- June 1, 2012
I love the Beatles. OK, it’s more accurate to say I love the Beatles album 1. I consider it “happy music” and often put it on when I’ve got a long drive ahead of me or when I just need a pick-me-up. One of the songs on the album is Help!
If you’re not familiar with the lyrics of the song, you can find them on Metro Lyric’s website. For me, the idea behind the song is that we learn how to be independent when we’re young and as we grow and mature we yearn and search for interdependence.
When we’re born we’re completely dependent on others and essentially helpless. All we can do is cry and scream when we want help. Then, when we turn about 2 we begin to discover our own power and the magic word “NO!”. That’s when our natural desire is to begin to find out who we are independent of our parents. Most of us tend to begin intently striving for our independence during our teen years. Some of us wait until we get to college to become independent and some, like me, don’t realize our full independence until much later. Regardless of when you establish your independence, it’s…
Read more: Finding Your True Power
- May 25, 2012
Time is one of those concepts that we all get, but is difficult to define. It’s a marker that allows us to separate past, present, and future.
Why bother discussing time? Because, I agree with Alan Lakein who is credited with saying, “Time = Life, therefore, waste your time and waste your life, or master your time and master your life.”
When we go through divorce, it’s so very, very, very easy to get caught up in either the past or the future instead of being here, now.
We can get caught up in the past by thinking things like, “If only s/he would have told me they weren’t happy, I know we wouldn’t be getting divorced now.” We might even think things like, “I knew before I got married that I shouldn’t marry him/her.” This was one of the thoughts that I had when I was going through my divorce. It was the truth, but it didn’t do any good. The fact was that I had gone ahead and gotten married despite what my gut was telling me. Spending time thinking about a decision I had made YEARS ago wasn’t making the situation any better. It wasn’t helping me to deal with what…
Read more: Life Is What’s Happening Now
- May 17, 2012
We all have hundreds of thousands of thoughts every day. Time to get up. I’m hungry. Who’s calling? Why haven’t they sent that email yet? I have so much to do. Do I look fat? How am I going to solve this problem? Why isn’t my attorney returning my call? If s/he would just reconsider, I know we could work it out. How could I be so stupid? Could this be cancer?
Some of our thoughts are helpful, some are fanciful, some are neutral, and some are just plain hurtful or scary. Every thought we have contributes to how we perceive ourselves, our situation and those around us. They can spur us into action or keep us from taking action. Our thoughts are what make our lives uniquely ours. That’s why two people can experience the same event and come away from it telling two entirely different stories about the event.
Perhaps you’ve heard the story of the bricklayers.
There were three bricklayers working side-by-side. A passerby stops to ask the first bricklayer, “What are you doing?” The first bricklayer rolls his eyes and responds, “Obviously, I’m laying bricks.” Not satisfied with the answer, the passerby stops by the second bricklayer and asks, “What are…
Read more: Your Thoughts Matter!
- April 26, 2012
Overwhelm is an expected consequence of divorce. I say that because WITHOUT EXCEPTION it’s something I work on with every single one of my clients. It’s also something I had to learn how to overcome when I went through my own divorce. What I’m going to share with you today is EXACTLY what I share with my clients as we pick through the pieces of what makes up their overwhelm. The result? They ALWAYS feel calmer and more in control of their situation. You will too, if you follow these 4 steps.
Step 1: Get really clear and specific about what you’re feeling overwhelmed by. It’s not unusual for this step to be difficult. Many of the people I work with have a general idea of what’s going on with them, but to be specific can take some digging. Be willing to dig! What you find during your excavation process might be thoughts, tasks, beliefs, or even more feelings.
What’s surprising to most people is that simply by getting clear about what’s going on they can start to alleviate some of their overwhelm. In fact, one of my clients recently told me at the end of our session that simply by specifically identifying all that was contributing…
Read more: 4 Steps To Overcoming Overwhelm
- April 9, 2012
“All the world’s a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages.”
As You Like It Act 2, scene 7, 139-143
Divorce is one of those times when we notice that people exit from our lives and the roles and responsibilities we shared with them no longer make sense. Many of these roles and responsibilities are ones we probably took for granted when these people were regularly in our lives. But now that they aren’t we just might find ourselves at a loss for how to get these unfilled roles filled.
Unlike a production of one of Shakespeare’s plays, we don’t usually have an understudy that will step up in if the person currently fulfilling a role suddenly isn’t there any more. This is where we need to roll up our sleeves and get to work on the functional divorce.
1. The first step is to identify which roles and responsibilities have been dropped.
To help you get started here are some roles and responsibilities people struggle with when they divorce. Well, they range widely – from the simple to the complex.…
Read more: Three Steps To Making Your Divorce Easier