Surviving Infidelity

How To Get Over An Affair When You Cheated

Man holding his head and wondering about how to get over an affair when you cheated.

The path forward won’t be easy, but healing is possible.

When infidelity quakes a marriage, concern usually rallies around the betrayed spouse. Figuring out how to get over an affair when you cheated is most often left to...well...you.

Overcoming infidelity is a gut-wrenching process, regardless of a decision to stay in or leave the marriage.

Your load of guilt, confusion and loneliness may weigh in close to the weight of your spouse’s pain. But you may not feel worthy of the same sympathy and support available to your devastated spouse.

The jilted spouse may feel surprising emotions like shame and embarrassment, and may not want to share the reality with anyone. But there will always be an abundance of supportive resources to guide him/her to healing.

Learning how to get over an affair when you cheated, however, and assuming you want to repair your marriage requires your commitment to healing two lives: your spouse’s and your own. And that can feel like a double life in itself.

Even if your marriage dissolves as a result of your infidelity, you will have to do a lot of work to heal from your affair. You will have guilt, loss and behavioral patterns to process.

And…

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How To Get Over An Affair Your Husband Had And Make Your Marriage Work

Woman embracing her husband after discovering how to get over an affair your husband had.

It won’t be easy, but you can get past this and create a better marriage together.

How do you get past this? Knowing how to get over an affair your husband had when you can’t even breathe -- it feels impossible. How can you even want to stay with him? And how do you imagine life without him?

Affairs aren’t the exclusive scarlet letter of the immoral and heartless. They happen with and to all kinds of people...and to all kinds of marriages. They may be thoughtless, selfish and seemingly heartless in terms of damage done. But they are not necessarily the choice of those incapable of love and commitment.

And that can make your decision of whether and how to get over an affair your husband had and make your marriage work all the more difficult.

It’s easy to jump to the conclusion that, if your husband has an affair, he is choosing the “other woman” over you. It’s only natural to assume that he wants her more than he wants you. And therein lies the sting that causes your self-esteem, self-worth and dreams to implode.

People may think they know how they would act in response to learning of a spouse’s affair.…

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Who Does Infidelity Affect?

Who does infidelity affect? The short answer is the entire family like the one pictured here.

It’s not just the betrayed spouse who suffers.

Few things are as rending to love, let alone marriage, than the scourge of infidelity. But besides the jilted spouse, who does infidelity affect?

There is no question that infidelity undermines the very foundation of committed love. It wipes out trust and replaces it with shame, embarrassment, anger, depression, and often irrevocable loss of intimacy.

When a spouse cheats, the question of “Who does infidelity affect?” is rarely the frame of reference for the choice to stray.

Being self-consumed with one’s own needs and/or lack of fulfillment in the marriage can blind one to the harm done to others. It can even blind one to the long-term harm to oneself.

Who does infidelity affect? It affects far more than you would think, including family and friends close to the marriage.

But the most sensitive barometers of change, especially change that “doesn’t feel right,” are children.

They may not have finely honed communication skills or the authority to make life decisions, but children are incredibly perceptive. And what they perceive becomes formative in their neurological and emotional development.

The emotional reaction to parental infidelity is similar to the reaction to parental divorce...except deeper, and with potentially more…

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How Infidelity Changes You Whether You’re The Betrayer Or Betrayed

Woman lost in thought about how infidelity changes you.

Infidelity impacts you in profound ways regardless of which side of the betrayal you’re on.

Infidelity changes everything about a relationship. How could it not? But how infidelity changes you isn’t necessarily so sweeping and general, regardless of your role in the mess.

Dr. Jay Kent-Ferraro attempts to dispel the cliché myth that “once a cheater always a cheater.” Because of his experience — as a clinician and an unfaithful spouse — he makes the point that affairs are complex and always have a purpose to them.

By seeking to understand the reason and purpose behind an affair, both the betrayed and the betrayer can approach healing — and even redemption — with insight and wisdom.

And that’s true regardless of whether or not they stay together.

How infidelity changes you depends not only on who you and your spouse are heading into the affair, but who you are committed to becoming once the affair is exposed.

No matter what circumstances led to the affair, no one in its wake will be left unscathed. Yes, that goes for the cheater, too.

Again, there are always reasons — not excuses — and a purpose behind the unfaithful spouse’s choice to stray. But “once a cheater…

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Why Do Married Men Cheat And Stay Married?

Man playing with his ring wondering, “Why do married men cheat and still stay married?”

Be prepared, these reasons may infuriate you or produce feelings of empathy.

It’s a common question today that seems to go hand-in-hand with the questions about respect between the genders that we’re still struggling with as a society: Why do married men cheat and still stay married?

In my years working as a divorce coach, I’ve met several men who fall into this category. These men have a paramour that their wife doesn’t know about. And these men choose to stay married despite their infidelity and the fact that something must obviously be missing from their marriages.

What I’ve discovered is that there are three main reasons why married men say they cheat and yet remain married:

  1. Some unfaithful men still love their wives and yet need something more.

    The something more they crave could be excitement, support, sex or any other need that they believe their wives are just not able to provide.

    In some cases, they have asked their wives for what they need. And for some reason, these men – either correctly or incorrectly – believe their wives have denied their requests.

    In other cases, the men have not asked their wives. And the reason they haven’t usually has to do with pre-judging…

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