7 Things To Remember When You’re Feeling Scared Of Life After Divorce

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February 22, 2019

You can overcome your fears if you learn to listen to them differently.

When the Kansas tornado picked up Dorothy’s house and whisked it off to Munchkinland, she was naturally afraid. Feeling scared of life after divorce isn’t much different, really.

Marriage, with all its imperfections and frustrations, is the thing you “know.” Or at least you think you do. It’s the “Auntie Em,” the point on your compass that you at least recognize. And familiarity is comforting -- even, ironically, when it’s uncomfortable.

Whether or not you wanted to end your marriage, divorce represents the tornado that can wipe out your dreams in one pass. Even if you see it coming, it doesn’t tell you where it’s going to drop you. Or how hard.

It’s only natural to feel scared of life after divorce. To fear being alone. To worry about your kids. To worry about finances. To dread attorneys, courts and fees. To feel angry, hurt, robbed.

The post-divorce rubble can leave you scrambling to find even one thing that represents home and happiness to you. Friendships and family ties get weird, and some disappear altogether. Money is a major issue, and often there is no retirement in place to even cushion…

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What Life After A Divorce At 50 Is REALLY Like

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October 1, 2018

Divorce is difficult at any age but divorcing at 50 or later has unique challenges.

Divorce rates may be highest for people under 50; but divorce rates for those over 50 have practically doubled since 1990. And for those over 50 who are ending a second or third marriage, the statistics are even worse.

Life after a divorce at 50 is unique in both its immediate consequences and future outlook.

The upward trend of divorce after 50, led by the Baby Boomer generation, has been so dramatic that it now has its own epithet: gray divorce.

Obviously, there are characteristics unique to people and marriages in the “50’s+” stage of life.

Those who married in their 20’s or even 30’s have history -- and probably children -- together. Many spouses have been together for more than half their lives, making life after a divorce at 50 a veritable unraveling of a lifetime.

As life expectancies continue to climb and gender roles continue to equalize, there are more opportunities for individuals to grow. There are also more opportunities for them to grow apart. (A testament, perhaps, to the fragility of relationships and the need to invest in their sustainability.)

By the time people reach middle-age, children are…

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What To Do If You Find Yourself Saying, “I Hate My Life After Divorce”

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January 8, 2019

It’s possible to have a great tomorrow even if today your life after divorce sucks.

Perhaps you wanted your divorce. Perhaps not. Perhaps it was for the best. Perhaps not. But if you are thinking, “I hate my life after divorce,” something has to change. Divorce may be an unexpected reality in your life, but it doesn’t have to be your life’s demise.

Let’s start with some validation -- because if you’re reading this, you are probably in some pain and looking for answers.

Divorce is gut-wrenching. It’s the consummate reversal of things hoped for, things dreamed of, things promised. It rearranges every corner of your life.

It can add therapy bills to your expenses and divide your personal and material assets in ways you couldn’t have imagined. You see your children half as much, your self-esteem takes a hit, and the future can seem non-existent.

Quite frankly, it sucks. And it’s no wonder you’re saying, “I hate my life after divorce.”

But it doesn’t have to stay that way. There is light at the end of the tunnel, and it’s not that train you’re feeling chased by at the moment.

If you find yourself stuck in the pain of your divorce, two reasons may…

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Rebuilding My Life After Divorce Wasn’t Easy, But The Effort Was Worth It

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September 17, 2018

Rebuilding your life isn’t easy by any stretch of the imagination, but if I can do it so can you.

When I was dealing with my divorce, I never thought I would get to this place — this vantage point of talking about “rebuilding my life after divorce.” When I say I was “stuck,” I was stuck! Add “spiraling” to the mix, and I’m sure you get the ugly picture.

Divorce is traumatizing on just about every level. The shifts in finances, custody and other pragmatic matters can be seismic in their effects. And the emotional upheaval can leave your life shattered when your world comes crashing down.

You would think that the person initiating a divorce would skate through the process less scathed than the other — at least emotionally.

But it really doesn’t matter if one person initiates the split or both partners come to the table with the same mindset. It sucks. It hurts. It turns your life and your sense of self inside out.

Little did I know that rebuilding my life after divorce would be just as difficult as living in an unhappy marriage. The defining difference was that one scenario was a slow, hopeless death of my spirit,…

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