Divorce Blog

How To Start Over After Divorce Even If It Seems Impossible

Happy man afloat in his boat who discovered how to start over after divorce.

Impossible is only one perspective.

Divorce impacts every facet of your life – how you live, who you are, what you do, when you get to see your kids, and maybe even where you live. So, of course, it’s natural that with all this change you’d feel sad, angry, resentful and uncertain about how to start over after divorce.

Yet, you also know that some people find a gift in all this chaos. They find a way to create an amazing life for themselves after divorce.

Even though, at this exact moment, it seems impossible that you’ll ever feel any better, deep down you know that if other people can figure out how to start over after divorce, you can too.

And you can. You’re not consigned to living with this pain, uncertainty, depression, frustration, anxiety and fear forever. Things can get better.

By following a process, the same process that everyone who’s ever healed and moved on from divorce has followed, you can make things better for you too.

  1. Work through your grief.

    This is the most difficult part of the process. It will require you to come face-to-face with painful memories and emotions. It is also unpredictable. No one can tell you how…

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What To Do If You’re Struggling With A Miserable Second Marriage

Woman looking over the landscape wondering what to do about her miserable second marriage.

Some ideas to consider before throwing in the towel.

 

The New York Times reported that 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce. Given a statistic like that, it makes sense that if you’re miserable in your second marriage that you might be wondering if it’s time to call a divorce attorney.

But before you pick up the phone, take a deep breath and consider exactly what it means to be struggling in your second marriage.

There are a multitude of reasons why second marriages fail and just as many for why others make it. To get to the bottom of what’s making yours so unhappy, let’s look at two categories of problems you might be having. The first are common to every marriage and the second are common to second (third, fourth…) marriages.

The most common struggles all married couples need to come to grips with include:

  1. Ideals vs reality

    Happily ever after doesn’t just happen. It takes work – lots of work – every single day of your lives together.

    Since life isn’t a cake walk, marriages and spouses have good days, meh days and bad days. If your second marriage is going to work, you both need to recommit on a daily basis…

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Co-Parenting Basics For Divorced Parents

Dad who knows the secrets of co-parenting for divorced parents carrying his son on his shoulders.

Co-parenting after the end of your marriage can be really hard, but your kids are worth it.

Regardless of why your marriage ended or is ending and the angst you feel about it, if you have children, your ex will always be in your life. That’s why learning all you can about co-parenting for divorced parents will help ease the parenting relationship you’ll need to maintain with your ex and help your kids not only move forward but thrive.

What Exactly Is Co-Parenting?

Most people assume that co-parenting simply means shared parenting post-divorce. However, this isn’t accurate.

Co-parenting is shared parenting where parents work together and communicate regularly to continue parenting together despite no longer being married. Co-parenting is hard. Co-parenting requires that two people who couldn’t stay married cooperate and compromise for the sake of their child or children.

Co-parenting requires that you and your ex are consistent and unified in your parenting. Although this doesn’t mean that you and your ex need to be perfectly in synch. Just closely enough aligned that your kid/kids understand that both their parents know what’s going on and are working together for their sakes.

More than anything else healthy co-parentingis focused on the kids. It is part of…

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Why Surviving A Wife’s Infidelity Is So Hard

Man sitting on steps contemplating the difficulties of surviving a wife’s infidelity.

Infidelity changes everything.

Surviving infidelity is hard. The sense of betrayal is profound when you learn that your spouse has cheated on you. And, yet, for many men – even those who have been unfaithful themselves – surviving a wife’s infidelity is especially brutal.

Although it’s changing, most men were taught to focus on achievements and to submerge, ignore, and deny their emotions – at least the ones that aren’t deemed powerful. When men with this type of world view marry, they often rely on their wives for the nurturing and emotional safety they deny themselves.

So when they’re faced with surviving a wife’s infidelity, one of their primary coping mechanisms for feeling whole is at risk of being permanently lost. This is profoundly terrifying. They simply can’t imagine life without their wife. Who would they be without the nurturing and emotional safety she’s always provided?

And the fear they feel naturally triggers their fight, flight or freeze response. (It can also be at the root of them saying and doing things they later regret.) Their instincts might initially drive them to fight for their marriage, to pursue divorce, or to deny the meaning of their wife’s affair.

As terrifying as it is for men…

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Why Healing After A Divorce Is Different For Everyone

Man sitting on a wall thinking about his struggle with healing after a divorce.

Many factors influence healing after a divorce and make it a unique experience for everyone.

When you got married the thought of divorce was a million miles away. And yet now here you are, a million miles away from that beautiful day when everything was possible, reading about healing after a divorce.

Getting over the end of your marriage will be one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. Divorce forces you to reimagine your life and create a new one. It forces you to reimagine your family relationships. It may even force you to reimagine yourself.

In other words, healing after a divorce is a very personal experience.

And it’s precisely because it is so personal, that healing after a divorce is different for everybody. Sure there are some common steps to healing after divorce, but how you experience them and how you proceed through the steps will be unique to you.

Obviously, your personality plays a part in how you will get over your divorce and how long it will take you to recover from it. But there are other factors too that can impact your healing and the time it takes.

Some of the other factors that influence healing after a divorce include:

  • How…

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