What To Do When Co-Parenting Doesn't Work

Details

December 26, 2018

When co-parenting doesn’t work, you can still raise happy, healthy children post-divorce.

When a divorce involves children, the most important considerations necessarily revolve around them. When co-parenting doesn’t work as a custodial solution, the priority of the children must still be maintained.

Given that children need and deserve to have a relationship with both parents, it makes sense that co-parenting would be the ideal arrangement. In a healthy co-parenting arrangement, the children, not the parents, are the focus.

Co-parenting expects parents to essentially “be on their best behavior” and practice healthy co-parenting. They have to communicate regularly, agree on fundamental child-rearing strategies and rules, and put the needs of the kids above their own.

As idyllic an arrangement as that sounds -- short of being happily married -- it’s not always possible.

Some couples simply aren’t ready or able to rise above their lingering negative emotions like anger, resentment and jealousy. Sometimes parenting philosophies and behaviors are starkly different. (Perhaps those differences even played a role in the divorce.) And sometimes two people are just flat-out incapable of collaboration.

Research shows that it’s not divorce itself that causes lasting harm to children. It’s being an audience to their parents’ destructive fighting that harms them. And…

Read more: What To Do When Co-Parenting Doesn't Work

10 Tips For Co-Parenting Without Power Struggles

Details

November 5, 2018

Co-parenting without power struggles is more than a nice idea. It’s a must for your kid’s happiness.

Power struggles are often one of the reasons people divorce. But when children are involved, that push-and-pull has to stop.

Co-parenting without power struggles is more than just a nice idea. It’s something that has to happen if your children are going to survive the family break-up with any sort of normalcy and healthy development.

Ideally, co-parents approach the arrangement as an equal partnership in raising their children. Both adults contribute financially, emotionally, and with physical presence. They abide by their divorce and custody decree, communicate openly and civilly, and leave onlookers wondering why they ever divorced in the first place.

But the picture is rarely painted in such bright, unicorns-and-rainbows colors. More often than not, divorced co-parents are hanging onto unresolved marital issues. And insofar as they have to stay connected because of the kids, they battle the remaining issues out on the parenting field.

Common experiences of single co-parents include:

• lack of consistency
• fighting
• resentment
• power struggles and power plays
• disrespecting boundaries
• jealousy over an ex’s new love interest
• time mismanagement
• conditional support
• financial irresponsibility and/or one-sidedness
• differences in parenting values
• disparagement of one parent by the…

Read more: 10 Tips For Co-Parenting Without Power Struggles

The 6 Challenges Of Co-Parenting vs Parallel Parenting

Details

November 13, 2018

How you parent after divorce has a lot to do with how well you’ve healed from your divorce.

Even divorce can’t excise an unwanted ex from your life if there are children left to be raised. Sole custody vs co-parenting vs parallel parenting -- the child-rearing component can be the most harrowing aspect of a marital split.

Ideally the parting adults would be just that: adults. They would recognize that their personal inability to co-exist in a marriage should not preclude their ability to be good parents. And they would be up for the task of behaving and communicating accordingly.

They would be unequivocally committed to the welfare and happiness of their children, even at the cost of their own comfort and convenience. They would never fight in front of, let alone through their children. And their children would have strong, healthy relationships with both parents

But alas, we know that is far from the norm. Children of divorce grow up steeped in the influences and effects of their parents’ actions. And their parents often don’t recognize their own influence until the damage has been done.

While sole custodyis relatively rare, there are reasons that it is in the best interest of a child. More…

Read more: The 6 Challenges Of Co-Parenting vs Parallel Parenting

What Is Healthy Co-Parenting?

Details

August 19, 2018

Here are 12 of the most important characteristics of healthy co-parenting.

Parenting children is challenging. Co-parenting after divorce can be especially challenging...and anything but healthy.

So what is healthy co-parenting? And how can two people who couldn’t get along well enough to stay married be expected to co-parent like adults?

The norm for child custody used to be that one parent was the custodial guardian and the other parent had limited visitation. This might be every other weekend with extra time during vacations from school, or a similar but limited arrangement.

Today, however, it is common for parents to share custody of the children after divorce. The giant dry-erase board in the kitchen will be filled in according to “Mom’s week,” “Dad’s week” and a slew of co-mingling events defined by the kids’ active lives.

Co-parenting is greatly influenced by the reciprocal interactions of each parent. In other words, if you as the parents are inconsistent and ununified in your parenting, your children will be the ones to suffer.

When it comes to communication, if you don’t know or practice what is healthy, co-parenting will be unnecessarily difficult for everyone involved. It is a commitment that requires empathy, patience, honesty and open communication.

More than…

Read more: What Is Healthy Co-Parenting?