Divorce Blog

7 Things You Must Know About Healing After A Divorce Or Breakup

Man who is visibly struggling with healing after a divorce or breakup.

By keeping these truths about healing after a divorce or breakup in mind, you can heal more quickly.

It may sound trite to say that “no two relationships are alike,” but it’s true. And in the context of healing after a divorce or breakup, the maxim is just as germane.

Give a canvas, paints and brushes to all the students in an art class and tell them to render the same model. Even with the same instruction, the visual interpretations will be as unique as the artists themselves.

And so it is with giving relationship advice. The “experts” can give insight, objective observations, suggestions -- even relevant scientific data. But how you absorb and apply the counsel will be as unique as you are – especially if you’re struggling with feeling unlovable, lost and discouraged.

When healing after a divorce or breakup, it’s important to remember the unique, non-duplicatable nature of yourself and the relationship you’ve just left.

What may work seamlessly for helping one person heal may create a tangled mess for another. And one person may have a remarkable ability to move on and into a new relationship while another may embark on an unforeseen journey as a happy single.

One piece of…

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7 Strategies For Saving An Unhappy Marriage

Couple realizing the benefits of the work they put into saving an unhappy marriage.

Saving an unhappy marriage takes tremendous commit & a willingness to work hard on your own issues.

The bliss of “dating/engagement/wedding” is hardly a trustworthy predictor of a marriage’s success post-Honeymoon Phase. Saving an unhappy marriage may not be on a wedding-day radar, but it sometimes becomes the unexpected goal not too far into the marriage.

Anyone who has ever aspired to grow-old-together love has witnessed at least one iconic couple so interwoven at a soul level that the partners are veritably “one.” They speak and move in unison, respond with impeccable timing, and somehow, inexplicably, look alike.

The deeply-entrenched love of elderly couples who have been together almost their entire lives can be so inextricable that the spouses can’t live without one another. Literally. The stories of spouses dying within months, weeks, even hours of one another are so poignantly common that they have their own name: the widowhood effect.

Whether these beacons of hope are grandparents, friends or movie characters, their mastery of commitment gives witnesses pause to consider their “tricks.”

Were they always this happy? Did they ever fall on tough times? Did they ever get bored or angry with one another? And did they ever have to worry about…

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How To Get Over A Divorce After A Long Marriage

Man sitting alone and wondering how to get over a divorce after a long marriage.

These 8 suggestions will help you discover how to get over a divorce after a long marriage.

After being married for a while, it’s natural to begin identifying yourself in the context of marriage and family. So, knowing how to get over a divorce after a long marriage would therefore be as unnatural as forgetting your role as wife, mother, husband, father.

If you have been married long enough to start celebrating your precious-metal anniversaries, you may be part of the “gray divorce revolution.” Even if you are still on the road to 25, being married long enough to raise children to adulthood will make a divorce feel much the same as a gray divorce.

According to Pew Research Center, divorce rates from 1990-2015 showed a surprising age-dependent trend. While the divorce rates declined among those 25-39 (-21%), and slightly increased (+14%) for those 40-49, it more than doubled (109%) for those over 50, and tripled for those over 65.

Even though the rate of divorce is still almost twice as high for those under 50 as for those 50 and over, the trend is alarming, if not interestingly revealing.

Sometimes gray divorceis the result of empty nest syndrome. Sometimes it falls to indiscretion…

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The 6 Challenges Of Co-Parenting vs Parallel Parenting

This girl doesn’t care about co-parenting vs parallel parenting, she just wants her parents’ love.

How you parent after divorce has a lot to do with how well you’ve healed from your divorce.

Even divorce can’t excise an unwanted ex from your life if there are children left to be raised. Sole custody vs co-parenting vs parallel parenting -- the child-rearing component can be the most harrowing aspect of a marital split.

Ideally the parting adults would be just that: adults. They would recognize that their personal inability to co-exist in a marriage should not preclude their ability to be good parents. And they would be up for the task of behaving and communicating accordingly.

They would be unequivocally committed to the welfare and happiness of their children, even at the cost of their own comfort and convenience. They would never fight in front of, let alone through their children. And their children would have strong, healthy relationships with both parents

But alas, we know that is far from the norm. Children of divorce grow up steeped in the influences and effects of their parents’ actions. And their parents often don’t recognize their own influence until the damage has been done.

While sole custodyis relatively rare, there are reasons that it is in the best interest of a child. More…

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10 Tips For Co-Parenting Without Power Struggles

Father and son who have learned the benefits of co-parenting without power struggles.

Co-parenting without power struggles is more than a nice idea. It’s a must for your kid’s happiness.

Power struggles are often one of the reasons people divorce. But when children are involved, that push-and-pull has to stop.

Co-parenting without power struggles is more than just a nice idea. It’s something that has to happen if your children are going to survive the family break-up with any sort of normalcy and healthy development.

Ideally, co-parents approach the arrangement as an equal partnership in raising their children. Both adults contribute financially, emotionally, and with physical presence. They abide by their divorce and custody decree, communicate openly and civilly, and leave onlookers wondering why they ever divorced in the first place.

But the picture is rarely painted in such bright, unicorns-and-rainbows colors. More often than not, divorced co-parents are hanging onto unresolved marital issues. And insofar as they have to stay connected because of the kids, they battle the remaining issues out on the parenting field.

Common experiences of single co-parents include:

  • lack of consistency
  • fighting
  • resentment
  • power struggles and power plays
  • disrespecting boundaries
  • jealousy over an ex’s new love interest
  • time mismanagement
  • conditional support
  • financial irresponsibility and/or one-sidedness
  • differences in parenting values
  • disparagement of one parent by the…

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