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Surviving Infidelity

How To Survive Infidelity And Divorce

Man who is struggling with how to survive infidelity and divorce.

These three tips are exactly what you need so you’ll heal and survive the betrayal.

Finding out your spouse cheated (or is cheating) leaves you breathless with shock and starts your whole world spinning wildly as you try to make sense of things. And just as you start to catch your breath, your thoughts explode and you’re bombarded with a million questions.

 

How could they do this?

Doesn’t s/he love me?

Why wasn’t I enough?

What’s wrong with me?

And then, almost before you know what’s happening, … you’re getting divorced.

You struggle to make sense of who this person, who was your beloved and now is your opponent, is. How could they behave in such an abhorrent way? It’s as if you never really knew them.

Of course, you already lost your trust in them when you found out about their affair, but now you’re starting to mistrust yourself. Shouldn’t you have seen the signs? Can you tell the difference between someone telling you the truth and lying? Do you even know what’s real anymore? Are you capable of ever trusting someone again? Can you trust yourself?

Now you struggle daily with mistrusting just about everyone, but especially men, if your husband had…

Read more: How To Survive Infidelity And Divorce

What Infidelity Does To A Marriage May Not Be What You Think

Woman contemplating what infidelity does to a marriage.

It isn’t quite as cut and dried as you might think.

If you’re like most people, you got married with a certainty of two things:

1. You will be one of the lucky ones who made it to “happily ever after

2. If your new spouse ever cheats on you, your marriage will be O.V.E.R.

Being certain of two ideas that seem completely opposed to each other seems a bit strange. But that’s the truth of how most of us enter marriage – idealistic and protective.

These ideas reflect the society we live in. We’re taught from an early age to believe in fairy tales filled with Princes and Princesses that fall in love and live “happily ever after.” Yet we’re also taught that not everyone is to be trusted. So if someone betrays you in any way, the relationship with must end immediately.

Now that you’ve discovered your spouse has cheated, these two certainties aren’t quite as clear cut as you thought they were when you married. That’s at least in part because the idea of something is WAY different from the reality of it.

Maybe divorceisn’t the only answer after all. But that doesn’t mean your marriage can simply…

Read more: What Infidelity Does To A Marriage May Not Be What You Think

Bi In Hetero Marriage: Am I Cheating If I Have Homosexual Sex?

The answer is definitely … it depends.

Outside of the legal definition, marriage is a commitment that two people make to each other. For most couples the commitment includes monogamy.

But what happens if a bisexual person enters into a marriage with a heterosexual person and still wants to have homosexual sex? Will they be cheating if they do?

If you’re bisexual and in this situation, you know this is a complicated question to answer. Yet by your willingness to answer it you’re doing a couple of great things. First, you’re honoring yourself by being aware of your needs (and your sexual identity). Second, you’re displaying love and respect for both your spouse and your marriage.

Getting back to answering the question … The only way to know if having sex with a same sex partner is cheating on your spouse is to look at your specific situation.

Situation 1: Your spouse knew you were bisexual and wanted to continue having homosexual sex when you married.

Since your spouse entered into the union knowing your sexual orientation and that you still wanted to fulfill your desire for sex with a same sex partner, you probably figured out a way to respectfully communicate about when you…

Read more: Bi In Hetero Marriage: Am I Cheating If I Have Homosexual Sex?

11 Reasons Why An Affair Is A Bad Idea

Woman reminding herself why an affair is a bad idea despite her temptation.

Having an affair is one of the worst decisions you can make for yourself – and your family.

You’ve been unhappy in your marriage for a while now. It seems that things will never change – that your spouse will continue ignoring your needs.

You’re tired of feeling stuck, ignored and unloved in your marriage. So when someone else shows you the attention you’ve been craving you’re naturally drawn to them.

But before you continue down the slippery slope you’re precariously perched upon, pause and examine why having an affair is a bad idea.

Affairs hurt everyone – not just your spouse. They hurt you, your lover, their spouse, your children, their children, your family, their family, your friends and their friends. That’s a lot of people.

And before you start wondering too much about what an affair is, know that anytime you feel the need to keep a relationship secret from your spouse – regardless of whether you’re having sex with this other person or not – you’re having an affair.

Just what makes infidelity so bad?

These are the biggest reasons why an affair is a bad idea:

  1. You’re choosing to live in fear of changing your marriage.

    If everything was great in your marriage,…

Read more: 11 Reasons Why An Affair Is A Bad Idea

I Cheated. What Should I Do?

Coming clean is the best thing you can do.

So you’ve cheated and now you’re feeling a mixture of guilt and elation. Elation that it was so fun (and easy). And guilt because you have a spouse who trusts you implicitly.

And so you struggle. You wrestle with whether or not you should tell them because you know if you do, there will be repercussions. You could even lose her/him if you tell them the truth.

So you begin rationalizing … Biologically we’re all wired to cheat and there’s no beating my DNA. Right? It was only one time. They’ll never find out.

But that’s all just game playing. Your struggles with whether or not to tell them mean that you know you should, but that you’re scared.

You’re afraid of letting him/her know you’re not as good a person as they think you are (or maybe even as you thought you were). You’re frightened about their reaction when you do tell. And you’re worried because you could lose your marriage.

Despite your fears, coming clean with your spouse is the best thing for both of you.

Still not sure you want to tell? Then, here are the 3 most important reasons you should:

  1. You had…

Read more: I Cheated. What Should I Do?

Want To Know The Pitfalls Men Face When Divorcing?

Divorce is one of the most painful and complicated things you'll ever experience.

 

10 most common

 

Get your FREE copy of "The 10 Most Common Problems Men Face When Going Through Divorce" ebook.

 

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