Healing After Divorce

Why “You Need to Make A Budget” Is Bad Divorce Advice

money management is at the root of this bad divorce advice

Taking care of yourself has to do with more than how much you spend.

One piece of advice almost everyone going through divorce hears is “You’ve got to create a budget”. Although this is extremely practical advice, I think it sucks.

You’ve just ended your marriage. You might have just moved. You might not have your kids all the time. You might be looking for a job. And, oh yeah, you feel like CRAP! Yet now you’re supposed to figure out how to put more restrictions on yourself and create a budget?! Yeah, it just sucks as far as advice goes.

What you really need is a spending plan. A spending plan is all about you taking responsibility for how you choose to spend or not to spend your money.

OK, so you might think this is just a case of puh-tay-toh po-tah-toh, the word budget has a negative connotation for most people. And who needs more negativity as they’re putting their lives back on track after a divorce? No one I can think of.

Divorce is tough. You deserve to take care of yourself in every way possible. And, yes, this does include the words you use.

Words are incredibly powerful and can completely…

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There’s No Finish Line For Divorce Recovery

The path to move on from divorce and divorce recovery isn’t straight and narrow.

I recently got a new computer. And if you've ever had to transfer files from one computer to another, you know that it can be kind of fun to take a peek at what has been hogging up space on your hard drive.

Well, on my expedition through all of my files, I found emails in my inbox that were more than ten years old! Some of these ancient notes even had details about the negotiations my ex and I went through to settle our divorce in 2002. Not really anything I need to have hanging around any more, right?

Believe it or not, I paused before hitting delete and trashing all of that ancient correspondence. I was flooded with a variety of thoughts and questions. "Those emails were part of my personal history," I thought to myself. They were part of what defined me — back then. "Would I be throwing away a piece of myself if I deleted those emails? Would I be disrespectful of that old relationship?"

Yes, ten whole years after my divorce was complete, seeing those emails brought up some of the turmoil that I went through when…

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Divorce Made You Angry? How To Move On

Three steps for leaving your divorce anger behind you.

When my ex-husband and I decided to divorce in 2002, we came to the decision rationally just like we'd come to most decisions in our marriage. Being two rational human beings who had never fought, we thought it would be in our best interest to save money and effort by continuing to live together until we were able to sell our home.

Sounds reasonable, right? Well, it wasn't reasonable at all.

Neither of us had been through divorce before, and we had no idea of the changes we would be going through or the intense anger we would feel toward each other. I remember one instance when we were talking about something that made my husband angry. So angry that he punched the wall in front of my face. I had never seen him do anything of the sort before and it made me angry in return. Instead of punching the wall, though, I took it out on myself. I remained outwardly calm, but internally I blamed myself for the divorce and generally made myself miserable.

Now I realize that the intense anger we were experiencing during divorce was actually the accumulation of all the little…

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5 Steps To Get Over Your Divorce

Get over divorce by taking these 5 steps.

Getting over your divorce can be much simpler than you’ve heard.

Divorce is a life-changing event, but it doesn’t have to stop you from living. Here are 5 straight-forward steps to help you quickly heal from your divorce.

1. Don’t let your divorce disable you.

Healing from divorce is a grieving process. Everyone’s grieving process is unique. Because of this uniqueness, people sometimes think that they are grieving when they are actually wallowing.

There’s a big difference between grieving and wallowing. The difference mostly has to do with what’s going on in your head.

If you want to get through your grief with minimal wallowing, you’ll want to think of your divorce as either a message to redirect your life or a growth challenge. Both of these ideas have the potential to give you hope and to keep you engaged in the future. That’s the key to prevent yourself from getting stuck; focus on the future and making your future better even if you don’t know exactly how to do that right now.

2. You are not a failure.

It’s so easy to fall into the trap of believing that because your marriage ended in divorce that you’re a failure. (I fell deeply into this trap…

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Fixing What Causes the Most Divorce Pain

Divorce pain can't be fixed without using some specific tools.

I have a habit of jumping in and coming up with options to resolve problems. This habit really works well for me in my work. It allows me to see solutions others don’t necessarily see and to figure out how to quickly make the solution into a workable plan.

Like any habit, I take this one with me everywhere I go.

It came with me to the hardware store last week. I had my list with me and as I walked down the cleaning aisle I saw a grandma and her high-energy 4 year-old grandson. The little boy was BUSY as only little boys can be. He was trying to get into all kinds of things and coming up with fun uses for the fly swatter he found. It was obvious that Grandma was tired and just didn’t have the energy to keep up with her grandson while she was trying to get the things she needed. Well, my habit kicked in and I asked both of them if they saw Rain-X, the last item on my list, on the shelf. Grandma started looking. I wrote R A I N – X on a piece of paper and asked the little boy if he could…

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