July 31, 2017
Life after divorce isn’t all good or all bad. There’s a lot of life that’s between these extremes.
Divorce is complicated. And because it’s so complicated, people tend to focus on the worst-case and best-case scenarios when they think about the reality of life after divorce.
At one extreme, some assume that the truth of life post-divorce is misery and constant struggle. And there are ample examples of both men and women who struggle profoundly during and after their divorces.
Others assume that their reality of life after divorce will be immediate happiness and joy because they’ll be able to move on with their lives without their ex. There are also plenty of stories of men who quickly move on to new, happier relationships and women who feel liberated upon divorcing.
Like most things in life, I believe that the reality of life after divorce will be what you make of it.
When I look back at my own divorce, I first believed that my divorce was the best thing that could happen. I had felt trapped in a marriage that had become loveless and the thought of being free was intoxicating.
However, I also experienced a whole lot of post-divorce misery and struggle – in part because I…
Read more: The Reality Of Life After Divorce May Not Be What You Think
July 24, 2017
The one who was betrayed isn’t the only victim of cheating.
The betrayal of infidelity hurts. The cheater’s actions hurt the spouse who was betrayed, their children, their families, close friends, and even their community.
But these aren’t the only people infidelity hurts. Cheating hurts the cheater too.
You’re probably wondering how cheating could possibly hurt the one doing the betraying because they’re the one who is apparently doing what they want without caring how it impacts anyone else.
How cheating affects the cheater is profound. Her/his actions hurt them, their marriages, and all their other important relationships.
Despite the initial thrill of an affair, cheating can negatively affect the cheater emotionally. It’s common for them to feel anxiety, guilt, shame, worry, regret, confusion, embarrassment, and self-loathing when they contemplate how their actions impact those they love and why they cheated in the first place.
When he/she thinks about and experiences how their actions impact them they feel the sting and anguish of their poor judgment.
All of these thoughts swirling through their heads and the rollercoaster of their emotions can lead cheaters to live two completely different lives while the affair continues. One where they feel the addictive ecstasy of love and one where they…
Read more: How Cheating Affects The Cheater
June 27, 2017
Each couple dealing with infidelity has 3 options for how they will move forward.
Discovering that your spouse has been unfaithful is horrifying and confusing. You search for explanations for how your partner could have made the choice to betray you.
You wonder if there’s something wrong with you. Or maybe there’s something wrong with them. Or maybe there’s something wrong with both of you. Or maybe there’s something evil about the person your spouse had the affair with. Or …
As your thoughts roll around and around ceaselessly, so do your emotions as you try again and again to make sense of things now that trust has been broken.
Why infidelity leads to divorce for some couples and not others is a necessary question to answer when you’re dealing with infidelity in your own relationship.
For some couples, infidelity means their relationship is over. For others, they continue on as if nothing happened. And still others emerge from the trauma of infidelity stronger and happier together than ever before.
What are the differences between these groups?
There are three different reasons why couples divorce after the discovery of an affair:
- One of the spouses had already decided to divorce before the infidelity was brought to light.…
Read more: Why Infidelity Leads To Divorce For Some Couples, But Not All
June 14, 2017
5 tips to help you make a tough situation more manageable (and help your baby get through it too).
Divorce is difficult no matter what the circumstances. But when your divorce happens while you have an infant life gets really tough.
Tough, but not unmanageable.
Life after divorce with a baby has a unique set of challenges not only for you and your ex, but for your baby too.
Let’s start with some of the “life after divorce with a baby” challenges you and your former spouse face.
You will never feel like a “normal” family. No matter how your lives evolve, you’ll never feel like the “normal” nuclear family because you’re not. And that’s perfectly OK. In fact, you might call it the new normal because less than 50% of U.S. kids grow up in a “normal” nuclear family.
You will feel frustrated by the lack of control. When your ex has the baby, you’ll hate that they get to spend time with the baby and you’ll worry about your ex’s parenting skills. The only way to deal with your frustration is by learning to trust your ex with your precious child and that can be really difficult when you’re still healing from your divorce.…
Read more: What Life After Divorce With A Baby Is REALLY Like
June 6, 2017
Use these 5 tips and create a collaborative co-parenting relationship – for your kids’ sake.
Co-parenting is tough. Somehow, you’re supposed to suddenly change how you think about your former spouse. You’re supposed to be emotionless toward them. You’re supposed to see them as a business partner in the business of raising your child(ren) and not as the person you thought you’d happily spend the rest of your life with.
Making this transition is one of the most difficult things you’ll ever do because it requires that you heal from your divorce and deal with your grief while you figure out how to co-parent.
Talk about a Herculean task!
With all of this pressure to heal and put your life back together going on at the same time you’re learning how to co-parent, it’s natural that you and your co-parent are going to run into trouble communicating now and again.
So, learning how to discuss co-parenting problems when they arise and without the discussion turning into a battle is one of the most important skill you can develop as you create your new life after divorce.
These 5 tips will help you discuss any co-parenting issues that arise without losing your cool:
- Co-parenting is about the kids.
Read more: How To Discuss Co-Parenting Issues Without Losing Your Cool