Divorce Blog

5 Strategies To Help You Deal With A Divorce Grief Relapse

Beautiful mature woman wondering why she had a divorce grief relapse.

Feeling grief long after you’ve healed from your divorce is pretty common.

For the first couple of years of my marriage, my husband noticed that I would get grumpy around Thanksgiving – despite having wonderful plans for the holiday. He finally brought it to my attention. And after some careful thought, I realized I was grumpy because I had married my first husband around Thanksgiving. I had been having a divorce grief relapse each Thanksgiving!

Divorce grief relapses are fairly common. They don’t necessarily mean that you’re not over your divorce. They just signal there’s still a little more accepting you can do to fully heal.

Acceptance is the final stage of grief. The others include denial, pain and fear, bargaining, guilt, and depression. To reach acceptance you experience most if not all these stages – sometimes multiple times.

And the thing about divorce is there is a multitude of things to grieve. Some of these things are obvious and some are less so.

It’s when you get through the known, obvious bits of grief that you’ll typically feel you’re over your divorce. Which is why it can feel so disconcerting to have a divorce grief relapse.

Instead of immediately beginning to worry that maybe you’re…

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The Unvarnished Truth About Life After Divorce For Dads

Man sitting with his sons in his lap realizing that life after divorce for dads can be really good.

You can get through this.

Life after divorce for dads is tough for a multitude of reasons. There’s the grief, anger, hurt, loneliness, and sense of failure. There’s the financial burden of paying for your attorney, and maybe the cost of setting up a new household, spousal maintenance, and child support. And most importantly, life after divorce is tough because you have less time with your kids.

As dismal as all this sounds, by no means is life after divorce for dads a life sentence to this sad state of affairs. This is just where things start out. If you have the courage and will to make your life (and your kids’ lives) better, you can create an amazing life.

Step One: Heal

You must take care of yourself and heal from your divorce. You’ve got to deal with all the uncomfortable emotions that the end of your marriage has stirred up.

It’s only by looking directly at each emotion that engulfs you that you’ll be able to deal with it and put it in its appropriate place. If you don’t work through your feelings about your divorce, you’ll be doomed to carry them with you for the rest of your life. And that will color…

Read more: The Unvarnished Truth About Life After Divorce For Dads

Why Simply Surviving An Unhappy Marriage Will Make You Miserable

Man holding his head wondering if surviving an unhappy marriage is even possible.

You don’t have to accept the status quo.

How could your life have changed so dramatically? It wasn’t that long ago you were enjoying dreams of happily ever after. And somehow now, after such a beautiful beginning, you’re wondering about simply surviving an unhappy marriage.

Somewhere between then and now you’ve lost the shared dreams along with the ones that were just yours.

The love that once kept both of you bathed in feel-good hormones that made everything OK and helped you work together to find solutions to every challenge has disappeared. And now you’re unhappy – really, dreadfully unhappy.

What Makes A Marriage Unhappy?

There are so many things that can make marriages unhappy. And just like no two people are exactly alike, the reasons why your marriage is unhappy will be unique to you. Some of the common reasons people say they’re unhappy in their marriage include one or more of the following:

  • Infidelity

    It doesn’t matter if the infidelity is physical or emotional, it hurts. And it hurts everyone involved – not just the betrayed and the betrayer. It’s the unhealed pain of infidelity that causes unhappiness.

  • Abuse

    Abuse in a marriageisn’t only physical. It can be mental, emotional and/or sexual too. And when someone…

Read more: Why Simply Surviving An Unhappy Marriage Will Make You Miserable

13 Reasons Why Co-Parenting Doesn’t Work For Everyone

Man looking at his son wondering why co-parenting doesn’t work for him and his ex.

Co-parenting isn’t always the best choice or even possible after divorce.

Nearly everywhere you look online, you’ll find article after article extolling the virtues of co-parenting post-divorce. In fact, some even hint if not outright state that the only way to make sure your kids adjust well to the divorce is if you co-parent.

And many divorce professionals tell their clients that co-parenting is the best way to parent after divorce.

So if you’re divorced or separated and co-parenting isn’t working for you, it’s easy to understand why you might be feeling like a failure.

Yet, before you sink (deeper) into depression being afraid you’re screwing up your kids, you need to know there are some very valid and legitimate reasons why co-parenting doesn’t work for everyone.

But before getting into those reasons, it’s important to understand what it takes to successfully co-parent. Knowing what it takes will make it easier to accept and understand when and why co-parenting doesn’t work.

Successful co-parenting requires twelve things:

  1. Clear boundaries
  2. An open dialogue between both parents
  3. Consistency with rules and parenting styles in both households
  4. Pre-determined, predictable scheduling
  5. Willingness to be flexible when something comes up
  6. ZERO disrespectful talk about each other in front of or from the children…

Read more: 13 Reasons Why Co-Parenting Doesn’t Work For Everyone

Which Marriages Survive Infidelity & How To Tell If Yours Is One Of Them

Unhappy couple holding pillows and wondering not only which marriages survive infidelity, but if theirs will.

Knowing which marriages survive infidelity can help you find hope (or know it's over).

If your world has been thrown off its axis by an affair, you may wonder which marriages survive infidelity. You may wonder how it’s even possible to survive such a gutting of the intrinsic trust in a marriage.

And your doubt wouldn’t be unfounded. After all, nothing more completely undermines the most foundational premise of marriage than infidelity.

When your life has been turned inside out by betrayal, it’s only natural to feel confused, ungrounded, and unsure of your future. And that’s true for both the betrayed and the partner who strayed.

If you aren’t ready to sign divorce papers, knowing which marriages survive infidelity can help you assess the prognosis for your own marriage.

Simply knowing that marriages do survive infidelity -- and even come out stronger than ever -- can be a ray of hope.

Dr. Joe Kort, PhD believes that the frequency of infidelity is actually much higher than the numbers often cited. He also says that infidelity is the number-one reason people come to him for therapy. In his experience, these clients genuinely want to work through the trauma of infidelity and come out the other end…

Read more: Which Marriages Survive Infidelity & How To Tell If Yours Is One Of Them

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