Surviving Infidelity

So You Cheated … Now What?

Details: September 19, 2017

The way forward isn’t easy, but it’s the best direction to go.

You can’t change what’s happened, no matter how much you may want to. The fact is you cheated.

Now, what you do about it, no matter what it is, will completely change your marriage.

Obviously, your actions broke your spouse’s trust. What may not be so obvious right now is that you also damaged your self-respect. It’s the impact your behavior has on you and your mate that has you wishing you could change the past.

The first step out of this mess is to figure out why you cheated and why you cheated now.

People have affairs for all kinds of reasons. According to Esther Perel, some people cheat in search of “an expansive experience that involves growth, exploration, and transformation.” And sometimes people betray their spouse because there are significant problems in their marriage.

Don’t be surprised if you have a hard time figuring this out. It’s actually a good thing if this is difficult for you because it means that you’re being completely honest with yourself. It’s also an indication that you might do well to work with a helping professional to get to the bottom of why you…

How Cheating Affects The Cheater

Details: July 24, 2017

The one who was betrayed isn’t the only victim of cheating.

The betrayal of infidelity hurts. The cheater’s actions hurt the spouse who was betrayed, their children, their families, close friends, and even their community.

But these aren’t the only people infidelity hurts. Cheating hurts the cheater too.

You’re probably wondering how cheating could possibly hurt the one doing the betraying because they’re the one who is apparently doing what they want without caring how it impacts anyone else.

How cheating affects the cheater is profound. Her/his actions hurt them, their marriages, and all their other important relationships.

Despite the initial thrill of an affair, cheating can negatively affect the cheater emotionally. It’s common for them to feel anxiety, guilt, shame, worry, regret, confusion, embarrassment, and self-loathing when they contemplate how their actions impact those they love and why they cheated in the first place.

When he/she thinks about and experiences how their actions impact them they feel the sting and anguish of their poor judgment.

All of these thoughts swirling through their heads and the rollercoaster of their emotions can lead cheaters to live two completely different lives while the affair continues. One where they feel the addictive ecstasy of love and one where they…

What Causes Infidelity In Marriage?

Details: May 22, 2017

There’s healing help in knowing these four reasons why married people cheat.

Most people don’t become curious about the causes of infidelity until it’s impacted them personally.

Maybe they’ve cheated, are cheating, or are considering cheating and don’t understand how they wound up in this situation. Maybe they’ve discovered their spouse has been or is being unfaithful. Maybe they’ve found out someone close to them has had or is having an affair.

Regardless of your reason for wanting to understand what causes infidelity in marriage, gaining some clarity about the possible reasons can help you begin to heal from the repercussions of the betrayal.

In general, what causes infidelity in marriage falls into one of four categories.

The straying spouse has unmet emotional needs.

Image credit: Unsplash

Among the many different feelings reported as being at the root for infidelity are loneliness, neglect, unappreciated, emotionally irrelevant, fear of growing older, sadness, anger, resentment, boredom, disconnection from their spouse, trapped, isolated, disrespected, insecurity and bitterness.

Of course experiencing feelings like these don’t mean it’s OK to have an affair. They simply indicate that the person experiencing them is in pain.

And when someone is in pain, they try to make it stop. Although there are many ways to alleviate…

Why Infidelity Leads To Divorce For Some Couples, But Not All

Details: June 27, 2017

Why infidelity leads to divorce for some couples, but not others

Each couple dealing with infidelity has 3 options for how they will move forward.

Discovering that your spouse has been unfaithful is horrifying and confusing. You search for explanations for how your partner could have made the choice to betray you.

You wonder if there’s something wrong with you. Or maybe there’s something wrong with them. Or maybe there’s something wrong with both of you. Or maybe there’s something evil about the person your spouse had the affair with. Or …

As your thoughts roll around and around ceaselessly, so do your emotions as you try again and again to make sense of things now that trust has been broken.

Why infidelity leads to divorce for some couples and not others is a necessary question to answer when you’re dealing with infidelity in your own relationship.

For some couples, infidelity means their relationship is over. For others, they continue on as if nothing happened. And still others emerge from the trauma of infidelity stronger and happier together than ever before.

What are the differences between these groups?

There are three different reasons why couples divorce after the discovery of an affair:

One of the spouses had already decided to divorce before the infidelity was brought to light.…

The 5 Best Tips For Surviving Infidelity Triggers

Details: May 1, 2017

Surviving infidelity triggers is something this woman triumphed over using the best tips.

Despite the trauma, you can beat the triggers of betrayal.

Discovering that your spouse has had or is having an affair is one of the cruelest betrayals you can ever suffer.

The person you chose to trust implicitly threw your trust away as if it meant nothing to them – as if you meant nothing to them.

Whether you decide to work on repairing your marriage or to divorce, you must figure out how to heal.