- June 28, 2019
Some ideas to consider before throwing in the towel.
The New York Times reported that 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce. Given a statistic like that, it makes sense that if you’re miserable in your second marriage that you might be wondering if it’s time to call a divorce attorney.
But before you pick up the phone, take a deep breath and consider exactly what it means to be struggling in your second marriage.
There are a multitude of reasons why second marriages fail and just as many for why others make it. To get to the bottom of what’s making yours so unhappy, let’s look at two categories of problems you might be having. The first are common to every marriage and the second are common to second (third, fourth…) marriages.
The most common struggles all married couples need to come to grips with include:
- Ideals vs reality
Happily ever after doesn’t just happen. It takes work – lots of work – every single day of your lives together.
Since life isn’t a cake walk, marriages and spouses have good days, meh days and bad days. If your second marriage is going to work, you both need to recommit on a daily basis…
Read more: What To Do If You’re Struggling With A Miserable Second Marriage
- June 17, 2019
Co-parenting after the end of your marriage can be really hard, but your kids are worth it.
Regardless of why your marriage ended or is ending and the angst you feel about it, if you have children, your ex will always be in your life. That’s why learning all you can about co-parenting for divorced parents will help ease the parenting relationship you’ll need to maintain with your ex and help your kids not only move forward but thrive.
What Exactly Is Co-Parenting?
Most people assume that co-parenting simply means shared parenting post-divorce. However, this isn’t accurate.
Co-parenting is shared parenting where parents work together and communicate regularly to continue parenting together despite no longer being married. Co-parenting is hard. Co-parenting requires that two people who couldn’t stay married cooperate and compromise for the sake of their child or children.
Co-parenting requires that you and your ex are consistent and unified in your parenting. Although this doesn’t mean that you and your ex need to be perfectly in synch. Just closely enough aligned that your kid/kids understand that both their parents know what’s going on and are working together for their sakes.
More than anything else healthy co-parentingis focused on the kids. It is part of…
Read more: Co-Parenting Basics For Divorced Parents
- June 11, 2019
Infidelity changes everything.
Surviving infidelity is hard. The sense of betrayal is profound when you learn that your spouse has cheated on you. And, yet, for many men – even those who have been unfaithful themselves – surviving a wife’s infidelity is especially brutal.
Although it’s changing, most men were taught to focus on achievements and to submerge, ignore, and deny their emotions – at least the ones that aren’t deemed powerful. When men with this type of world view marry, they often rely on their wives for the nurturing and emotional safety they deny themselves.
So when they’re faced with surviving a wife’s infidelity, one of their primary coping mechanisms for feeling whole is at risk of being permanently lost. This is profoundly terrifying. They simply can’t imagine life without their wife. Who would they be without the nurturing and emotional safety she’s always provided?
And the fear they feel naturally triggers their fight, flight or freeze response. (It can also be at the root of them saying and doing things they later regret.) Their instincts might initially drive them to fight for their marriage, to pursue divorce, or to deny the meaning of their wife’s affair.
As terrifying as it is for men…
Read more: Why Surviving A Wife’s Infidelity Is So Hard
- June 3, 2019
Many factors influence healing after a divorce and make it a unique experience for everyone.
When you got married the thought of divorce was a million miles away. And yet now here you are, a million miles away from that beautiful day when everything was possible, reading about healing after a divorce.
Getting over the end of your marriage will be one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. Divorce forces you to reimagine your life and create a new one. It forces you to reimagine your family relationships. It may even force you to reimagine yourself.
In other words, healing after a divorce is a very personal experience.
And it’s precisely because it is so personal, that healing after a divorce is different for everybody. Sure there are some common steps to healing after divorce, but how you experience them and how you proceed through the steps will be unique to you.
Obviously, your personality plays a part in how you will get over your divorce and how long it will take you to recover from it. But there are other factors too that can impact your healing and the time it takes.
Some of the other factors that influence healing after a divorce include:
Read more: Why Healing After A Divorce Is Different For Everyone
- May 23, 2019
It’s hard. It sucks. But it’s not impossible.
Divorce is complicated (and it sucks) because you’re faced with seemingly non-stop social, emotional, legal, financial, and the everyday challenges of your new life. Everything changes and not always for the better – at least at first. Of course, all these changes trigger grief which you may think you understand because you’ve grieved before. But overcoming divorce grief is completely different from getting over any other type of grief.
It’s different because you’re constantly reminded of the losses – and there are a lot of things you lose when you divorce. You lose your status as a spouse. You lose time with your kids. You lose the financial means you had together. You lose friends. You lose your dreams for the future.
You lose so very many things that you’ll subtly and obviously be reminded of…
- when you look at your beautiful child and see the resemblance to your ex.
- when you hear someone talking about their spouse and the fun they had over the weekend.
- when you’re struggling to figure out how to make ends meet.
- when you’re home all alone over the weekend and your kids are with their other parent.
- when you see a commercial for…
Read more: Why Overcoming Divorce Grief Is So Freakin’ Hard