Dealing With Grief

Struggling With Thoughts Of Reconciliation Post-Divorce?

Man dealing with grief post-divorce and contemplating reconciliation.

Don’t worry, those thoughts are normal – whether they’re wanted or not.

They’re confusing, frustrating and add to the horrible mess of wondering if the whole divorce thing has finally driven you mad.

What I want you to know is that thoughts of reconciliation are completely normal when you’re dealing with grief after divorce.

So take a deep breath, relax knowing that you’re still sane as you read on to understand what’s up with those bizarre (and usually unwelcome) thoughts of reconciliation that are popping into your head.

Dealing with grief after divorce is a complicated thing. It’s lots different than dealing with grief after a death. Death is final. You’ll never look that person in the eyes again.

After divorce, you have the opportunity to look your ex in the eyes each and every time you hand the kids off and/or at each major event in the kids’ lives (think graduation, marriage, grandchildren, accepting a Nobel Prize, etc.). So finding closure after divorce is difficult and makes the whole dealing with grief thing more challenging.

Regardless of the grief you’re experiencing, you’re likely to go through the 5 stages of grief identified by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross:

  1. Denial and Isolation
  2. Anger
  3. Bargaining
  4. Depression
  5. Acceptance

Take…

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The Secret Grief Of Divorce You Never Talk About

Woman thinking about her grief of divorce.

Your griefs are real even if you’ve never heard anyone else talk about them before.

Divorce isn’t something anyone is ever totally prepared for. You probably know someone who’s gotten divorced and seen what they went through. But watching someone else deal with the grief of divorce doesn’t do anything to make you ready to deal with your own.

You were probably shocked to learn that your ex wanted a divorce and tried to see if you could do anything to save the marriage. Usually there’s nothing to do. Once someone comes to the point of asking for a divorce, they’re usually done and are already experiencing their own guilt and grief.

And after the unwelcome surprise of hearing the words “I want a divorce” begins to wear off, the tidal waves of grief begin to hit you. And they don’t just hit once. The waves of grief hit you again and again and again – until you’re not sure you can take it anymore.

Yet, as uncomfortable and miserable as the grief is, the only way to truly get over the painful losses resulting from the end of your marriage is to go through the grief and acknowledge each and every one of your losses.…

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People Who Do These 5 Things Are WAY Better At Handling Divorce

Yes, you can absolutely handle this!

Divorce is such a trip, tossing you head first into a world that’s largely unfamiliar. You’re suddenly forced to navigate situations (and make hard decisions) you’ve never faced before.

You’re living alone (and wondering if you’ll live alone for the rest of your life). You’re handling your finances … or what’s left of them. You’re building a personal relationship with your kids in a new way. You’re working with an attorney and legal system that don’t know (and sometimes don’t seem to care about) you and your situation. And, hopefully, you’re standing up to your ex (maybe for the first time ever).

It’s a lot! No wonder you feel like divorce is eating you alive. The constant overwhelm often leads to profound anxiety, frustration and sadness … which creates even more overwhelm. It’s a horribly vicious cycle. And, you worry your friends will stop taking your calls because you feel so needy.

Sure, you could choose to talk with your doctor about a prescription for an anti-depressant. But, a new study found alarming side effects. So, what else can you do to manage the stress without losing your mind?

Good news, there are some simple, effective ways to inject a…

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How To Use Your Divorce Heartbreak To Become A Better Parent

Mother and daughter walking and dealing with grief while discussing heartbreak.

Yes, it really is possible to express the pain of your heartbreak and become a better parent at the same time!

I know you love your kids. But when you’re recently separated or divorced, it’s easy to get lost in dealing with grief instead of parenting in the same way you did before the heartbreak of your split.

And it’s completely understandable! You’re going through one hell of a lot.

There’s a tug-of-war between what you need (to lie in bed with the covers over your head crying) and what your kids need (a parent who’s there for them as they make sense of their new life). And the constant back and forth adds to your guilt about not being the parent you were before.

What makes these seemingly opposing needs especially challenging is that the grief you’re feeling is actually changing how your brain works. Through brain imaging, researchers at Stony Brook University found similarities between romantic rejection and cocaine craving. No wonder you’re having a hard time!

But the truth is no matter how you’re feeling, you still have to parent.

So how do you accomplish both dealing with grief and parenting? By using your heartbreak as an opportunity to teach your kids about…

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Divorce: The Kind Of Heartache You Can Feel In Your Bones

Heartache can be so debilitating that all you want to do is lie down.

What to do when your heartache is so great the world just seems to be flying past.

Having your spouse tell you they want a divorce is like an unexpected punch to the gut. You’re shocked and instinctively double-over from the pain. You can’t quite catch your breath.

You’re convinced you’ve misheard them, that it’s some horrible dream that you’re going to wake up from, but it’s not. This is real.

As the shock begins to wear off, the heartache starts and it’s debilitating. You go from living life in a daze of denial to living life in so much pain you can hardly move much less think.

What happened to us? How can they really want this? What’s wrong with me? Why do I hurt so much? What about the kids? Will this pain ever end?

These and a thousand other questions run rampant through your mind, demanding answers. Yet there are no answers, no closure, only more questions and more pain.

So what can you do to relieve the heartache of divorce?

The answer is you have to allow yourself to grieve and then move on. It’s simple to say this, but not so simple to do. So, let me share with you some ideas…

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