create in your mind are so powerful that you’re thrown into a fight, flight or freeze response.

And, honestly, what I see the most of is the freeze response (a.k.a. overwhelm and/or over-analysis) because most of us are too frightened to…

Read more: Dealing With Divorce And The Fears That Are Keeping You Stuck

The Most Important Skill You Need For Healing After Divorce

Man looking out to sea thinking about his healing after divorce.

And it's fun to learn too!

Healing after divorce is really challenging because the end of your marriage itself is so traumatic. Your life gets ripped apart all at once and again and again as you struggle to find a new equilibrium, a new way of living – on your own.

It’s kinda like divorce is this huge, catastrophic earthquake. And then it’s followed by all these aftershocks of varying intensities (e.g., a nasty gram from your ex, selling your home, paying child support instead of living with your children every day) until you are able to complete your healing and move on from the end of your marriage.

You might believe that your divorce recovery is subject to the whims of others like your ex, your attorney, the judge, or even your kids. And you’d be right, but only partially and only slightly.

The biggest determining factor in your healing after divorce is your peaceful core.

A peaceful core is that place you can go to on the inside where you feel calm and powerful. Nothing can shake you when you’re at this place of peace. You can often discover new ideas to help you on your healing journey when you regularly spend…

Read more: The Most Important Skill You Need For Healing After Divorce

How Your MBTI Type Impacts Healing After Divorce

Woman lounging on a bench at the beach contemplating healing after divorce.

Use your MBTI type to get over your divorce more quickly.

No matter how you look at it, divorce sucks. All divorcing couples battle with the drama and trauma of ending their marriage – even if they do it very differently as individuals. Despite the same basic struggle, we each suffer through healing after divorce differently because as individuals our experience and understanding of the world is different.

Social scientists, philosophers, therapists, astrologers and researchers have striven over the centuries to categorize people in an effort to provide tools for understanding both others and ourselves. Each of the tools developed has its pros and cons along with its adherents and detractors. In other words, none of the tools has been globally accepted as 100% accurate.

Despite the imperfections, one of the tools that’s been in common use for more than 50 years is the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). The MBTI is a self-assessment tool that categorizes people into one of 16 different personality types. Each of the personality types has specific strengths and weaknesses.

What does the MBTI have to do with healing after divorce? Well, LOTS! Maybe.

By knowing the specific strengths and weaknesses of your personality type you can prepare for and mitigate what will…

Read more: How Your MBTI Type Impacts Healing After Divorce

Surviving Divorce: Face Your Fears And Wipe Away Your Tears

Woman crying while she's surviving divorce.

Surviving divorce requires grief, courage and action.

Healing after the end of your marriage is hard. It’s not for the weak by any stretch of the imagination. And yet the pain of it all makes even the strongest wonder if surviving divorce is something they’ll be able to do or not.

The true hurt of divorce is unfathomable to anyone who’s never experienced it themselves. But for those of us who have or are currently in the midst of it we know the depths of despair, the isolating loneliness, the vengeful rage, the unbelievable betrayal, the soul-crushing insecurity, the bone-weariness of insomnia, the paralyzing fear and all the other unfamiliar (and unwanted) experiences, thoughts and emotions of divorce.

Frankly, we all reach that point where we wonder if surviving divorce is even possible.

I want you to know that it is absolutely possible (no matter how you’re feeling right now) to not only make it through your divorce, but to go on to live a fulfilling, wonderful life that might even include finding love again. The secret is to move through your divorce pain and avoid getting stuck in the seemingly overwhelming experiences of divorce.

Here are 3 pitfalls that people tend to collapse into when…

Read more: Surviving Divorce: Face Your Fears And Wipe Away Your Tears

Articles Search