Healing After Divorce

Healing From Divorce: Overcoming Your Loneliness

woman feeling lonely while healing from divorce

No matter how horrible you feel, there is a simple way out of the loneliness of divorce.

One of the toughest parts of healing from divorce is the loneliness which can feel like it's sucking your soul right out of you. You wind up feeling as if you're just a shriveled husk of who you were.

When you're in the throes of loneliness, your mind wanders down a treacherous path. You begin by wondering if you're destined to be alone for the rest of your life. Then you realize that of course you will because of the long list of your "flaws" that you remind yourself of over and over again. It doesn't matter right now that those imperfections are just part of what makes you wonderfully you. You get stuck on a downward spiral of misery which leaves you feeling horribly trapped.

Yet being stuck isn't doing you any good when your real goal is to heal from your divorce.

What I want you to know is that no matter how lonely you feel right now, you're not really alone. I promise. Everyone who gets divorced experiences gut-wrenching loneliness. (Some people even experience it during their marriage before they divorce.) The difference is that not…

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Hurt Because Your Spouse Is Dating During Divorce?

Woman crying when she catches her ex dating during divorce.

Sometimes all it takes is a small shift in perspective to help you hurt a little less.

When your marriage ends and you start working toward getting divorced, it's not like there's some switch you can flip to stop feeling married or even to unlove your spouse. It's more of a process. And all processes take time to complete. That's why it is so infuriating, humiliating and painful if your spouse starts dating before you're legally divorced, much less before you feel unmarried.

You do have another option. You can learn to put some distance between what they're doing and you. It all starts with changing your thoughts (which, believe it or not, will give you the space you need to allow your feelings to change).

To give you an assist with changing your thoughts, here are some facts for you to consider:

  1. It's all about them - Yup, their behavior is all about them. It's a reflection of how they see the world, who they want to be and what they want to experience.

    As painful as it is to make the shift from thinking about you and your spouse as a couple to being individuals, it's part of moving on from the end of your…

Read more: Hurt Because Your Spouse Is Dating During Divorce?

Thank You, Pope Francis

Pope Francis' statement is too late for me, but I'm OK with that now.

In August 2002, my divorce was final. When the judge signed the decree my immediate reaction was happiness. I thought I was free! I thought I would be happy (finally) because of a little ink on a piece of paper. Oh, the silly things I used to believe...

It didn't take long before I started to feel suffocated by guilt. I was sure that God was going to punish me (by death) for getting divorced AND that I deserved it.

A bit irrational? Maybe. But, seriously, how many people make it through divorce without at least one irrational thought?

For this particular thought though, I had help in coming up with it. You see I was raised pseudo-Catholic.

My parents were both raised Catholic and went to parochial schools. However, outside of the baptisms for my younger siblings and attending funerals, I don't remember us attending church as a family. Despite this, Catholic-ish teachings certainly made it into my psyche and one of those teachings was that if you got divorced, you committed a serious sin. So serious a sin that as a result you weren't allowed to be a part…

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Dealing With Divorce Loneliness? Hug Yourself Happy

Divorce loneliness can be overwhelming - but it doesn't have to be crippling.

Your divorce will probably be one of the most intense emotional experiences you'll ever face. It sure was for me. I had a full spectrum of extraordinarily strong emotions hit one after another in an often confusing and frightening way. Sound familiar?

The world of divorce can feel like a tornado has come through your life and wiped away all that was familiar and safe. I thought of it as being tied up, blind-folded, and stuffed into the front seat of a runaway roller coaster. I never knew when I was going to be slammed to the left or right by a sharp turn, and I dreaded any slow upward movement, because I knew that at some point, I would drop down into depths I couldn't imagine, be thrown into a loop-de-loop, or even get caught up in a corkscrew.

I'll be honest with you: There were times back then when I thought I might be going insane.

What I've found out since my divorcein 2002 is that the emotions of divorce are intense and change rapidly for most people. These emotions often include everything from denial, fear, hope, anger, loss, guilt,…

Read more: Dealing With Divorce Loneliness? Hug Yourself Happy

The Only Real Shortcut To Healing From Divorce

woman taking the shortcut to healing from divorce

All it takes is a bit of courage and determination.

There's very little that's easy about getting divorced. And just about all divorcees are on the lookout for shortcuts so they can move on with their life as quickly as possible and hopefully avoid some of the pain.

The problem is that when it comes to truly healing from your divorce you need to experience the pain so you can free yourself from it.

Yes, you read that correctly. You need to feel the pain so you can be free from it.

But feeling it doesn't mean wallowing or drowning in it. It also doesn't mean beating yourself up with thoughts of what you coulda, shoulda, or woulda done differently. It just means acknowledging the emotion and releasing it.

So how do you acknowledge an emotion and release it? Well, it kinda depends on the emotion.

If you're feeling sad, you might acknowledge and release the sadness by crying or by getting busy and doing something productive. I find that when I'm sad crying helps until I can shift my thoughts toward being appreciative about what I'm sad about. Kinda the whole "every adversity ... carries within it the seed of an equivalent or greater…

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