Dealing With Grief

How To Stay Sane When Your Spouse Has Filed For Divorce

Your old life is over. Here's how to start your new one.

When you find out your spouse has filed for divorce, it’s pretty normal to feel disbelief – like there must be some mistake.

There’s no way they would just throw in the towel like that … would they?

Once they confirm that they do want out, you’re overcome with despair.

You wonder if you’ll survive this completely unwanted destruction of your life.

And as reality begins to sink in, your fears start to rise up. In the midst of your despair, you’re overcome with dread because you begin imagining what your life (and your kids’ lives) will become.

All you can see is misery, destruction, and legal bills.

Some of your fears are true.

Divorce will destroy your life, but only the life that was – not the life that’s ahead of you.

And believe it or not, despite how terrifying they are, your fears are actually trying to help you survive your divorce and create a new life for yourself that will really work for you.

Despite the terror they induce, your fears are warnings.

They are the absolute worst-case scenario and alert you to a risk or threat you’re facing that…

Read more: How To Stay Sane When Your Spouse Has Filed For Divorce

How To Boost Your Self-Confidence (And Get Over Your Divorce Faster)

Woman smiling because she knows you'll get over your divorce.

Use these 3 tips for building your self-confidence and get over your divorce.

Failure. That’s what divorce is. It’s the failure of a marriage.

Divorce is NOT your personal failure. Yet that’s what almost everyone who gets divorced struggles with – the belief that they are now and forever more a failure of the worst kind because their marriage went bust.

Despite knowing the logical fact that it takes two to make a marriage work and two to make it fail, it’s almost impossible not to fall into the trap of believing that somehow you’re more responsible.

And to go along with the guilt about being a failure, you’re probably comparing yourself to all those other people you know who are still married. It’s like you’re piling on misery on top of misery with no way out from underneath the suffocating weight of failure.

What you’re experiencing is normal. However, “normal” doesn’t really help you emerge from the quagmire of self-loathing. So how do you stop beating yourself up? How can you ever believe that you’re not a failure (and that you are worth loving)? By building your self-confidence.

Maybe this answer sounds trivial to you or maybe it sounds impossible. Either way, it’s obvious you’re…

Read more: How To Boost Your Self-Confidence (And Get Over Your Divorce Faster)

Yes, Homosexual Divorce Hurts Too (DUH!)

Even “nice” prejudices cause more harm than good.

I’m sick and tired of all the divisiveness we’re subjected to every day here in the US. Our culture seems to thrive on the us vs. them mentality.

We see it in the way people segregate themselves into groups with a strong loyalty that often transcends logic (often referred to as tribalism). Just a few examples include the rabid nature of our 2-party political system (especially during election time); the way we root for our favorite teams; how we identify not as being Americans, but as a particular type of American (African, Latino, Chinese, etc.); and in our sexuality.

Now don’t get me wrong. I believe having a strong sense of identity is important and that challenge can promote growth. But we go overboard with it when we use our sense of us vs. them to produce barriers that prevent communication or to promote a prejudice – even when that prejudice is “nice”.

One of the “nice” prejudices I’ve repeatedly run across has to do with same-sex divorce.

The right for same-sex couples to marry in every state is still new (it became the law of the land on June 26, 2015). Many same-sex couples have…

Read more: Yes, Homosexual Divorce Hurts Too (DUH!)

How To Deal With Loneliness When You Divorce

Learning how to deal with loneliness can feel like you’re lost and adrift at sea.

These 11 tips will help you escape from the isolation of loneliness after divorce.

Divorce catapults you into a stormy sea of emotions. Anger, disbelief and loneliness are just a few of the overpowering emotions you experience as you deal with the end of your marriage. Learning to deal with each of them is critical to your ability to move on, but learning how to deal with loneliness is one of the most difficult.

Dealing with loneliness is especially challenging because it’s a self-perpetuating emotion. It’s not energizing like anger so you can just work it out of your system by constructively expressing it. And it’s not like disbelief that you can conquer by consistently being presented with facts to the contrary.

Loneliness feeds upon itself. The more you experience it, the greater it becomes and the more difficultly you’ll have conquering it.

Loneliness grows deeper and more profound the more you experience it.

But feeling lonely as you deal with divorce is normal. You’re not really destined to be alone and lonely for the rest of your life – no matter how you feel right now.

“Feel” is a key word here because loneliness is a feeling. It isn’t a fact. And since it’s a feeling, you can…

Read more: How To Deal With Loneliness When You Divorce

There's A MAJOR Reason 'The Divorce Diet' Sounds Too Good To Be True

I know I’m not your mother, but you HAVE to eat.

Even though my ex-husband and I knew divorcing was the best answer for resolving our issues, actually going through and getting over it was one of the most difficult experiences I have had. The transition was so painful I sometimes wondered if I would ever be happy again. Was I losing my mind?

My misery was so profound that I plunged into the depths of depression and anxiety. I had difficulty sleeping, making decisions and eating. Honestly, I had so much trouble eating that I took the divorce diet to the extreme – I became anorexic.

When I look back at that time in my life, I feel tremendous amounts of compassion for the woman I was then.

She felt so lost, afraid, and out of control of her circumstances that I understand why she chose not to eat. It seemed like an appropriate choice.

There was the constant nausea.

There was the fear of gaining weight (and thereby becoming even more unlovable than she already felt).

There was the fear of spending money on food when there were so many other expenses breathing down her neck.

And then there was the sense of control…

Read more: There's A MAJOR Reason 'The Divorce Diet' Sounds Too Good To Be True

Articles Search