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Life After Divorce

Is It OK To Be Dating During Divorce?

My answer just might surprise you!

One of the loneliest times of your life is when you're getting divorced. One moment you're living with someone, having daily casual contact with someone you believe loves you.

And the next...you're on your own.

Sure, the kids and the pets may still be living with you (at least occasionally), but that's entirely different from sharing your life with a partner.

It can take a really long time to get your divorce legally finalized and the loneliness of being on your own can feel crippling. So it's only natural to be curious about dating. (You're probably also wondering if you're still lovable and attractive too, but that's a topic for another post.)

Unless the divorce laws where you live or the circumstances of your divorce would penalize you for dating before your divorce is finalized, casual dating before your divorce is final could be a great thing for you to do. That is IF you keep the following in mind:

  1. Dating has changed since the last time you were out there.I don't know about you, but I sure didn't find my first husband online. (Although that's exactly how I found my current one.) Yet online dating…

Read more: Is It OK To Be Dating During Divorce?

3 Annoying People To Ignore While You’re Getting Divorced

Sometimes those closest to you can be the most annoying when you’re getting divorced.

Divorce is hard. There's absolutely nothing easy about turning your life upside down and inside out. 

Divorce is something most couples stumble into unexpectedly. You just can't prepare yourself for something like that, so when it happens just about everything feels unfamiliar and phony.

Of course you'll ask for help, guidance, or just a strong shoulder to lean on when the going gets tough. But, believe it or not, the very people you're likely to rely on may end up making your divorce even harder than necessary (or, at least, more annoying). So, what's a great tip for getting through divorce well? 

Spend less of your precious time and energy listening to people you're better off ignoring.

You need to focus on making a new "normal" for yourself and your kids, healing from your divorce, and moving on with your life. All things you just can't do if the people in your life bring you down. 

Who are these people you'd do better to ignore? Surprisingly, they're the exact people you usually turn to first:

1. Your ex

Most likely the things your ex is saying sounds like nagging or them trying to control you ("Haven't you talked with your attorney yet?" or…

Read more: 3 Annoying People To Ignore While You’re Getting Divorced

4 Tips For Decreasing The Cost Of Your Divorce

If you’re struggling with the cost of divorce, here are 4 tips to help you save on attorney fees.

With the average cost of divorce in the US at $15,000 (investopedia.com), it's really no surprise that most people cite cost of divorce as one of their top 2 concerns when getting divorced. $15,000 is a hefty sum to most couples. It's not unusual for couples to seriously consider staying unhappily together rather than getting divorced simply because of the cost. Some couples decide to get divorced and then start saving for it.  They'll choose to continue living together (which is very difficult for most) to minimize expenses and start saving so they can eventually get divorced. Even those couples who are more comfortable with the average price tag of a divorce don't want to have to pay more than necessary.

So how do you cut the cost of your divorce?  Follow these four tips and you'll significantly your divorce cost.

  1. Keep a notebook, file folder, or spreadsheet that you use to record EVERY interaction you have with your attorney and their staff.  The reason for this is that going through divorce is stressful and when you're stressed you aren't always thinking at…

Read more: 4 Tips For Decreasing The Cost Of Your Divorce

Why Choosing the Right Divorce Process Will Make Your Divorce Easier

How to get a divorce is one of the biggest questions you'll ever face.

Guest post by Karen Covy, divorce lawyer, mediator, educator, and advisor. She’s also the author of “When Happily Ever After Ends: How to Survive Your Divorce Emotionally, Financially, and Legally”.

When you start thinking about divorce, the first question that pops into your head is probably not going to be: what divorce process should I use? Yet, there really is no question that is more important. The divorce process you choose dramatically affects your experience of divorce, and your life after divorce. Here is a summary of your divorce process options, and a few ideas about how to choose the process that will work best for you.

Divorce Process Choices

  1. Mediation – Mediation is a process in which an independent, neutral third party (a mediator) works with you and your spouse to help resolve your divorce issues yourselves. The mediator can not give you or your spouse legal advice. The mediator also can not force you to make an agreement. The mediator can facilitate a discussion between you and your spouse, as well as brainstorm options to settle your case that will result in a “win/win” situation wherever possible.

    Mediation Works Best for: People who want to resolve their issues outside of court and decide as many…

Read more: Why Choosing the Right Divorce Process Will Make Your Divorce Easier

3 Signs Your Ex Is An Emotional Bully (And How To Handle It)

Feeling beat up every time you talk to your ex? Don’t let them get to you anymore.

Do you feel drained after every conversation, text, or email with your ex? If so, you might be dealing with an emotional bully.

For most of us, divorce is already a very emotionally difficult time. We're grieving the losses and loneliness. We're afraid we're not good enough and we even wonder if anyone will ever really love us.

Brené Brown says that the twin fears of 'not being good enough' and 'fear of disconnection' are at the root of shame. Leveraging these natural shame-based fears against us during divorce is exactly the tactic emotional bullies use.

Emotional bullies manipulate through shame and blame. They're masters of creating even more misery during a time when we're already vulnerable.

So, how do you know if your ex is an emotional bully? Here are three of their tactics (and how to deal with them):

  1. Nothing you do is ever good enough. Your ex makes statements like "... and you say you put the kids first," "you should be ashamed of yourself," and, "you never were any good at ____."

    To deal with this type of bullying, you must do two things. First, remember you are…

Read more: 3 Signs Your Ex Is An Emotional Bully (And How To Handle It)