Coparenting

How To Handle Co-Parenting With An Ex Who Hates You

Couple near a tree arguing about how to handle co-parenting.

You can co-parent with minimal contact & still raise happy kids.

You would think that two adults could figure out how to handle co-parenting after divorcing. It sounds like a no-brainer, “mature” thing to expect -- that parents would naturally put their children above their own feelings.

But if life followed the ideal, couples would walk down the aisle once and for good, and co-parenting wouldn’t have to exist. 

We all know that being an adult doesn’t guarantee wisdom, discretion, or even maturity. And bringing children into the world doesn’t guarantee that parents know how to parent. (And it certainly doesn’t guarantee that they will know how to handle co-parenting after a divorce, especially when one parent hates the other.)

Once upon a time, children of divorce were awarded to their fathers because women couldn’t own property. (Yes, children were considered property.) Fast forward to the Industrial Revolution and on into the mid-20th century, and that all changed. 

Today’s adult children of divorce can easily expound on the custody arrangements of the mid- to late 1900’s. They normally lived with one parent (usually the mother) and saw the other parent only every other weekend. 

The concept of co-parenting is still relatively…

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Keys To Co-Parenting After You Have Remarried

Newly engaged woman, who’s ready to learn the keys to co-parenting, meeting her future step-son.

Tips to help you, your kids' other parent and your new spouse work together.

Divorce can make life feel unraveled on countless levels. And no one in its sphere is immune to its effects. If you have children and are co-parenting, you know there will be new adjustments as you begin to open your life to new love. And if you plan to remarry, you will need keys to co-parenting that support your children and allow you to move on with your life.

Research shows that children of divorce who spend at least 35% of their time with each parent have better relationships with both parents. They also fare better academically, socially, and psychologically. 

The takeaway here is that shared parenting, or co-parenting, should be the goal of divorced parents committed to their children’s highest good. (However, co-parenting isn’t always possible and sometimes it isn't in the best interest of the children.)

Successfully using the keys to co-parenting requires the commitment of the parents to behave as adults. Their primary focus can’t be on their personal squabbles or lingering anger from their marriage.

And if the biological parents can’t co-parent in a healthy way, adding a new spouse to the mix won’t make things any easier.

Briefly,…

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Why Co-Parenting A Teenager Is So Hard

Teenage girl who’s unaware of how difficult co-parenting a teenager is.

It is really hard, but you can make it easier.

For most parents who divorce, co-parenting sucks. Somehow, you’re supposed to go from not being able to make a marriage work to being able to communicate and work together to raise your children. But even that gets more difficult when you’re faced with co-parenting a teenager together.

Before diving into the difficulties of co-parenting a teenager, you need to understand why it’s typically so tough to raise teenagers.

Why parenting a teenager is so hard

Adolescence brings with it amazing physical and hormonal changes which result in sexual and other physical maturation. And all these developments mean that teens have behavioral changes and mood swings.

Teens are gradually able to think more abstractly, make plans and set long-term goals. They may become more interested in philosophy, politics and social issues. They’ll likely also begin comparing themselves to their peers.

They want greater control of their own lives and independence from their parents. So their friendships and romantic/sexual relationships become very important to them.

Developing a sense of personal identity is one of the major tasks that teens undertake. And many try out lots of different ways of being – including ways that fly in the face of what…

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Co-Parenting Basics For Divorced Parents

Dad who knows the secrets of co-parenting for divorced parents carrying his son on his shoulders.

Co-parenting after the end of your marriage can be really hard, but your kids are worth it.

Regardless of why your marriage ended or is ending and the angst you feel about it, if you have children, your ex will always be in your life. That’s why learning all you can about co-parenting for divorced parents will help ease the parenting relationship you’ll need to maintain with your ex and help your kids not only move forward but thrive.

What Exactly Is Co-Parenting?

Most people assume that co-parenting simply means shared parenting post-divorce. However, this isn’t accurate.

Co-parenting is shared parenting where parents work together and communicate regularly to continue parenting together despite no longer being married. Co-parenting is hard. Co-parenting requires that two people who couldn’t stay married cooperate and compromise for the sake of their child or children.

Co-parenting requires that you and your ex are consistent and unified in your parenting. Although this doesn’t mean that you and your ex need to be perfectly in synch. Just closely enough aligned that your kid/kids understand that both their parents know what’s going on and are working together for their sakes.

More than anything else healthy co-parentingis focused on the kids. It is part of…

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13 Reasons Why Co-Parenting Doesn’t Work For Everyone

Man looking at his son wondering why co-parenting doesn’t work for him and his ex.

Co-parenting isn’t always the best choice or even possible after divorce.

Nearly everywhere you look online, you’ll find article after article extolling the virtues of co-parenting post-divorce. In fact, some even hint if not outright state that the only way to make sure your kids adjust well to the divorce is if you co-parent.

And many divorce professionals tell their clients that co-parenting is the best way to parent after divorce.

So if you’re divorced or separated and co-parenting isn’t working for you, it’s easy to understand why you might be feeling like a failure.

Yet, before you sink (deeper) into depression being afraid you’re screwing up your kids, you need to know there are some very valid and legitimate reasons why co-parenting doesn’t work for everyone.

But before getting into those reasons, it’s important to understand what it takes to successfully co-parent. Knowing what it takes will make it easier to accept and understand when and why co-parenting doesn’t work.

Successful co-parenting requires twelve things:

  1. Clear boundaries
  2. An open dialogue between both parents
  3. Consistency with rules and parenting styles in both households
  4. Pre-determined, predictable scheduling
  5. Willingness to be flexible when something comes up
  6. ZERO disrespectful talk about each other in front of or from the children…

Read more: 13 Reasons Why Co-Parenting Doesn’t Work For Everyone

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