- March 24, 2019
Co-parenting isn’t always the best choice or even possible after divorce.
Nearly everywhere you look online, you’ll find article after article extolling the virtues of co-parenting post-divorce. In fact, some even hint if not outright state that the only way to make sure your kids adjust well to the divorce is if you co-parent.
And many divorce professionals tell their clients that co-parenting is the best way to parent after divorce.
So if you’re divorced or separated and co-parenting isn’t working for you, it’s easy to understand why you might be feeling like a failure.
Yet, before you sink (deeper) into depression being afraid you’re screwing up your kids, you need to know there are some very valid and legitimate reasons why co-parenting doesn’t work for everyone.
But before getting into those reasons, it’s important to understand what it takes to successfully co-parent. Knowing what it takes will make it easier to accept and understand when and why co-parenting doesn’t work.
- Clear boundaries
- An open dialogue between both parents
- Consistency with rules and parenting styles in both households
- Pre-determined, predictable scheduling
- Willingness to be flexible when something comes up
- ZERO disrespectful talk about each other in front of or from the children…
Read more: 13 Reasons Why Co-Parenting Doesn’t Work For Everyone
- March 18, 2019
Knowing which marriages survive infidelity can help you find hope (or know it's over).
If your world has been thrown off its axis by an affair, you may wonder which marriages survive infidelity. You may wonder how it’s even possible to survive such a gutting of the intrinsic trust in a marriage.
And your doubt wouldn’t be unfounded. After all, nothing more completely undermines the most foundational premise of marriage than infidelity.
When your life has been turned inside out by betrayal, it’s only natural to feel confused, ungrounded, and unsure of your future. And that’s true for both the betrayed and the partner who strayed.
If you aren’t ready to sign divorce papers, knowing which marriages survive infidelity can help you assess the prognosis for your own marriage.
Simply knowing that marriages do survive infidelity -- and even come out stronger than ever -- can be a ray of hope.
Dr. Joe Kort, PhD believes that the frequency of infidelity is actually much higher than the numbers often cited. He also says that infidelity is the number-one reason people come to him for therapy. In his experience, these clients genuinely want to work through the trauma of infidelity and come out the other end…
Read more: Which Marriages Survive Infidelity & How To Tell If Yours Is One Of Them
- March 11, 2019
No matter how bad things seem now, you can get through this.
The divorce devastated you. The affair that caused it all but destroyed you. Knowing how to get over a divorce and an affair seems all but impossible.
It’s a sobering reality that we just take for granted the “around 50%” divorce rate in the US. Even worse when you consider the higher rates for subsequent marriages, or the percentage of divorces prompted by infidelity.
But those are just statistics -- pragmatic pie charts of connubial destiny in America. They tell you nothing about the feelings, histories and struggles of the people who make up the numbers. And they show you nothing about how to get over a divorce and an affair.
The list of collateral damage from divorce will come as no surprise. There is the plummet into sadness, anger, confusion and all the stages of grief. There are the financial ramifications and the short- and long-term trauma to children.
Add to an already painful experience the rip-your-heart-out scourge of infidelity, and those consequences become amplified and even more complex.
Read more: How To Get Over A Divorce And An Affair
- March 1, 2019
There’s the end and then there’s finality.
Divorce is often compared to death in terms of the experience of loss and grief. But despite their similarities, dealing with grief after divorce is different from grief over death.
When you’re suffering from any kind of pain or loss, the last thing you want is a comparison of your pain to others. “At least you still have (this),” “At least you didn’t lose (that),” “It could have been so much worse.”
Making comparisons, even with the best intentions, can minimize the sufferer’s feelings and reality. It can also lead the one making the comparisons to mete out compassion relative to the judgment made.
When comparing the ways that dealing with grief after divorce is different from grief after death, no such judgment is intended. Those who have experienced both divorce and the death of a spouse can best attest to the entanglement of their similarities and differences.
Some of the obvious ways that dealing with grief after divorce and dealing with grief after death of a spouse are similar include:
- There is the painful loss of a spouse, and often the loss of self-identity as a partner.
- Both divorce and death mark an end to your hopes,…
Read more: 10 Ways Dealing With Grief After Divorce Is Different From Grief Over Death
- February 22, 2019
You can overcome your fears if you learn to listen to them differently.
When the Kansas tornado picked up Dorothy’s house and whisked it off to Munchkinland, she was naturally afraid. Feeling scared of life after divorce isn’t much different, really.
Marriage, with all its imperfections and frustrations, is the thing you “know.” Or at least you think you do. It’s the “Auntie Em,” the point on your compass that you at least recognize. And familiarity is comforting -- even, ironically, when it’s uncomfortable.
Whether or not you wanted to end your marriage, divorce represents the tornado that can wipe out your dreams in one pass. Even if you see it coming, it doesn’t tell you where it’s going to drop you. Or how hard.
It’s only natural to feel scared of life after divorce. To fear being alone. To worry about your kids. To worry about finances. To dread attorneys, courts and fees. To feel angry, hurt, robbed.
The post-divorce rubble can leave you scrambling to find even one thing that represents home and happiness to you. Friendships and family ties get weird, and some disappear altogether. Money is a major issue, and often there is no retirement in place to even cushion…
Read more: 7 Things To Remember When You’re Feeling Scared Of Life After Divorce