Dealing With Grief

Want To Know How To Deal With Divorce? Stop Doing These 13 Things

Man wondering how to deal with divorce.

Knowing what to stop doing is just as important as knowing what to do to get through your divorce.

Devastating. For everyone whose spouse has decided to divorce them, that's the best description of the experience.

It's not a place you ever thought you'd be. But here you are. Your marriage has failed. You feel like a failure, unlovable and totally depressed.

These feelings are real and you must acknowledge them. But don't wallow in them. Letting these emotions rule your world will only keep you miserable.

The trouble is that the miserable feelings of divorce are insidious. They show up in sneaky, unexpected ways. And before you know it, you've succumbed to undermining thoughts and behaviors.

However, you don't have to stay stuck in the misery. In fact, by becoming more aware of your automatic behaviors and thoughts you can deal with your divorce in a much better way.

Here are 13 things you must stop doing to make it through and get over the divorce:

  1. Feeling sorry for yourself.  Say it with me, "No more pity parties!" I get that things aren't exactly going as you had planned, but wallowing in the hardship and unfairness of it all will not help you cope…

Read more: Want To Know How To Deal With Divorce? Stop Doing These 13 Things

Is Kindness The Key To Coping With Divorce?

YES! Being kind will help you heal and find happiness again.

Are you stressed out? Depressed? Does your self-esteem suck? Are you pissed beyond words at your ex? Do you have little to no patience with anyone else? Do you frequently have mood swings that make you wonder just who you are? Or do you simply wonder if you can ever be normal and happy again?

If you're still reading this, then you're either having a difficult time dealing with your divorce or you know someone who is. And don't worry, you're not alone.

Most people coping with divorce experience a wide range of emotions and thoughts they've never had before. It's easy to get caught up in the chaos of it all.

Divorce is difficult. But there is hope!

Research suggests that kindness may just be the best way to get through your divorce and feel greater happiness.

It doesn't matter whether you witness compassion, you receive kindness or you act kindly, the health benefits of benevolence are tremendous.

When you witness compassion your find a renewed faith in human nature, you experience an increased connection to others and chances are you'll be kinder too. (Psychology Today)

When you receive the thoughtfulness from others,…

Read more: Is Kindness The Key To Coping With Divorce?

4 Simple Tips For Overcoming The Misery Of Your Divorce

Your misery is the result of 4 different emotions. Deal with them separately to get yourself unstuck.

Divorce is an upheaval of all that was - all that made your life make sense. The misery that comes with all the change is profound, but there is hope.

Staying stuck is optional. You can make it through your divorce. You can experience happiness again and maybe even find love again too.

How? First, you need to understand what misery is. Then, you do something about it.

Misery is "a SOS" from your soul. It's a result of feeling alone, stifled, overwhelmed and scared. Taken on their own, each of these emotions is challenging. When you experience them all at once, the result is often soul-crushing despair.

However, your situation isn't as hopeless as it might seem to you right now. The secret to getting out of being stuck in the muck of misery is to recognize that you can deal with each of these four emotions separately. By doing so, you loosen the bonds of your despair and move forward toward being genuinely happy again.

The following simple tips will help you deal with each of the four emotions of misery so you can get unstuck and…

Read more: 4 Simple Tips For Overcoming The Misery Of Your Divorce

17 Healthy Signs You're Handling Your Divorce Like A Boss!

A childhood claim is the key to divorce recovery. Seriously!

"You're not the boss of me!" is a familiar refrain from the playground. Remember shouting it at one of your friends when they got a little too bossy?

Well, believe it or not, "You're not the boss of me!" is a fantastic thing to say to yourself whenever your divorce, your ex, your friends and family, or even your attorney seem too bossy or overwhelming.

This childhood claim of personal power is just the thing to break the tension and stress. It is your cue to stop being reactive and start being more purposeful. In other words, you really do get to be the boss of you!

How do you know if you're being a good boss? Look for these signs that you're doing a fantastic job:

  1. You talk about it, but not incessantly. Talking about what's going on helps you to come to grips with your divorce and to think of new ways to deal with all of the changes and demands. But you also know that if all you're doing is talking, you're probably stuck and could use the help of a coach or counselor to get moving forward again.
  2. You…

Read more: 17 Healthy Signs You're Handling Your Divorce Like A Boss!

Take More Responsibility For Your Breakup

It might seem counter-intuitive, but taking responsibility is the best way to get over it and move on.

Breakups and divorces hurt - a lot. About all you can think about doing is making the pain stop. You might try drinking, going out with whomever you can and blaming your ex to make you feel better.

There is a certain logic to all this. The distractions of self-medicating and attention from the opposite sex will certainly take your mind off of your immediate pain, but no distraction will ever eliminate it. Also, blaming your ex for what you're feeling can make it seem easier to deal with because it's not your fault and there's nothing you can do. (Besides maybe get even with them or make them hurt as much as you do. But these are bad ideas no matter how appealing they might be right now.)

However, distracting yourself and placing blame are the fast track to more misery - not the relief you really want.

The only way to quickly and completely move on from a failed relationship is to take responsibility for it. Yup, you read that correctly. You need take responsibility for the breakup or divorce.

Now before you start down…

Read more: Take More Responsibility For Your Breakup

Articles Search