Healing After Divorce

Pesky Divorce Lies You Must Stop Telling Yourself

You are so much stronger than you think.

"I abdicated responsibility for myself." That’s what I heard every time I looked in the mirror.

"I abdicated responsibility for myself." I heard it again anytime I allowed myself even a brief break from being busy — way too busy.

"I abdicated responsibility for myself. I abdicated responsibility for myself. I abdicated responsibility for myself." It was a horrible, accusing chant that never let up.

It was also true.

When I got divorced, I had to face a lot of things — a lot of things that didn't make me feel so hot about myself. This one, giving up responsibility for myself, was one of the hardest because it was so embarrassing; because I was an incredibly responsible person when it came to everyone and everything else, and because I wasn't exactly sure how to take responsibility for me.

Like most girls my age, I grew up with a set of confusing expectations. My mom stayed at home. Her daily focus was on raising the five of us kids and taking care of our home. My dad was the breadwinner and took care of the yard and cars. Yet my parents were well aware of the social changes going…

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Rediscovering You After Divorce

After divorce gift wrapped in brown paper and tied with a pink ribbon.

Despite stress, confusion and misery. There's a gift in divorce if you look for it.

Have you heard the story of the frog in the pot? In case you haven't, it goes something like this. Imagine you took one of your old pots down to your local pond on a frog hunt. Your goal is to capture a frog along with some of the pond in your pot and bring your prizes back home. After sloshing through the muck for a while, you hear a ribbit off to your right. You slog your way as quietly as you can toward the sound and there it is the source of the ribbit — a huge frog! You slowly sneak up on the warty warbling beast and capture him, his lily pad and a bunch of pond water in your old pot.

Covered with a bit of pond scum, you make your way back home with your prize. When you walk in your front door, you make your way to the kitchen where you put the pot containing the frog, lily pad and pond water on the stove and turn the burner on low. Almost immediately, the frog is contentedly ribbiting away. You head off to change…

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How To Deal With Divorce Depression

Man with stooped shoulders suffering from divorce depression.

You've lost something big. It's OK to grieve. Just don't get stuck there.

A few months ago, I went to a luncheon for the family law section of the Tarrant County Bar Association. The topic of discussion for this particular luncheon was electronic medical records and how they might impact divorces. 

What I found particularly interesting about the presentation was how much the presenter emphasized the difference between clinical depression and what I call situational depression (the kind that is often experienced in divorce). At first, I was a bit surprised that she would spend so much time doing this. But then I remembered that the popular idea of depression is that there's only one kind and that there's only one solution: immediately get a couple of prescriptions.

The biggest difference between situational depression and clinical depression is that loss, like death or divorce, causes situational depression.

Most people going through divorce experience some degree of situational depression as part of the normal grieving process over all the losses the end of the marriage brings. If not dealt with appropriately, situational depression can linger for much longer than it needs to.

I don't want that to happen to you. Because I want you to recover…

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Finding Hope Is The Key To Moving On After Divorce

Move on after divorce to find happiness again.

When I was 13, my Grandpa died. I was devastated. He was my favorite person in the entire world and I was never going to see him again.

I wasn’t alone in my grief, my entire family was devastated – especially my Grandma. Grandma and Grandpa were very happily married and they were each other’s world.

Eventually, we were all able to process our grief and move on with our lives – except for Grandma. For the next 20 years, until her death, my grandma mourned the loss of her husband. When things happened that she didn’t like, she’d say, “Your grandpa wouldn’t have let that happen.” When things happened that she did like, she’d say, “Your grandpa would have liked that.”

It was really hard for me to hear her make comments like these. Every time I heard her make one of these statements I would cringe internally. It seemed to me that she must be missing out on life since she was so focused on the past and what she had lost.

I have very similar feelings today when I hear one of my clients tell me about how much they mourn what they used to have in their marriage. Don’t…

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No More Sleepless Nights!

Woman struggling with insomnia.

Divorce is one of the most stressful life events you can go through. And one of the most common symptoms of being stressed out is an inability to sleep well. Yet, sleep is one of the best ways to minimize the effects of stress by allowing your body and mind to recover. It can seem like you’re in a catch 22. You’re stressed out because of all the changes resulting from your divorce and really wanting a good night’s sleep (or two!), but you’re so stressed out and your mind never slows down long enough to get the sleep you’re craving which makes you more stressed. ARGGH!

I want you to know there is hope for a good night’s sleep. These are my top 5 tips for getting the rest you need to help you more effectively and easily deal with the stress of your divorce.

  1. Make sure your room is a place where (theoretically) you can easily go to sleep.Is your room dark enough? If not, get yourself a sleep mask. Is the temperature of your room conducive to sleep? If not, add a fan or more blankets or put on a pair of socks. Is your room quiet enough or too…

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