Unhappy Marriage?

9 Keys For Fixing An Unhappy Marriage

Woman holding her husband’s arm and contemplating the keys for fixing an unhappy marriage.

Are you committed to bringing your marriage back to life?

You may have no idea how you got here. But one day you woke up and realized that you haven’t been happy in your marriage for a long time. And now you have to decide between fixing an unhappy marriage or ending it.

Hopefully you’re not ready to throw in the towel. But your disappointment in where your marriage is warrants a fearless and compassionate examination.

And, if you’re going to restore your relationship to the hope and happiness it once had, you’re going to have to work for it.

Here are 9 keys for fixing an unhappy marriage. All are doable, with promising benefits, if you are committed to bringing your marriage back to life.

  • Stop doing damage. 

    Fixing an unhappy marriage is a difficult, forward-aspiring effort. Even with the best intentions, there will be times that feel like dead-ends and lessons in futility.

    But one thing’s for sure: There can be no forward momentum when there’s negativity pulling you backward.

    If you’re to have any hope of repairing your marriage, you have to stop doing the damage that broke it. No more snide remarks. No more disapproving body language. No more blame. No…

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What To Do If You’re Unhappy With Your Marriage & Depressed

Unsmiling woman dressed in white who is unhappy with her marriage and depressed.

It’s time for a reality check.

You walk down the aisle expecting eternal bliss, even though you know better. You eventually settle into more realistic expectations, learning as you go that happiness evolves and deepens in meaning with life’s challenges. But sometimes there is a harsh reality check: You’re unhappy with marriage and depressed.

You may not know which came first or if one is causing the other. When and how did I become unhappy? Is my spouse unhappy, too? Is this depression a result of my unhappy marriage, or is it somehow fueling the unhappiness in my marriage?

Despite the futility you may feel, your questions have merit. And doing the uncomfortable work of answering them could be the difference between saving your marriage and health...and not.

The interconnectedness of being unhappy with marriage and depressed has research to back it up. Each component – marital dissatisfaction and depression (and anxiety) – can affect the other. And the task incumbent upon the suffering spouse(s) is to figure out if one factor is giving rise to or exacerbating the other.

When you’re unhappy in a relationship, you may be so aware of your emotional unrest that you don’t realize the physical and mental unrest…

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How To Decide If Your Marriage Is Just Unhealthy Or Completely Toxic

Unhappy man contemplating whether his marriage is unhealthy or toxic.

If you’ve ignored the early signs, your unhealthy marriage might have become toxic.

Every relationship has its emotional ebbs and flows. And locking in your commitment through marriage doesn’t guarantee steady waters for life. When boredom sets in or tempers flare, you may start wondering what happened to your fairytale utopia. What if I made the wrong choice? What if our marriage is unhealthy? What if the person I married isn’t really the person I married?

Even the best of marriages navigate predictable stages. No one can remain saturated in those stimulating, excitable romance hormones forever. At some point, couples have to live, return to work, raise children, deal with crises, see family and friends.

Ask the experts and they will tell you there are as few as three and as many as twelve stages of love. The number is less important than the message: love evolves. It is no more static than your feelings, preferences, and hairstyles are static.

But that doesn’t mean love can’t be steady and sustained. And, when the question of whether a marriage is unhealthy arises, it’s important to return to this awareness. How do you know if your healthy marriage has become unhealthy? And, worse yet, how do you know if…

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How To Escape A Miserable Marriage

Unhappy man looking out a window wondering how he can escape his miserable marriage.

It’s time to make a plan.

The vision of marriage is all about diving into life’s riches together. When you’re dating, you can’t get enough of one another. When you’re walking down the aisle, you see only the good that lies ahead. Nowhere in this fairytale is there a chapter on how to escape a miserable marriage. You don’t need it because...well, you just don’t need it. Your love, after all, is perfect. He’s perfect. She’s perfect. And love conquers all.

OK, hypnosis over. Back to reality. Even the most jaw-dropping carriage can be a glitzy cover for a rotting pumpkin. Bippity-boppity-boo doesn’t guarantee forever.

The first reality check is acknowledging (and preparing for) the fact that marriage isn’t all about holding hands and skipping through fields of gold. It’s work. Hard work. But hopefully the kind of work that is entered into with a vision toward personal and relational growth.

That’s why emotional maturity and a commitment to developing good communication skills is imperative. Without them, you will be more likely to see boredom, fighting, and periods of loneliness as signs that you made a mistake.

There are several shades of red in the red-flag category. Your marriage may simply be going through…

Read more: How To Escape A Miserable Marriage

What Is Unhealthy Communication In Marriage?

Couple sitting by a fire who aren’t speaking because of unhealthy communication in their marriage.

Once you know what it is, you’ll be able to begin making your marriage better.

The joy of falling in love is usually – at least in part – rooted in the natural ease of communication with one another. You have so much in common. You think so much alike. You resolve your disagreements seemingly before they happen. You say please, thank you, and I’m sorry. You listen, care, avoid judgment, and put one another first. But somewhere along the line unhealthy communication in marriage starts to eat away at your relationship. 

It’s insidious and doesn’t always have a clear beginning. But if you don’t wake up and recognize it, it will definitely have a clear end. 

If healthy communication is the glue that holds happy marriages together, then unhealthy communication in marriage can be the relationship’s unraveling.

Think about people and things you hold in high esteem. A work of art, a musician, an actor, a surgeon – they can all leave you in awe. But why? What makes you revere, applaud, respect one entity over another?

Chances are it has something to do with how effortlessthe execution of quality seems. When you are in the presence of “masters,” you don’t have to…

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