- December 9, 2013
For way too many kids of divorced parents the holidays aren’t all that merry. Instead, the holidays are filled with confusion and guilt.
These kids experience confusion because they often have a hard time keeping track of schedules about when they’re going to be with Mom, when they’re going to be with Dad and when they’re going to be with their friends. Then layered on top of this confusion is guilt.
Kids of divorced parents often feel the need to be actors. They don’t want to upset Mom by talking about Dad in front of her and they don’t want to upset Dad by talking about Mom in front of him. So, these kids learn to act like their other parent isn’t as important as the parent they’re with right now. The pressure to continue the charade amps up around the holidays and then the guilt comes. Many of these kids feel guilty that they’re looking forward to being with the other parent and that they have to leave the parent they’re with right now to do that.
I got to see this confusion and guilt first-hand with my bonus sons.
The first time I spent the holidays with the boys, I was uncertain what…
Read more: What I Wish All Kids Of Divorced Parents Thought About The Holidays
- November 30, 2013
You've lost something big. It's OK to grieve. Just don't get stuck there.
A few months ago, I went to a luncheon for the family law section of the Tarrant County Bar Association. The topic of discussion for this particular luncheon was electronic medical records and how they might impact divorces.
What I found particularly interesting about the presentation was how much the presenter emphasized the difference between clinical depression and what I call situational depression (the kind that is often experienced in divorce). At first, I was a bit surprised that she would spend so much time doing this. But then I remembered that the popular idea of depression is that there's only one kind and that there's only one solution: immediately get a couple of prescriptions.
The biggest difference between situational depression and clinical depression is that loss, like death or divorce, causes situational depression.
Most people going through divorce experience some degree of situational depression as part of the normal grieving process over all the losses the end of the marriage brings. If not dealt with appropriately, situational depression can linger for much longer than it needs to.
I don't want that to happen to you. Because I want you to recover…
Read more: How To Deal With Divorce Depression
- November 11, 2013
The holidays are typically a time for celebration with friends and family. Yet, when you’re divorcing, the holiday season can feel anything but merry. To help you enjoy this holiday season instead of dreading it, here are 21 tips you can use today to survive your divorce and the holidays.
1. Be patient
Even in the best of times, the holidays can be a bit hectic. However, when you’re celebrating the holidays for the first time on your own, they can feel more than hectic. They can feel overwhelming! You’ve got so much going on emotionally with your divorce that the added tasks, events and scheduling of the holidays can all be just a bit too much.
Be patient with yourself, your kids and the rest of your family as you navigate the holidays. This is new and different for everyone and a little patience will go a long way toward making your first holidays post-separation/divorce more enjoyable than you might believe they can be right now.
2. Be flexible
The holidays are about celebrating with family and friends and don’t HAVE to occur on only one specific day. Many of my clients who are celebrating the holidays for the first time as a single…
Read more: 21 Tips To Survive Divorce And The Holidays
- October 22, 2013
Life is crazy enough without having to deal with divorce recovery. Learn how to make it easier.
When I got divorced in 2002, I thought that after the decree was signed by the judge everything would be better. I'd somehow magically be over all of the pain, fear, anger and disorganization that seemed to have overtaken my life. But, as you've probably guessed, the divorce decree wasn’t quite the magic wand I was hoping for.
It took me more than a year to really get myself feeling good again. There were just so many changes in my life and I didn't have a great way for absorbing all them, given the demands of a life I was already dealing with. I wound up procrastinating instead of doing things. My house was a wreck. I hardly had any food in the kitchen, but that didn't matter because I didn't eat much. My health was deteriorating. I was hardly sleeping. I think I was running on adrenaline, caffeine, sugar and not much else. Bottom line: I was exhausted and falling behind on everything.
I found my way out of the mess divorce created in my life, but it wasn't a simple task. I had to decide what…
Read more: Time Management Tips For Real Divorce Recovery
- October 14, 2013
For most people, divorce is made up of a bunch of unfamiliar events, requirements, emotions and behaviors. It can be a very confusing time. Because divorce is so confusing, unfamiliar and legal, it’s in your best interest to have exactly the right divorce experts to help you out.
The first expert most people find to guide them through divorce is an attorney or a mediator. The legalities of divorce can have repercussions for years and you deserve to have your interests attended to by an expert. However, an attorney may not be the first divorce expert you need to consult.
Another expert you might choose to assist you is a Certified Divorce Financial AnalystTM (CDFA). Experts with this designation can help you understand the long-term implications of various divisions of the marital assets and liabilities. For example, they can help you decide if it makes financial sense for you to keep the house. You deserve to have your financial interests attended to by an expert, but a financial expert may not be the first divorce expert you need to consult either.
People often also turn to a physician or psychiatrist to help them combat the worst of the emotional turmoil of divorce with medication. If…
Read more: Finding The Right Divorce Experts For You