Surviving Infidelity

What Infidelity Does To A Marriage May Not Be What You Think

Details: March 28, 2017

Woman contemplating what infidelity does to a marriage.

It isn’t quite as cut and dried as you might think.

If you’re like most people, you got married with a certainty of two things:

1. You will be one of the lucky ones who made it to “happily ever after”

2. If your new spouse ever cheats on you, your marriage will be O.V.E.R.

Being certain of two ideas that seem completely opposed to each other seems a bit strange. But that’s the truth of how most of us enter marriage – idealistic and protective.

These ideas reflect the society we live in. We’re taught from an early age to believe in fairy tales filled with Princes and Princesses that fall in love and live “happily ever after.” Yet we’re also taught that not everyone is to be trusted. So if someone betrays you in any way, the relationship with must end immediately.

Now that you’ve discovered your spouse has cheated, these two certainties aren’t quite as clear cut as you thought they were when you married. That’s at least in part because the idea of something is WAY different from the reality of it.

Maybe divorceisn’t the only answer after all. But that doesn’t mean your marriage can simply…

11 Reasons Why An Affair Is A Bad Idea

Details: March 9, 2017

Woman reminding herself why an affair is a bad idea despite her temptation.

Having an affair is one of the worst decisions you can make for yourself – and your family.

You’ve been unhappy in your marriage for a while now. It seems that things will never change – that your spouse will continue ignoring your needs.

You’re tired of feeling stuck, ignored and unloved in your marriage. So when someone else shows you the attention you’ve been craving you’re naturally drawn to them.

But before you continue down the slippery slope you’re precariously perched upon, pause and examine why having an affair is a bad idea.

Affairs hurt everyone – not just your spouse. They hurt you, your lover, their spouse, your children, their children, your family, their family, your friends and their friends. That’s a lot of people.

And before you start wondering too much about what an affair is, know that anytime you feel the need to keep a relationship secret from your spouse – regardless of whether you’re having sex with this other person or not – you’re having an affair.

Just what makes infidelity so bad?

These are the biggest reasons why an affair is a bad idea:

You’re choosing to live in fear of changing your marriage.

If everything was great in your marriage,…

I Cheated. What Should I Do?

Details: May 6, 2016

Coming clean is the best thing you can do.

So you’ve cheated and now you’re feeling a mixture of guilt and elation. Elation that it was so fun (and easy). And guilt because you have a spouse who trusts you implicitly.

And so you struggle. You wrestle with whether or not you should tell them because you know if you do, there will be repercussions. You could even lose her/him if you tell them the truth.

So you begin rationalizing … Biologically we’re all wired to cheat and there’s no beating my DNA. Right? It was only one time. They’ll never find out.

But that’s all just game playing. Your struggles with whether or not to tell them mean that you know you should, but that you’re scared.

You’re afraid of letting him/her know you’re not as good a person as they think you are (or maybe even as you thought you were). You’re frightened about their reaction when you do tell. And you’re worried because you could lose your marriage.

Despite your fears, coming clean with your spouse is the best thing for both of you.

Still not sure you want to tell? Then, here are the 3 most important reasons you should:

You had…

Bi In Hetero Marriage: Am I Cheating If I Have Homosexual Sex?

Details: January 9, 2017

The answer is definitely … it depends.

Outside of the legal definition, marriage is a commitment that two people make to each other. For most couples the commitment includes monogamy.

But what happens if a bisexual person enters into a marriage with a heterosexual person and still wants to have homosexual sex? Will they be cheating if they do?

If you’re bisexual and in this situation, you know this is a complicated question to answer. Yet by your willingness to answer it you’re doing a couple of great things. First, you’re honoring yourself by being aware of your needs (and your sexual identity). Second, you’re displaying love and respect for both your spouse and your marriage.

Getting back to answering the question … The only way to know if having sex with a same sex partner is cheating on your spouse is to look at your specific situation.

Situation 1: Your spouse knew you were bisexual and wanted to continue having homosexual sex when you married.

Since your spouse entered into the union knowing your sexual orientation and that you still wanted to fulfill your desire for sex with a same sex partner, you probably figured out a way to respectfully communicate about when you…

4 Reasons You MUST Tell Your Spouse You Cheated

Details: October 19, 2015

Even if you're scared, coming clean with your spouse is the best thing for both of you if you want to save your marriage.

Not everyone who has an affair set out with the intention to cheat. Most affairs just sort of happen. That's probably how you wound up in this situation - by accident.

Part of you thinks it was a very happy accident because you've not felt this alive in years. Then there's the other part - the part that's guilt-ridden about betraying the trust of your spouse.

It's the guilty part that's got you wondering if you should come clean with your spouse and admit your infidelity. But it's also got you fearful of the additional guilt you'd feel if you saw (and had to deal with) your mate's reaction.

Most people in your shoes feel trapped and that just sucks.

My guess is that if your spouse made you feel as good as you do with this other person you never would have cheated in the first place. Heck, I'll even bet that your spouse used to make you feel this good, but somehow life got in the way and your relationship changed. And this just adds to the misery you're feeling.…

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