You absolutely can feel better. You just have to start doing a few things differently.
The end of your marriage leaves huge holes in your life, in your identity and in your mind. And it’s these huge, gaping, bottomless voids that make you feel that your life is empty after divorce.
From my vantage point of having lived through the misery of a failed marriage and after that over a decade of helping others recover from divorce, I can tell you without any doubt that your life can be better than it is right now.
And the sooner you believe that your life can be better, the more quickly you’ll stop feeling "my life is empty after divorce".
There are basically two different reasons why people get stuck in the pain of divorce. First, their lives are so different from what they were before that they have a very difficult time accepting their new normal. Second, they are still reeling from the pain of their divorce.
If you’re struggling with the differences in your life now when you compare it to then, the best thing you can do is to work on acceptance.
Acceptance doesn’t mean that you have to approve of the way things are just that they’re the way they are. It just means you know things are the way they are and that you can change them.
The situation you’re in right now is just your starting point for creating the life you want to have – a life that’s full and meaningful and definitely not empty.
These two inspirational quotes may help you find the strength and courage to move forward from feeling your life is empty now that your marriage is over.
Where there’s life, there’s hope. Publius Terentius Afer
If you believe your life is empty because you’re still reeling from the pain of your divorce, that’s OK.
Healing after divorce is difficult and lonely.
You can help yourself heal by getting proactive. Do everything you can think of to help yourself along. Some of what you might consider doing to help yourself heal include:
- Remember that grief is a normal part of divorce for most people and allow yourself to grieve – just don’t regularly throw yourself pity parties.
- What’s going on in the here and now is more important than what happened (or didn’t happen) in the past. So, don’t dwell on the past and focus as much as you can on today.
- You’ve lived through a lot of tough stuff with the end of your marriage and it’s easy to think that everything happened to you. But if that’s what you truly believe, then you’re only a victim. The surest way to heal and move on from feeling as if your life is empty after divorce is by shedding the victim mentality and figuring out how you can become victorious.
- Taking care of yourself and your needs can be difficult when you’re in so much misery and feeling utterly alone because of the end of your marriage, but it’s one of the best things you can do for yourself. Make sure you’re eating enough, getting enough sleep and doing a little exercise every day. Doing these little things will help you have the strength you need to heal.
Regardless of the reasons for you feeling that your life is empty after divorce, there’s one thing you’re already doing that is helping you to move forward. And that’s asking for help.
You found this article because you were searching the internet for help. Don’t let your search end with Google. Go to Amazon and find books. Ask your family and friends for help. You can even ask a helping professional for help too.
You can fill in the holes of your identity, your mind and the empty life you’re living now that you’re divorced. It’s probably not going to happen immediately and you’re going to have to work for it.
But you’ve just gotten some important information about the next steps you can take. Take the ones that make the most sense to you and change your life for the better.
You deserve it and you can do it.
I’m Dr. Karen Finn, a divorce coach and advisor helping people just like you who want support in dealing with the pain divorce and creating a post-divorce life you’re happy with. You can join my newsletter list for free weekly advice or schedule a FREE 30-minute conversation with me directly in my Time Trade calendar.