- January 8, 2019
It’s possible to have a great tomorrow even if today your life after divorce sucks.
Perhaps you wanted your divorce. Perhaps not. Perhaps it was for the best. Perhaps not. But if you are thinking, “I hate my life after divorce,” something has to change. Divorce may be an unexpected reality in your life, but it doesn’t have to be your life’s demise.
Let’s start with some validation -- because if you’re reading this, you are probably in some pain and looking for answers.
Divorce is gut-wrenching. It’s the consummate reversal of things hoped for, things dreamed of, things promised. It rearranges every corner of your life.
It can add therapy bills to your expenses and divide your personal and material assets in ways you couldn’t have imagined. You see your children half as much, your self-esteem takes a hit, and the future can seem non-existent.
Quite frankly, it sucks. And it’s no wonder you’re saying, “I hate my life after divorce.”
But it doesn’t have to stay that way. There is light at the end of the tunnel, and it’s not that train you’re feeling chased by at the moment.
If you find yourself stuck in the pain of your divorce, two reasons may…
Read more: What To Do If You Find Yourself Saying, “I Hate My Life After Divorce”
- December 31, 2018
These tips for changing an unhappy marriage will help you begin changing yours.
To begin changing an unhappy marriage is to welcome an avalanche of feelings, questions, disappointments, even fears. The admission is like the last finger sliding from your death-grip on a steep cliff, with nothing below to catch you.
OK, so that’s a bit dramatic. But to the person finally mouthing the words, “I’m in an unhappy marriage,” that scenario may not be too far from the truth. After all, marriages don’t just rocket out of the “happiness atmosphere” and into the black hole of despair overnight. They inch their way along with a little neglect here, some acrimony there, a veneer of denial everywhere….
If you’ve reached the point where denial is no longer an option, you may wonder if changing an unhappy marriage is possible. And if you have come to this conclusion of unhappiness alone, you may feel you are the keeper of a deep, dark secret.
It’s unlikely that one spouse is miserable while the other is basking in bliss. But it’s not unrealistic to expect that the two come to their recognition of an unhappy marriage in different ways, at different times.
The things that accumulate to damage…
Read more: 7 Tips For Changing An Unhappy Marriage For The Better
- December 26, 2018
When co-parenting doesn’t work, you can still raise happy, healthy children post-divorce.
When a divorce involves children, the most important considerations necessarily revolve around them. When co-parenting doesn’t work as a custodial solution, the priority of the children must still be maintained.
Given that children need and deserve to have a relationship with both parents, it makes sense that co-parenting would be the ideal arrangement. In a healthy co-parenting arrangement, the children, not the parents, are the focus.
Co-parenting expects parents to essentially “be on their best behavior” and practice healthy co-parenting. They have to communicate regularly, agree on fundamental child-rearing strategies and rules, and put the needs of the kids above their own.
As idyllic an arrangement as that sounds -- short of being happily married -- it’s not always possible.
Some couples simply aren’t ready or able to rise above their lingering negative emotions like anger, resentment and jealousy. Sometimes parenting philosophies and behaviors are starkly different. (Perhaps those differences even played a role in the divorce.) And sometimes two people are just flat-out incapable of collaboration.
Read more: What To Do When Co-Parenting Doesn't Work
- December 18, 2018
It won’t be easy, but you can get past this and create a better marriage together.
How do you get past this? Knowing how to get over an affair your husband had when you can’t even breathe -- it feels impossible. How can you even want to stay with him? And how do you imagine life without him?
Affairs aren’t the exclusive scarlet letter of the immoral and heartless. They happen with and to all kinds of people...and to all kinds of marriages. They may be thoughtless, selfish and seemingly heartless in terms of damage done. But they are not necessarily the choice of those incapable of love and commitment.
And that can make your decision of whether and how to get over an affair your husband had and make your marriage work all the more difficult.
It’s easy to jump to the conclusion that, if your husband has an affair, he is choosing the “other woman” over you. It’s only natural to assume that he wants her more than he wants you. And therein lies the sting that causes your self-esteem, self-worth and dreams to implode.
People may think they know how they would act in response to learning of a spouse’s affair.…
Read more: How To Get Over An Affair Your Husband Had And Make Your Marriage Work
- December 10, 2018
Infidelity impacts you in profound ways regardless of which side of the betrayal you’re on.
Infidelity changes everything about a relationship. How could it not? But how infidelity changes you isn’t necessarily so sweeping and general, regardless of your role in the mess.
Dr. Jay Kent-Ferraro attempts to dispel the cliché myth that “once a cheater always a cheater.” Because of his experience — as a clinician and an unfaithful spouse — he makes the point that affairs are complex and always have a purpose to them.
By seeking to understand the reason and purpose behind an affair, both the betrayed and the betrayer can approach healing — and even redemption — with insight and wisdom.
And that’s true regardless of whether or not they stay together.
How infidelity changes you depends not only on who you and your spouse are heading into the affair, but who you are committed to becoming once the affair is exposed.
No matter what circumstances led to the affair, no one in its wake will be left unscathed. Yes, that goes for the cheater, too.
Again, there are always reasons — not excuses — and a purpose behind the unfaithful spouse’s choice to stray. But “once a cheater…
Read more: How Infidelity Changes You Whether You’re The Betrayer Or Betrayed