Unhappy Marriage?

How To Fix An Unhealthy Marriage And Get That Loving Feeling Back

Married couple hugging under a tree after discovering how to fix an unhealthy marriage.

Yes, it is possible.

Considering how important relationships are, it’s amazing, really, how often people expect them to simply take care of themselves. Even more so when a relationship has gone the next step to marriage. It seems too many couples forget to focus on the constancy of effort required to make a marriage thrive. They do the upfront work of love to get to marriage. But eventually, they find themselves wondering how to fix an unhealthy marriage.

Recommended Reading: 3 Definite Signs You Should Get A Divorce

Once a marriage has eroded to the point of being unhealthy, the idea of falling back in love may seem unattainable. Figuring out how to fix an unhealthy marriage — assuming it’s fixable — is one thing. Getting back into the groove of “that loving feeling” may just be too much to ask.

Or is it? 

Consider that 42-45% of first marriages end in divorce, and that percentage increases with each subsequent marriage. 

What is it about walking down the aisle that makes those early-love dreams so vulnerable to destruction? Do people not know how to pick the right partners? Do they not know how to be the right partners? Do they take each other…

Read more: How To Fix An Unhealthy Marriage And Get That Loving Feeling Back

How To Know If You Need To Stay In Your Miserable Marriage Or Divorce

Woman sitting on her bed wondering if she should stay in her miserable marriage or divorce.

Here are some ideas that can help you make the right decision for you.

Deciding whether to stay in your miserable marriage or divorce isn’t the no-brainer you might think. There are so many factors to consider, not the least of which is the nature and degree of your “misery” itself. Throw in children, finances, length of marriage, religion and other influencers, and your decision just got tougher.

When you feel paralyzed by a seemingly impossible decision, it’s only natural to want a superpower force to swoop in with the answer. But we all know that rarely happens. And when faced with the decision to stay in your miserable marriage or divorce, you are likely to get more questions than answers. Even Glenda the Good Witch would point her starred wand at your feet and remind you that the answer lies within you. 

In other words, you got yourself into this marriage. >You have to do the painful work of deciding whether and how to stay in it. Help is always available for those who seek it. But only you can decide to accept it.

(However, there are certain circumstances that demand you divorce. Find out what those are in this article: How To Know When…

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7 Surprising Things That Will Make You Miserable In Your Marriage

Family walking across the street yet one of these parents is miserable in their marriage.

Sometimes an unhappy marriage can just creep up on you.

Are you miserable in your marriage? Maybe you are, maybe you’re not, maybe you’re just unsure.

Do you think your spouse is miserable being married to you?

For many of us, it’s normal to have thoughts about our marital happiness – especially when things aren’t going well because we’ve hit a rough patch.

However, it’s also possible to be miserable in your marriage and not be completely aware of it.

Here are 7 different ways you may be making yourself miserable in your marriage – without even knowing you’re doing it.

  1. You’re happily doing your own thing.

    It’s important that each spouse have interests outside of the marriage that help them each to feel happy and vital. However, when the outside interests regularly interfere with or even prevent spending quality time with your spouse, it’s time to take note.

    Happy marriages require that the spouses spend time connecting and that means they spend time together – having sex, playing, talking about important stuff, doing new things and doing the chores. It’s these shared experiences that help to strengthen the marriage bond.

  2. Believing you can change him/her.

    Hope is a beautiful thing because it can keep…

Read more: 7 Surprising Things That Will Make You Miserable In Your Marriage

How Unrealistic Expectations In Marriage Can Lead To Divorce & What To Do About Them

Frustrated man in white t-shirt struggling with his unrealistic expectations in marriage.

You must be able to separate realistic from unrealistic expectations in marriage - if you want your marriage to last.

In 2005, the National Fatherhood Initiative published a report on a national survey they conducted on Marriage In America. One of their findings was that 45% of divorced respondents said that unrealistic expectations in marriage by them and/or their spouse was a major contributor to the end of their marriage. That’s nearly half of all divorces being caused in major part because of unrealistic expectations.

If you’re in an unhappy marriage and want to explore ways to improve your relationship, looking for and addressing unrealistic expectations might be a great place to start.

Where do expectations come from?

We all have expectations. We expect the sun to rise in the east and set in the west. We expect that our heart will pump without our conscious thought. We expect that we will outlive our children. And when we marry, we expect that we will be married for the rest of our lives.

Each of these expectations is based on our personal experience, understanding and/or hopes. They emerge from our beliefs about how the world works.

Beliefs and expectations can be rational or irrational. They can be based…

Read more: How Unrealistic Expectations In Marriage Can Lead To Divorce & What To Do About Them

What To Do If You’re Struggling With A Miserable Second Marriage

Woman looking over the landscape wondering what to do about her miserable second marriage.

Some ideas to consider before throwing in the towel.

 

The New York Times reported that 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce. Given a statistic like that, it makes sense that if you’re miserable in your second marriage that you might be wondering if it’s time to call a divorce attorney.

But before you pick up the phone, take a deep breath and consider exactly what it means to be struggling in your second marriage.

There are a multitude of reasons why second marriages fail and just as many for why others make it. To get to the bottom of what’s making yours so unhappy, let’s look at two categories of problems you might be having. The first are common to every marriage and the second are common to second (third, fourth…) marriages.

The most common struggles all married couples need to come to grips with include:

  1. Ideals vs reality

    Happily ever after doesn’t just happen. It takes work – lots of work – every single day of your lives together.

    Since life isn’t a cake walk, marriages and spouses have good days, meh days and bad days. If your second marriage is going to work, you both need to recommit on a daily basis…

Read more: What To Do If You’re Struggling With A Miserable Second Marriage

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