- April 29, 2019
You need to pause and get clear on what you want.
Learning your spouse has had or is having an affair is earth-shattering. In an instant, the implicit trust you’ve given them – and built your life upon – evaporates. And, shell-shocked, you’re left wondering how to survive infidelity and betrayal and move forward.
When you discover your spouse has lied to you about their fidelity, it’s natural to wonder what else they’ve been duplicitous about. When you’re married, it’s also natural to define yourself in terms of your marriage.
So, it makes sense that when you discover that your marriage wasn’t what you thought it was, you seriously question how you’ll survive and what is real.
And the only way to begin answering these questions for yourself is to gain clarity on what has happened, what it means to you, and what you want for your life.
What is the difference between infidelity and betrayal?
According to the dictionary, infidelity is the action or state of being unfaithful to a spouse or other sexual partner. In other words, infidelity is about sex.
Wikipedia defines betrayal in this way: Betrayal is the breaking or violation of a presumptive contract, trust, or confidence that produces moral…
Read more: How To Survive Infidelity And Betrayal Without Betraying Yourself
- April 21, 2019
There are definite benefits to knowing what lies ahead.
Divorce is one of the most distressing events you can every experience. Divorce causes pain of such intensity that it’s common to wonder if you can survive it. It’s from this abyss of hurt that you’ll start wondering how to make the aching anguish stop. And you’ll become cautiously curious about whether there are steps to healing after divorce.
And your curiosity about recovering from the end of your marriage is a very, very good thing.
Wanting to know the steps to healing after divorce is a sign of budding courage. It means you’re ready to begin your work to heal your heart instead of remaining mired in the throes of blame and victimhood.
It’s from this place of tentative resolution that knowing the steps to healing after divorce will give you the most benefit.
Benefit 1: Less Anxiety & Stress
Being afraid of the unknown is normal. Having to face the unknown when you’re struggling with the gut-wrenching grief of divorce is downright terrifying.
By knowing what to expect as you put in the effort to heal your heart, you’ll bring clarity to what you’re facing and what still lies ahead of you. And this will…
Read more: Why Knowing The Steps To Healing After Divorce Can Help You Heal More Quickly
- April 14, 2019
Feeling grief long after you’ve healed from your divorce is pretty common.
For the first couple of years of my marriage, my husband noticed that I would get grumpy around Thanksgiving – despite having wonderful plans for the holiday. He finally brought it to my attention. And after some careful thought, I realized I was grumpy because I had married my first husband around Thanksgiving. I had been having a divorce grief relapse each Thanksgiving!
Divorce grief relapses are fairly common. They don’t necessarily mean that you’re not over your divorce. They just signal there’s still a little more accepting you can do to fully heal.
Acceptance is the final stage of grief. The others include denial, pain and fear, bargaining, guilt, and depression. To reach acceptance you experience most if not all these stages – sometimes multiple times.
And the thing about divorce is there is a multitude of things to grieve. Some of these things are obvious and some are less so.
It’s when you get through the known, obvious bits of grief that you’ll typically feel you’re over your divorce. Which is why it can feel so disconcerting to have a divorce grief relapse.
Instead of immediately beginning to worry that maybe you’re…
Read more: 5 Strategies To Help You Deal With A Divorce Grief Relapse
- April 9, 2019
You can get through this.
Life after divorce for dads is tough for a multitude of reasons. There’s the grief, anger, hurt, loneliness, and sense of failure. There’s the financial burden of paying for your attorney, and maybe the cost of setting up a new household, spousal maintenance, and child support. And most importantly, life after divorce is tough because you have less time with your kids.
As dismal as all this sounds, by no means is life after divorce for dads a life sentence to this sad state of affairs. This is just where things start out. If you have the courage and will to make your life (and your kids’ lives) better, you can create an amazing life.
Step One: Heal
You must take care of yourself and heal from your divorce. You’ve got to deal with all the uncomfortable emotions that the end of your marriage has stirred up.
It’s only by looking directly at each emotion that engulfs you that you’ll be able to deal with it and put it in its appropriate place. If you don’t work through your feelings about your divorce, you’ll be doomed to carry them with you for the rest of your life. And that will color…
Read more: The Unvarnished Truth About Life After Divorce For Dads
- April 3, 2019
You don’t have to accept the status quo.
How could your life have changed so dramatically? It wasn’t that long ago you were enjoying dreams of happily ever after. And somehow now, after such a beautiful beginning, you’re wondering about simply surviving an unhappy marriage.
Somewhere between then and now you’ve lost the shared dreams along with the ones that were just yours.
The love that once kept both of you bathed in feel-good hormones that made everything OK and helped you work together to find solutions to every challenge has disappeared. And now you’re unhappy – really, dreadfully unhappy.
What Makes A Marriage Unhappy?
There are so many things that can make marriages unhappy. And just like no two people are exactly alike, the reasons why your marriage is unhappy will be unique to you. Some of the common reasons people say they’re unhappy in their marriage include one or more of the following:
It doesn’t matter if the infidelity is physical or emotional, it hurts. And it hurts everyone involved – not just the betrayed and the betrayer. It’s the unhealed pain of infidelity that causes unhappiness.
Abuse in a marriageisn’t only physical. It can be mental, emotional and/or sexual too. And when someone…
Read more: Why Simply Surviving An Unhappy Marriage Will Make You Miserable