Could it really be this simple? AB-SO-LUTE-LY!
I get it. You’re incredibly busy.
You have a demanding job that requires your complete attention. Your team, your customers – not to mention your boss are all counting on you to perform at your best. After all, that’s who you are – a real achiever who loves what they do despite the long stressful days.
Then there’s home. The kids are involved in tons of activities and you’re their chauffer. You’ve got home maintenance chores (and cleaning) to do. Your pets need to be cared for. You’ve got clothes to wash and put away. Oh yeah, and then there’s the grocery shopping and meal preparation.
Every second of your day is accounted for and all you want from your spouse is for them to be your helpmate and lover without making more demands on your time. Yet for some reason that’s not happening. And when you think about it, it hasn’t happened for a long time.
Your relationship is strained. And the strain is making it harder for you to get through the rest of your life.
What if there was a simple answer that would make your relationship blossom again?
What if your relationship became the solid base that you could rely on as you tackle the rest of your life?
Well, according to a couple of surveys done by the Dating Divas, the answer could be amazingly simple and require very little effort on your part.
The first survey the Dating Divas conducted was to ask husbands what they wished their wives knew. The divas had hundreds of responses. After culling through all of the data, they narrowed it down to the top 10 things men wished their wives knew.
- I love you.
- You are beautiful and amazing.
- I am trying, so please be patient.
- Hints don’t work, so be direct.
- I want to be #1 in your life.
- I want to be appreciated.
- Positivity is attractive.
- Your words matter.
- Sex matters.
- Sometimes I just like to be left alone.
Do these 10 sound familiar? I’ll bet they do!
The second survey the Dating Divas conducted was to ask wives what they wished their husbands knew. And again the divas had hundreds of responses. They sifted through all of them and came up with the top 10 things women wished their husbands knew.
- I love you.
- I’m proud of you.
- Listening is more than hearing.
- I need (and want) to be told I’m beautiful.
- I want to act like we are dating again.
- You are important.
- Little things are actually big things to me.
- I want to be romanced.
- What you say affects me deeply.
- I appreciate YOU!
These probably sound familiar too.
But what’s important here isn’t how familiar these wishes are. What’s important here is that the number 1 thing on both lists is that husbands and wives both wish their spouse knew that they loved them.
Husbands and wives both wish their spouse knew they are loved for two reasons. First, we all know that if our spouse feels loved that our relationship is better which in turn makes our lives better. Second, we are all too lazy to do what it takes to let our spouse know they’re loved.
Somewhere along the way, we’ve put maintaining our relationship into the chore bucket. And that’s horrible!
Seriously, how hard is it to tell your partner you love them? Not very – unless you’ve gotten into the habit of being hurt and don’t want to be the first to say it. And even if that’s true, I know you have more backbone than that. Heck, you could even start out with a text saying “<3 u.” It doesn’t have to be some big dramatic gesture, but it does have to happen.
Taking 10 seconds three times a day to let your spouse know you love them will make a HUGE difference in your marriage. And can’t you find just 30 seconds in each day to make your marriage happier?
Looking for more help making your marriage better? Read more advice in Unhappy Marriage?
I’m Dr. Karen Finn, a divorce and personal life coach helping people just like you who are wondering if staying married is the right answer for them. You can join my newsletter list for free weekly advice. And, if you're ready, you can take the first step toward working with me as your personal coach by scheduling a private consultation.
Originally published at Marriage.com.