Dealing With Grief

Take More Responsibility For Your Breakup

It might seem counter-intuitive, but taking responsibility is the best way to get over it and move on.

Breakups and divorces hurt - a lot. About all you can think about doing is making the pain stop. You might try drinking, going out with whomever you can and blaming your ex to make you feel better.

There is a certain logic to all this. The distractions of self-medicating and attention from the opposite sex will certainly take your mind off of your immediate pain, but no distraction will ever eliminate it. Also, blaming your ex for what you're feeling can make it seem easier to deal with because it's not your fault and there's nothing you can do. (Besides maybe get even with them or make them hurt as much as you do. But these are bad ideas no matter how appealing they might be right now.)

However, distracting yourself and placing blame are the fast track to more misery - not the relief you really want.

The only way to quickly and completely move on from a failed relationship is to take responsibility for it. Yup, you read that correctly. You need take responsibility for the breakup or divorce.

Now before you start down…

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Feeling Heartbroken? 3 Ways to FINALLY Get Over Your Ex

Drowning your sorrows in Häagen-Dazs and Kleenex isn’t the only way to get over your ex.

Feeling heartbroken over the loss of a relationship colors the whole world a shade of gloomy gray. Misery and grief are all you can recognize. And although this is normal, it sure doesn’t feel that way. Most of us want to get over heartbreak as quickly as possible.

The key to getting through the gloomy, tear-stained grayness of your heartbroken existence is to go through it, to feel what you're feeling, and to see your ex differently. Yeah, I know it's much easier for me to say that than it is to do, so here are 3 steps you can take (and why you should take them) to get over your ex.

  1. Talk about your feelings; express yourself. The Huffington Post recently reported on some research Grace Larson did at Northwestern University. It turns out that it's a good idea to talk about your ex.

    Specifically, she found that people who talked in an interview setting about their emotions made more progress than those who didn't. It's important to note that this talking wasn't focused on problem-solving or blaming, but on perspectives. They would discuss things like when they first realized…

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What Makes Grief After Divorce So Hard?

grief after divorce

The surprising reason is happiness.

A divorce can feel like a tornado has come through and wiped from the face of the earth everything you thought your life was. You’re walking around in a state of shock trying to make sense of what has happened. And you’re just not finding much of anything to rebuild your life upon. The grief can simply be overwhelming.

Why is it like this? Why do divorces hurt so much?

As odd as it may sound, we experience such profound grief after divorce because of our search for happiness. The search for happiness is in our DNA. It’s one of our primal drives. We’ll find temporary highs of happiness through movies, TV shows, thrills, adventure vacations, and even songs. But none of these totally satisfy our drive. The real path to happiness is both much simpler and more complex than that.

Relationships — profoundly meaningful relationships — according to a 2012 AARP Survey, are a key enabler for happiness. Seligman, the author of Flourish, further states that positive relationships are not only key to happiness, but well-being in general. And yet different types of relationships provide us with different types of happiness. Obviously, this begs the questions: What are the most meaningful and…

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In the Depths of Divorce Despair? Here’s How to Find Hope

How to find hope like the word on this rock.

Simple ideas for finding the hope you need.

When you’re in the depths of divorce despair and you’re wondering whether or not you can stand the pain for one more second, you need to find hope. You need to find hope that you will stop hurting so much. And, you need to find hope that you can be happy again.

Some people find hope through prayer and their belief in something larger than themselves. They can find comfort in their faith. They know that no matter how alone they are feeling in any instant, they’re never truly alone.

But not everyone has this kind of faith and some find their faith faltering in the face of their grief.

How else can you find the hope you need to heal from your divorce?

You might find hope by spending time outdoors and connecting with nature. You might find hope by enjoying your children. You might find hope by playing with or cuddling your pet. You might find hope by talking with someone who understands the pain of divorce because they’ve been through it and survived to create a happier life for themselves. You might even find hope by reading inspirational quotes.

When I went through my…

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What Are You Bringing to Your Divorce?

Whatever you bring with you to your divorce will color your experience. Make sure you’re bringing what you want to have!

My husband and I are going through the process of selling our home and buying a new one. If you’ve ever gone through the sale and purchase of a home, you know how stressful this process can be.

We’d been talking about moving for a couple of years, but hadn’t done anything else about it because it was easier to just stay put and complain instead of being willing to do what we knew to be right for us and move.

Luckily, when we were making some minor remodels to our home, we mentioned to our contractor that we were thinking of moving. Well, this woman heard our deep desire for something different and challenged us to put up or shut up.

We rose to the challenge – mostly. We still had some bumps in the road to getting our house ready to put on the market and fully committing to the work necessary on our parts. But, we did get our work done.

And you know what happened? We had a full-price contract on our home within 48 hours of putting it on…

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