Healing After Divorce

Thank You, Pope Francis

Details: August 14, 2015

Pope Francis' statement is too late for me, but I'm OK with that now.

In August 2002, my divorce was final. When the judge signed the decree my immediate reaction was happiness. I thought I was free! I thought I would be happy (finally) because of a little ink on a piece of paper. Oh, the silly things I used to believe...

It didn't take long before I started to feel suffocated by guilt. I was sure that God was going to punish me (by death) for getting divorced AND that I deserved it.

A bit irrational? Maybe. But, seriously, how many people make it through divorce without at least one irrational thought?

For this particular thought though, I had help in coming up with it. You see I was raised pseudo-Catholic.

My parents were both raised Catholic and went to parochial schools. However, outside of the baptisms for my younger siblings and attending funerals, I don't remember us attending church as a family. Despite this, Catholic-ish teachings certainly made it into my psyche and one of those teachings was that if you got divorced, you committed a serious sin. So serious a sin that as a result you weren't allowed to be a part…

The Only Real Shortcut To Healing From Divorce

Details: August 14, 2015

woman taking the shortcut to healing from divorce

All it takes is a bit of courage and determination.

There's very little that's easy about getting divorced. And just about all divorcees are on the lookout for shortcuts so they can move on with their life as quickly as possible and hopefully avoid some of the pain.

The problem is that when it comes to truly healing from your divorce you need to experience the pain so you can free yourself from it.

Yes, you read that correctly. You need to feel the pain so you can be free from it.

But feeling it doesn't mean wallowing or drowning in it. It also doesn't mean beating yourself up with thoughts of what you coulda, shoulda, or woulda done differently. It just means acknowledging the emotion and releasing it.

So how do you acknowledge an emotion and release it? Well, it kinda depends on the emotion.

If you're feeling sad, you might acknowledge and release the sadness by crying or by getting busy and doing something productive. I find that when I'm sad crying helps until I can shift my thoughts toward being appreciative about what I'm sad about. Kinda the whole "every adversity ... carries within it the seed of an equivalent or greater…

Divorce Can LITERALLY Break Your Heart, Says Science

Details: May 8, 2015

Protect yourself from increased cardiovascular risk with these stress-busting tips.

Everybody knows that divorce is stressful, but what nobody knew until now is that divorce actually increases a woman's risk of heart attack. A new report in the March 2015 issue of Circulation: Cardiovascular Quality and Outcomes says that (after correcting for other risk factors) women divorced once have a 24 percent increased risk of heart attack. For women divorced two or more times, this jumps to a startling 77 percent increased risk.

Besides heart attack, divorce can also increase a woman's risk of Broken Heart Syndrome, which, in some cases, mimics a heart attack. According to Mayo Clinic, Broken Heart Syndrome results from "the heart's reaction to a surge of stress hormones."

Given these two bits of data from heart specialists, I believe the best way to prevent yourself from becoming another statistic is to effectively deal with your divorce stress. How do you do that?

Try my top five tips for de-stressing during your divorce:

1. Develop Soothing Routines

Nearly everything about your life changes when you get divorced—including the time you used to spend doing activities that calmed you. It's time to start doing them again. And if that's not possible, develop new soothing…

Why Your Breakup Hurts SO Much (And How To Start Healing)

Details: May 19, 2015

Knowing WHY you’re hurting can be your first step to getting over it.

Heartbroken. Sometimes that's the only way to describe the tidal waves of grief that come with a breakup.

Ending a relationship with someone or, worse, having someone break up with you causes incredibly painful feelings because of all the losses. You grieve the lost connection with that person. After all, you loved them so much. But let's get real about that. Are you sad because you're not with the person you had a relationship with? OR are you really upset because you're not with the person who you thought your partner was?

If you're like most of us, you're upset to have lost who you thought your partner was. Because, let's face it, if they really were the ideal person for you, you'd still have a relationship.

Being heartbroken also means grieving lost couplehood. It feels good being connected to someone else — to not have to face the world on your own. Yet, breaking up with someone means you're suddenly alone. It's no longer two against the world. It's just you, feeling naked, isolated and afraid.

There's another reason for your fear of being alone. Being alone means that before too long you'll have to…

Why “You Need to Make A Budget” Is Bad Divorce Advice

Details: April 24, 2015

money management is at the root of this bad divorce advice

Taking care of yourself has to do with more than how much you spend.

One piece of advice almost everyone going through divorce hears is “You’ve got to create a budget”. Although this is extremely practical advice, I think it sucks.

You’ve just ended your marriage. You might have just moved. You might not have your kids all the time. You might be looking for a job. And, oh yeah, you feel like CRAP! Yet now you’re supposed to figure out how to put more restrictions on yourself and create a budget?! Yeah, it just sucks as far as advice goes.

What you really need is a spending plan. A spending plan is all about you taking responsibility for how you choose to spend or not to spend your money.

OK, so you might think this is just a case of puh-tay-toh po-tah-toh, the word budget has a negative connotation for most people. And who needs more negativity as they’re putting their lives back on track after a divorce? No one I can think of.

Divorce is tough. You deserve to take care of yourself in every way possible. And, yes, this does include the words you use.

Words are incredibly powerful and can completely…

Thank You, Pope Francis

The Only Real Shortcut To Healing From Divorce

Divorce Can LITERALLY Break Your Heart, Says Science

Why Your Breakup Hurts SO Much (And How To Start Healing)

Why “You Need to Make A Budget” Is Bad Divorce Advice

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