Coparenting

The Pros & Cons Of Co-Parenting Without Talking

Mother and daughter sitting on a moped making faces in the mirror.

It’s possible, but is it in the best interest of your kids?

If divorce were only about you and your ex, you could go your silent, separate ways. No more having to compromise, negotiate, or listen to stories that have bored you for years. No more arguing, fuming, or fighting to be heard. No more “talking about it” when you just want to go ahead and do things your own way. But if you have children, co-parenting without talking won’t be so convenient.

Compared to custody and parenting arrangements from only a few decades ago, co-parenting is like a ‘180.’ No single parent is in charge, and focus is on the highest good of the children.

The key component to co-parenting is healthy communication. And, considering you may have divorced because of unhealthy communication, it may sound crazy to expect the two of you rise to the occasion now.

There can be a number of reasons that parents stop talking after a divorce. Jobs, personal schedules, new partners, shame, jealousy, incompatible communication styles, and even outright dislike for one another can cut the communication lines.

There are additional parenting options to co-parenting. Without talking to one another, you and your ex will have extra challenges…

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How To Handle Co-Parenting With An Ex Who Hates You

Couple near a tree arguing about how to handle co-parenting.

You can co-parent with minimal contact & still raise happy kids.

You would think that two adults could figure out how to handle co-parenting after divorcing. It sounds like a no-brainer, “mature” thing to expect -- that parents would naturally put their children above their own feelings.

But if life followed the ideal, couples would walk down the aisle once and for good, and co-parenting wouldn’t have to exist. 

We all know that being an adult doesn’t guarantee wisdom, discretion, or even maturity. And bringing children into the world doesn’t guarantee that parents know how to parent. (And it certainly doesn’t guarantee that they will know how to handle co-parenting after a divorce, especially when one parent hates the other.)

Once upon a time, children of divorce were awarded to their fathers because women couldn’t own property. (Yes, children were considered property.) Fast forward to the Industrial Revolution and on into the mid-20th century, and that all changed. 

Today’s adult children of divorce can easily expound on the custody arrangements of the mid- to late 1900’s. They normally lived with one parent (usually the mother) and saw the other parent only every other weekend. 

The concept of co-parenting is still relatively…

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Co-Parenting Basics For Divorced Parents

Dad who knows the secrets of co-parenting for divorced parents carrying his son on his shoulders.

Co-parenting after the end of your marriage can be really hard, but your kids are worth it.

Regardless of why your marriage ended or is ending and the angst you feel about it, if you have children, your ex will always be in your life. That’s why learning all you can about co-parenting for divorced parents will help ease the parenting relationship you’ll need to maintain with your ex and help your kids not only move forward but thrive.

What Exactly Is Co-Parenting?

Most people assume that co-parenting simply means shared parenting post-divorce. However, this isn’t accurate.

Co-parenting is shared parenting where parents work together and communicate regularly to continue parenting together despite no longer being married. Co-parenting is hard. Co-parenting requires that two people who couldn’t stay married cooperate and compromise for the sake of their child or children.

Co-parenting requires that you and your ex are consistent and unified in your parenting. Although this doesn’t mean that you and your ex need to be perfectly in synch. Just closely enough aligned that your kid/kids understand that both their parents know what’s going on and are working together for their sakes.

More than anything else healthy co-parentingis focused on the kids. It is part of…

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Keys To Co-Parenting After You Have Remarried

Newly engaged woman, who’s ready to learn the keys to co-parenting, meeting her future step-son.

Tips to help you, your kids' other parent and your new spouse work together.

Divorce can make life feel unraveled on countless levels. And no one in its sphere is immune to its effects. If you have children and are co-parenting, you know there will be new adjustments as you begin to open your life to new love. And if you plan to remarry, you will need keys to co-parenting that support your children and allow you to move on with your life.

Research shows that children of divorce who spend at least 35% of their time with each parent have better relationships with both parents. They also fare better academically, socially, and psychologically. 

The takeaway here is that shared parenting, or co-parenting, should be the goal of divorced parents committed to their children’s highest good. (However, co-parenting isn’t always possible and sometimes it isn't in the best interest of the children.)

Successfully using the keys to co-parenting requires the commitment of the parents to behave as adults. Their primary focus can’t be on their personal squabbles or lingering anger from their marriage.

And if the biological parents can’t co-parent in a healthy way, adding a new spouse to the mix won’t make things any easier.

Briefly,…

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Why Co-Parenting A Teenager Is So Hard

Teenage girl who’s unaware of how difficult co-parenting a teenager is.

It is really hard, but you can make it easier.

For most parents who divorce, co-parenting sucks. Somehow, you’re supposed to go from not being able to make a marriage work to being able to communicate and work together to raise your children. But even that gets more difficult when you’re faced with co-parenting a teenager together.

Before diving into the difficulties of co-parenting a teenager, you need to understand why it’s typically so tough to raise teenagers.

Why parenting a teenager is so hard

Adolescence brings with it amazing physical and hormonal changes which result in sexual and other physical maturation. And all these developments mean that teens have behavioral changes and mood swings.

Teens are gradually able to think more abstractly, make plans and set long-term goals. They may become more interested in philosophy, politics and social issues. They’ll likely also begin comparing themselves to their peers.

They want greater control of their own lives and independence from their parents. So their friendships and romantic/sexual relationships become very important to them.

Developing a sense of personal identity is one of the major tasks that teens undertake. And many try out lots of different ways of being – including ways that fly in the face of what…

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