Life After Divorce

Woman searching for divorce experts.

For most people, divorce is made up of a bunch of unfamiliar events, requirements, emotions and behaviors. It can be a very confusing time. Because divorce is so confusing, unfamiliar and legal, it’s in your best interest to have exactly the right divorce experts to help you out.

The first expert most people find to guide them through divorce is an attorney or a mediator. The legalities of divorce can have repercussions for years and you deserve to have your interests attended to by an expert. However, an attorney may not be the first divorce expert you need to consult.

Another expert you might choose to assist you is a Certified Divorce Financial AnalystTM (CDFA). Experts with this designation can help you understand the long-term implications of various divisions of the marital assets and liabilities. For example, they can help you decide if it makes financial sense for you to keep the house. You deserve to have your financial interests attended to by an expert, but a financial expert may not be the first divorce expert you need to consult either.

People often also turn to a physician or psychiatrist to help them combat the worst of the emotional turmoil of divorce with medication. If your health or life is at risk because of the emotional turmoil, then these medical experts are the first you should contact. However, for most people they aren’t the first divorce experts needed.

Another expert many people going through divorce choose to work with is a therapist or counselor to help them understand how they got to the point of divorce and to identify the behaviors they might choose to change. You definitely deserve to work with these mental health experts, but they probably aren’t the first divorce experts you need to hire for your team of divorce experts.

The first divorce expert most people need to help them work through their divorce transition as quickly and thoroughly as possible so they can feel happy and confident again is a divorce coach.

A divorce coach’s role is to help you get from where you are in the midst of your divorce to where you want to be which usually involves you being happy and feeling confident again. They’ll provide this help in two ways. First, a divorce coach will be able to provide you with a means of choosing the rest of your team of divorce experts and help you identify when you might consider adding another expert to your team. Second, a divorce coach knows that what makes one person happy and confident will be a bit different for another. An experienced divorce coach will have a program that teaches tips, tools, and techniques that you can use to move yourself out of the pits of divorce. They will also provide you with candid feedback and challenge you to keep moving forward so you climb out of the pit and move on toward feeling happy and confident again. A divorce coach will use their experience, expertise and resources to help you get through your divorce and on with your life more quickly than you could ever do on your own.

Of course, a divorce coach can only be the key player in your divorce expert team if you take the time to choose the best one for you.

So, I’ll bet you’re wondering, “How do I choose the best divorce coach for me?” Here’s a four-step process to help you do just that.

Step 1: Create a short-list of divorce coaches. Start by asking your friends, family and even any divorce experts you might have already engaged with. You can also search the internet and social media for referrals. I suggest you find 3 to 5 coaches to create your short-list.

Step 2: Do some research. There are several things you’ll want to gather information on for each of the coaches on your short-list. By doing this research you should be able to winnow your list down a bit more.

  • You’ll want to check out the coach’s credentials – training and membership in professional coaching associations. There are few places where coaching is regulated. What this means is that anyone can choose to be a coach regardless of whether or not they’ve had appropriate training.
  • Visit the coach’s website and look for personal details about the coach. See how many of these questions you can find the answers to:
    • Has the coach been divorced? This is critical because divorce isn’t something you really get unless you’ve been through it yourself. Watching other people go through it just is nowhere near the same as experiencing it firsthand.
    • How long the coach has been divorced? It’s not unusual for someone to enter a helping profession when they are in the process of healing themselves. You’re going to want to be fairly certain that the coach is through their healing so they will be able to focus on yours.
    • How long after their divorce did the coach decide to become a divorce coach? You can get a rough feel for whether or not the coach has finished their own divorce recovery by finding out how long after their divorce they decided to become a divorce coach.
    • What portion of the coach’s clients are working through a divorce and moving on with their lives? If the coach’s work isn’t primarily divorce related, then they won’t be as focused on what you’ll be going through as you might like them to be or as you deserve.
    • Now look at the coach’s website and uncover details about the services and products they offer. Some of the things you’ll want to look for are:
      • Individual coaching – Most coaches offer individual coaching either in person, by phone or even Skype. They also will usually offer packages of a number of sessions for a reduced price when compared to sessions only on an as needed basis.
      • Group coaching – Fewer coaches offer this option. When they do, it’s usually in person, but there are a few who offer group coaching by phone and on-line. Also be sure to check how long the group remains together.
      • Self-study – This is more difficult to find, but there are a few divorce coaches who offer books, assessments and programs for the person who wants to do the work on their own.
      • Retreats – Retreats are usually offered for a week or less at a resort or spa.
      • Freebies – Most coaches offer freebies to provide people tips for navigating divorce and to allow people to have a better understanding of who the coach is and what it might be like working with them. Look for special reports, newsletters, resource lists and blogs.
      • Costs and payment options – Divorce can be expensive. The cost of the divorce coach’s services and their accepted forms of payment are also important pieces of information for you to know.

Step 3: Interview the remaining divorce coaches. Many coaches offer a complimentary interview or consultation. Take advantage of this! Ask them the answers to the questions you still have. Get a taste of what it would be like to work with them. Be sure and make notes for yourself during each of the interviews so you’ll feel confident in your final decision.

Step 4: Select and hire the divorce coach you’re most comfortable with. Once you hire your divorce coach you can expect to start quickly getting through the remaining hurdles to you being happy and confident again.

Your Assignment To Find Your Divorce Experts:

Have you found your divorce coach yet? I know it might seem funny for me, a divorce coach, to be asking you this, but I really want you to get the support you need. You may really enjoy reading my newsletters and blog posts, but aren’t sure you’d like working with me. That’s fine. Schedule a complimentary consultation with me. Get your questions answered and find out what working with me might be like. I want you to find the best divorce coach for you. Take the time to follow through on the process above and I know you’ll find just the right divorce coach for you.

I’m Dr. Karen Finn, a divorce coach and advisor helping people just like you who are dealing with the stress and pain of divorce. You can join my newsletter list for free weekly advice. If you’re ready to take the first step toward working with me as your personal coach, you can schedule an introductory private coaching session.

If you're looking for more help on dealing with your life now, read more articles about Life After Divorce.

Articles Search