- October 10, 2018
These 8 suggestions will help you know how to help your friends dealing with grief about divorce.
Many of us struggle to know how to help friends dealing with grief over death. Knowing how to help friends dealing with grief over divorce can be even more challenging. And yet, while the circumstances of the loss may be different, the compassion called for is the same.
Advice on going through the grief process of divorce usually starts with defining the grief process itself. And whether the griever is mourning the loss of a life or the loss of a love, the stages are still basically the same.
Divorce, like death, has effects that ripple outward like a pebble thrown into still water. You expect the disruption to the immediate family, but there is always a broader circle that feels the effects. Those on the outskirts of the divorce experience their own loss and shift in normalcy, and these can affect their responses to those divorcing.
Knowing how to help friends dealing with grief over divorce can be tricky if you let your own feelings or judgments get in the way. It is common to intellectualize a divorcing friend’s emotions, or to try to make the friend happy…
Read more: How To Help Friends Dealing With Grief Over Divorce
- October 1, 2018
Divorce is difficult at any age but divorcing at 50 or later has unique challenges.
Divorce rates may be highest for people under 50; but divorce rates for those over 50 have practically doubled since 1990. And for those over 50 who are ending a second or third marriage, the statistics are even worse.
Life after a divorce at 50 is unique in both its immediate consequences and future outlook.
The upward trend of divorce after 50, led by the Baby Boomer generation, has been so dramatic that it now has its own epithet: gray divorce.
Obviously, there are characteristics unique to people and marriages in the “50’s+” stage of life.
Those who married in their 20’s or even 30’s have history -- and probably children -- together. Many spouses have been together for more than half their lives, making life after a divorce at 50 a veritable unraveling of a lifetime.
As life expectancies continue to climb and gender roles continue to equalize, there are more opportunities for individuals to grow. There are also more opportunities for them to grow apart. (A testament, perhaps, to the fragility of relationships and the need to invest in their sustainability.)
By the time people reach middle-age, children are…
Read more: What Life After A Divorce At 50 Is REALLY Like
- September 21, 2018
You don’t need to stay stuck in an unhappy marriage. You can choose to be happy again.
Spouses who are in an unhappy marriage but are afraid to leave will question not only their marriages, but themselves. And, while outsiders may be quick to judge those who linger in misery, the cleaving is rarely simple.
Marriage doesn’t bask forever in wedding day euphoria, though it may be healthy and happy. It has its proverbial ups and downs, and sprinkles even the happiest partners with periodic longings for independence.
When marriages take on the dark cloud of being unhappy or even toxic, however, countless descriptors come up:
- anger issues
- drug/alcohol abuse
- improper/abusive parenting
And yet, when people are in an unhappy marriage but are afraid to leave, their reasons for not leaving can almost skirt the gravity of their unhappiness:
- staying together for the kids
- not wanting to part with money
- not wanting a lesser lifestyle or loss of home
- overwhelmed by the divorce process
- fear of loneliness
The underlying resistance to leaving an unhappy marriage, however, almost always comes down to fear.
- The prospect of divorce feels shameful and embarrassing.
- The thought of court, conflict and expenses creates panic.
- The person…
Read more: What To Do If You Have An Unhappy Marriage But Are Afraid To Leave
- September 17, 2018
Rebuilding your life isn’t easy by any stretch of the imagination, but if I can do it so can you.
When I was dealing with my divorce, I never thought I would get to this place — this vantage point of talking about “rebuilding my life after divorce.” When I say I was “stuck,” I was stuck! Add “spiraling” to the mix, and I’m sure you get the ugly picture.
Divorce is traumatizing on just about every level. The shifts in finances, custody and other pragmatic matters can be seismic in their effects. And the emotional upheaval can leave your life shattered when your world comes crashing down.
You would think that the person initiating a divorce would skate through the process less scathed than the other — at least emotionally.
But it really doesn’t matter if one person initiates the split or both partners come to the table with the same mindset. It sucks. It hurts. It turns your life and your sense of self inside out.
Little did I know that rebuilding my life after divorce would be just as difficult as living in an unhappy marriage. The defining difference was that one scenario was a slow, hopeless death of my spirit,…
Read more: Rebuilding My Life After Divorce Wasn’t Easy, But The Effort Was Worth It
- September 12, 2018
Be prepared, these reasons may infuriate you or produce feelings of empathy.
It’s a common question today that seems to go hand-in-hand with the questions about respect between the genders that we’re still struggling with as a society: Why do married men cheat and still stay married?
In my years working as a divorce coach, I’ve met several men who fall into this category. These men have a paramour that their wife doesn’t know about. And these men choose to stay married despite their infidelity and the fact that something must obviously be missing from their marriages.
What I’ve discovered is that there are three main reasons why married men say they cheat and yet remain married:
- Some unfaithful men still love their wives and yet need something more.
The something more they crave could be excitement, support, sex or any other need that they believe their wives are just not able to provide.
In some cases, they have asked their wives for what they need. And for some reason, these men – either correctly or incorrectly – believe their wives have denied their requests.
In other cases, the men have not asked their wives. And the reason they haven’t usually has to do with pre-judging…
Read more: Why Do Married Men Cheat And Stay Married?