Divorce Blog

Why “You Need to Make A Budget” Is Bad Divorce Advice

Woman holding a fan of $100 bills as she contemplates her budget.

Taking care of yourself has to do with more than how much you spend.

One piece of advice almost everyone going through divorce hears is “You’ve got to create a budget”. Although this is extremely practical advice, I think it sucks.

You’ve just ended your marriage. You might have just moved. You might not have your kids all the time. You might be looking for a job. And, oh yeah, you feel like CRAP! Yet now you’re supposed to figure out how to put more restrictions on yourself and create a budget?! Yeah, it just sucks as far as advice goes.

What you really need is a spending plan. A spending plan is all about you taking responsibility for how you choose to spend or not to spend your money.

OK, so you might think this is just a case of puh-tay-toh po-tah-toh, the word budget has a negative connotation for most people. And who needs more negativity as they’re putting their lives back on track after a divorce? No one I can think of.

Divorce is tough. You deserve to take care of yourself in every way possible. And, yes, this does include the words you use.

Words are incredibly powerful and can completely…

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4 Tips For Decreasing The Cost Of Your Divorce

If you’re struggling with the cost of divorce, here are 4 tips to help you save on attorney fees.

With the average cost of divorce in the US at $15,000 (investopedia.com), it's really no surprise that most people cite cost of divorce as one of their top 2 concerns when getting divorced. $15,000 is a hefty sum to most couples. It's not unusual for couples to seriously consider staying unhappily together rather than getting divorced simply because of the cost. Some couples decide to get divorced and then start saving for it.  They'll choose to continue living together (which is very difficult for most) to minimize expenses and start saving so they can eventually get divorced. Even those couples who are more comfortable with the average price tag of a divorce don't want to have to pay more than necessary.

So how do you cut the cost of your divorce?  Follow these four tips and you'll significantly your divorce cost.

  1. Keep a notebook, file folder, or spreadsheet that you use to record EVERY interaction you have with your attorney and their staff.  The reason for this is that going through divorce is stressful and when you're stressed you aren't always thinking at…

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How To Effectively Co-Parent With A Bully During Divorce

Divorcing couple wondering how they'll ever co-parent.

3 tips to help you mitigate the meltdowns while co-parenting during divorce.

A typical divorce is dramatic and traumatic for everyone involved. Divorce means that lives get changed forever – first and foremost your life, your kids’ lives, and your soon-to-be-ex’s (S2BX) life.

Although for some people the thought of things never being the same is a blessing. The blessing is no longer having to deal on a daily basis with temper tantrums, intimidation, insinuations, inquisitions, bossiness, or put-downs – the hallmarks of an emotional bully.

These people yearn for freedom from the drama and trauma of their marriage. They look forward to the end of walking on eggshells around their spouse so they can rebuild both their self-esteem and their self-confidence.

As much as you are looking forward to being divorced, your kids aren’t. They love both their parents. For them the thought of being separated from either of you is painful and scary.

Learning to co-parent with a bully is critical. Your kids deserve to feel as safe and loved as possible during your divorce. Co-parenting is the quickest way to achieve that. And the hard truth is that as the non-bully the bulk of this learning will fall on your shoulders.

Co-parenting…

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3 Signs Your Ex Is An Emotional Bully (And How To Handle It)

Man drinking coffee, holding a cigarette and being an emotional bully.

Feeling beat up every time you talk to your ex? Don’t let them get to you anymore.

Do you feel drained after every conversation, text, or email with your ex? If so, you might be dealing with an emotional bully.

For most of us, divorce is already a very emotionally difficult time. We're grieving the losses and loneliness. We're afraid we're not good enough and we even wonder if anyone will ever really love us.

Brené Brown says that the twin fears of 'not being good enough' and 'fear of disconnection' are at the root of shame. Leveraging these natural shame-based fears against us during divorce is exactly the tactic emotional bullies use.

Emotional bullies manipulate through shame and blame. They're masters of creating even more misery during a time when we're already vulnerable.

So, how do you know if your ex is an emotional bully? Here are three of their tactics (and how to deal with them):

  1. Nothing you do is ever good enough. Your ex makes statements like "... and you say you put the kids first," "you should be ashamed of yourself," and, "you never were any good at ____."

    To deal with this type of bullying, you must do two things. First, remember you are…

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Feeling Heartbroken? 3 Ways to FINALLY Get Over Your Ex

Drowning your sorrows in Häagen-Dazs and Kleenex isn’t the only way to get over your ex.

Feeling heartbroken over the loss of a relationship colors the whole world a shade of gloomy gray. Misery and grief are all you can recognize. And although this is normal, it sure doesn’t feel that way. Most of us want to get over heartbreak as quickly as possible.

The key to getting through the gloomy, tear-stained grayness of your heartbroken existence is to go through it, to feel what you're feeling, and to see your ex differently. Yeah, I know it's much easier for me to say that than it is to do, so here are 3 steps you can take (and why you should take them) to get over your ex.

  1. Talk about your feelings; express yourself. The Huffington Post recently reported on some research Grace Larson did at Northwestern University. It turns out that it's a good idea to talk about your ex.

    Specifically, she found that people who talked in an interview setting about their emotions made more progress than those who didn't. It's important to note that this talking wasn't focused on problem-solving or blaming, but on perspectives. They would discuss things like when they first realized…

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