Healing After Divorce

Dealing With Divorce Loneliness? Hug Yourself Happy

Divorce loneliness can be overwhelming - but it doesn't have to be crippling.

Your divorce will probably be one of the most intense emotional experiences you'll ever face. It sure was for me. I had a full spectrum of extraordinarily strong emotions hit one after another in an often confusing and frightening way. Sound familiar?

The world of divorce can feel like a tornado has come through your life and wiped away all that was familiar and safe. I thought of it as being tied up, blind-folded, and stuffed into the front seat of a runaway roller coaster. I never knew when I was going to be slammed to the left or right by a sharp turn, and I dreaded any slow upward movement, because I knew that at some point, I would drop down into depths I couldn't imagine, be thrown into a loop-de-loop, or even get caught up in a corkscrew.

I'll be honest with you: There were times back then when I thought I might be going insane.

What I've found out since my divorcein 2002 is that the emotions of divorce are intense and change rapidly for most people. These emotions often include everything from denial, fear, hope, anger, loss, guilt,…

Read more: Dealing With Divorce Loneliness? Hug Yourself Happy

Thank You, Pope Francis

Pope Francis' statement is too late for me, but I'm OK with that now.

In August 2002, my divorce was final. When the judge signed the decree my immediate reaction was happiness. I thought I was free! I thought I would be happy (finally) because of a little ink on a piece of paper. Oh, the silly things I used to believe...

It didn't take long before I started to feel suffocated by guilt. I was sure that God was going to punish me (by death) for getting divorced AND that I deserved it.

A bit irrational? Maybe. But, seriously, how many people make it through divorce without at least one irrational thought?

For this particular thought though, I had help in coming up with it. You see I was raised pseudo-Catholic.

My parents were both raised Catholic and went to parochial schools. However, outside of the baptisms for my younger siblings and attending funerals, I don't remember us attending church as a family. Despite this, Catholic-ish teachings certainly made it into my psyche and one of those teachings was that if you got divorced, you committed a serious sin. So serious a sin that as a result you weren't allowed to be a part…

Read more: Thank You, Pope Francis

Why Your Breakup Hurts SO Much (And How To Start Healing)

Knowing WHY you’re hurting can be your first step to getting over it.

Heartbroken. Sometimes that's the only way to describe the tidal waves of grief that come with a breakup.

Ending a relationship with someone or, worse, having someone break up with you causes incredibly painful feelings because of all the losses. You grieve the lost connection with that person. After all, you loved them so much. But let's get real about that. Are you sad because you're not with the person you had a relationship with? OR are you really upset because you're not with the person who you thought your partner was?

If you're like most of us, you're upset to have lost who you thought your partner was. Because, let's face it, if they really were the ideal person for you, you'd still have a relationship.

Being heartbroken also means grieving lost couplehood. It feels good being connected to someone else — to not have to face the world on your own. Yet, breaking up with someone means you're suddenly alone. It's no longer two against the world. It's just you, feeling naked, isolated and afraid.

There's another reason for your fear of being alone. Being alone means that before too long you'll have to…

Read more: Why Your Breakup Hurts SO Much (And How To Start Healing)

The Only Real Shortcut To Healing From Divorce

woman taking the shortcut to healing from divorce

All it takes is a bit of courage and determination.

There's very little that's easy about getting divorced. And just about all divorcees are on the lookout for shortcuts so they can move on with their life as quickly as possible and hopefully avoid some of the pain.

The problem is that when it comes to truly healing from your divorce you need to experience the pain so you can free yourself from it.

Yes, you read that correctly. You need to feel the pain so you can be free from it.

But feeling it doesn't mean wallowing or drowning in it. It also doesn't mean beating yourself up with thoughts of what you coulda, shoulda, or woulda done differently. It just means acknowledging the emotion and releasing it.

So how do you acknowledge an emotion and release it? Well, it kinda depends on the emotion.

If you're feeling sad, you might acknowledge and release the sadness by crying or by getting busy and doing something productive. I find that when I'm sad crying helps until I can shift my thoughts toward being appreciative about what I'm sad about. Kinda the whole "every adversity ... carries within it the seed of an equivalent or greater…

Read more: The Only Real Shortcut To Healing From Divorce

Divorce Can LITERALLY Break Your Heart, Says Science

Protect yourself from increased cardiovascular risk with these stress-busting tips.

Everybody knows that divorce is stressful, but what nobody knew until now is that divorce actually increases a woman's risk of heart attack. A new report in the March 2015 issue of Circulation: Cardiovascular Quality and Outcomes says that (after correcting for other risk factors) women divorced once have a 24 percent increased risk of heart attack. For women divorced two or more times, this jumps to a startling 77 percent increased risk.

Besides heart attack, divorce can also increase a woman's risk of Broken Heart Syndrome, which, in some cases, mimics a heart attack. According to Mayo Clinic, Broken Heart Syndrome results from "the heart's reaction to a surge of stress hormones."

Given these two bits of data from heart specialists, I believe the best way to prevent yourself from becoming another statistic is to effectively deal with your divorce stress. How do you do that?

Try my top five tips for de-stressing during your divorce:

1. Develop Soothing Routines

Nearly everything about your life changes when you get divorced—including the time you used to spend doing activities that calmed you. It's time to start doing them again. And if that's not possible, develop new soothing…

Read more: Divorce Can LITERALLY Break Your Heart, Says Science

Articles Search