April 10, 2017
It doesn’t matter which side of the infidelity you were on, you’ve got to work to fix things.
One of you cheated…and one of you was betrayed.
Surviving infidelity isn’t an easy thing because it strikes to the core of what every relationship needs – trust.
Yet, you’ve made it through the initial pain and guilt of the discovery. You’ve tearfully talked through the options and decided together that you want to make your relationship work.
You both know that the affair was a symptom of something else that wasn’t working and you’re committed to resolving things because what you have (or can have) together is worth saving, worth fixing, and worth working on yourself for.
Yes, both of you will need to work on yourselves to survive the infidelity and restore your relationship, but what you need to do will depend on your role.
If you are the one who strayed, your tasks revolve around completely ending the other relationship and loving your spouse. Specifically, your five high-level tasks are:
- Cut all contact with the other person.
As long as the potential for temptation exists, your partner will never, ever be able to relax or trust you being around the other person. Without doubt, the…
Read more: How To Survive Infidelity And Restore Your Relationship
April 5, 2017
These three tips are exactly what you need so you’ll heal and survive the betrayal.
Finding out your spouse cheated (or is cheating) leaves you breathless with shock and starts your whole world spinning wildly as you try to make sense of things. And just as you start to catch your breath, your thoughts explode and you’re bombarded with a million questions.
How could they do this?
Doesn’t s/he love me?
Why wasn’t I enough?
What’s wrong with me?
And then, almost before you know what’s happening, … you’re getting divorced.
You struggle to make sense of who this person, who was your beloved and now is your opponent, is. How could they behave in such an abhorrent way? It’s as if you never really knew them.
Of course, you already lost your trust in them when you found out about their affair, but now you’re starting to mistrust yourself. Shouldn’t you have seen the signs? Can you tell the difference between someone telling you the truth and lying? Do you even know what’s real anymore? Are you capable of ever trusting someone again? Can you trust yourself?
Now you struggle daily with mistrusting just about everyone, but especially men, if your husband had…
Read more: How To Survive Infidelity And Divorce
March 28, 2017
It isn’t quite as cut and dried as you might think.
If you’re like most people, you got married with a certainty of two things:
1. You will be one of the lucky ones who made it to “happily ever after”
2. If your new spouse ever cheats on you, your marriage will be O.V.E.R.
Being certain of two ideas that seem completely opposed to each other seems a bit strange. But that’s the truth of how most of us enter marriage – idealistic and protective.
These ideas reflect the society we live in. We’re taught from an early age to believe in fairy tales filled with Princes and Princesses that fall in love and live “happily ever after.” Yet we’re also taught that not everyone is to be trusted. So if someone betrays you in any way, the relationship with must end immediately.
Now that you’ve discovered your spouse has cheated, these two certainties aren’t quite as clear cut as you thought they were when you married. That’s at least in part because the idea of something is WAY different from the reality of it.
Maybe divorceisn’t the only answer after all. But that doesn’t mean your marriage can simply…
Read more: What Infidelity Does To A Marriage May Not Be What You Think
March 21, 2017
Your financial fears are a warning that you need to start thinking and doing things differently.
One of the biggest fears people facing divorce have is not having enough money after their divorce is finished. This fear strikes people of all income levels.
Now, the fact is that at first you won’t have enough money to continue living the lifestyle you had when you were married. That’s just what happens when you get divorced and you divvy up the assets and debts.
And being fearful of that change is natural because money represents important things power, security and freedom.
But your fear of not having enough money is about more than just not wanting your financial status to change. It’s also a call to start doing things differently.
And that’s because in general, fears are warnings. They alert us to the fact that there’s a risk or threat we’re facing and that we have an opportunity to do something about it.
No doubt you’ve heard that the fear response is fight, flee or freeze.
If you choose to flee or ignore your changing financial situation, chances are your financial situation will be much worse than necessary because you’ll attempt to continue to live as you…
Read more: How To Overcome Your Post-Divorce Financial Fears
March 21, 2017
These 4 steps will help you get over your divorce and on with your life.
Life after divorce for men over 40 is very different from what their married friends think it is. Their friends think that a divorced guy should immediately get out there and sample as many different women as possible and that will automatically help them get over their divorce.
In my more than 10 years’ work with men over 40, I’ve yet to meet one who can immediately jump from being what he thought was happily married into the fabled life of a playboy. (No, not even the men who cheated on their wives can easily do this.)
Men over 40 need time to shift from being a family man to being a single dad because you can’t just erase the lifestyle you’ve had for years as easily as flipping a switch. It’s more of a four-step process.
The 4 steps for embracing life after divorce for men over 40:
Step 1: Figuring things out
This is the time when you make all the big adjustments and learn to live on your own again. You’ll rediscover how to do the things that your wife used to do – like laundry, paying the…
Read more: What Life After Divorce For Men Over 40 Is Really Like