Unhappy Marriage?

How To Know If You Need To Stay In Your Miserable Marriage Or Divorce

Woman sitting on her bed wondering if she should stay in her miserable marriage or divorce.

Here are some ideas that can help you make the right decision for you.

Deciding whether to stay in your miserable marriage or divorce isn’t the no-brainer you might think. There are so many factors to consider, not the least of which is the nature and degree of your “misery” itself. Throw in children, finances, length of marriage, religion and other influencers, and your decision just got tougher.

When you feel paralyzed by a seemingly impossible decision, it’s only natural to want a superpower force to swoop in with the answer. But we all know that rarely happens. And when faced with the decision to stay in your miserable marriage or divorce, you are likely to get more questions than answers. Even Glenda the Good Witch would point her starred wand at your feet and remind you that the answer lies within you. 

In other words, you got yourself into this marriage. >You have to do the painful work of deciding whether and how to stay in it. Help is always available for those who seek it. But only you can decide to accept it.

(However, there are certain circumstances that demand you divorce. Find out what those are in this article: How To Know When…

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How Unrealistic Expectations In Marriage Can Lead To Divorce & What To Do About Them

Frustrated man in white t-shirt struggling with his unrealistic expectations in marriage.

You must be able to separate realistic from unrealistic expectations in marriage - if you want your marriage to last.

In 2005, the National Fatherhood Initiative published a report on a national survey they conducted on Marriage In America. One of their findings was that 45% of divorced respondents said that unrealistic expectations in marriage by them and/or their spouse was a major contributor to the end of their marriage. That’s nearly half of all divorces being caused in major part because of unrealistic expectations.

If you’re in an unhappy marriage and want to explore ways to improve your relationship, looking for and addressing unrealistic expectations might be a great place to start.

Where do expectations come from?

We all have expectations. We expect the sun to rise in the east and set in the west. We expect that our heart will pump without our conscious thought. We expect that we will outlive our children. And when we marry, we expect that we will be married for the rest of our lives.

Each of these expectations is based on our personal experience, understanding and/or hopes. They emerge from our beliefs about how the world works.

Beliefs and expectations can be rational or irrational. They can be based…

Read more: How Unrealistic Expectations In Marriage Can Lead To Divorce & What To Do About Them

What To Do If You’re Struggling With A Miserable Second Marriage

Woman looking over the landscape wondering what to do about her miserable second marriage.

Some ideas to consider before throwing in the towel.

 

The New York Times reported that 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce. Given a statistic like that, it makes sense that if you’re miserable in your second marriage that you might be wondering if it’s time to call a divorce attorney.

But before you pick up the phone, take a deep breath and consider exactly what it means to be struggling in your second marriage.

There are a multitude of reasons why second marriages fail and just as many for why others make it. To get to the bottom of what’s making yours so unhappy, let’s look at two categories of problems you might be having. The first are common to every marriage and the second are common to second (third, fourth…) marriages.

The most common struggles all married couples need to come to grips with include:

  1. Ideals vs reality

    Happily ever after doesn’t just happen. It takes work – lots of work – every single day of your lives together.

    Since life isn’t a cake walk, marriages and spouses have good days, meh days and bad days. If your second marriage is going to work, you both need to recommit on a daily basis…

Read more: What To Do If You’re Struggling With A Miserable Second Marriage

7 Surprising Things That Will Make You Miserable In Your Marriage

Family walking across the street yet one of these parents is miserable in their marriage.

Sometimes an unhappy marriage can just creep up on you.

Are you miserable in your marriage? Maybe you are, maybe you’re not, maybe you’re just unsure.

Do you think your spouse is miserable being married to you?

For many of us, it’s normal to have thoughts about our marital happiness – especially when things aren’t going well because we’ve hit a rough patch.

However, it’s also possible to be miserable in your marriage and not be completely aware of it.

Here are 7 different ways you may be making yourself miserable in your marriage – without even knowing you’re doing it.

  1. You’re happily doing your own thing.

    It’s important that each spouse have interests outside of the marriage that help them each to feel happy and vital. However, when the outside interests regularly interfere with or even prevent spending quality time with your spouse, it’s time to take note.

    Happy marriages require that the spouses spend time connecting and that means they spend time together – having sex, playing, talking about important stuff, doing new things and doing the chores. It’s these shared experiences that help to strengthen the marriage bond.

  2. Believing you can change him/her.

    Hope is a beautiful thing because it can keep…

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Why Leaving An Unhappy Marriage May Not Make You Any Happier

Sad woman faking a smile as she considers leaving an unhappy marriage.

There are no guarantees.

Most assume there are only two choices when faced with an unhappy marriage: stay and be miserable or divorce and be happy. But you have more choices than just staying or going. Staying doesn’t have to equal misery. Leaving an unhappy marriage doesn’t always lead to happiness.

Marriages are very complicated and unique to each couple. What is the worst possible situation imaginable to one couple is merely a bump in the road to another.

Recommended Reading: What Does An Unhappy Marriage Look Like?

Each spouse in a marriage is unique too. You and your spouse each had different experiences before you ever met that molded each of you. Some of this shaping was helpful and some you may still be working through because it trips you up at times.

Then there are the experiences that you’ve had together. Some have probably been good. While others haven’t. You and your spouse may even disagree on which experiences have been good and which weren’t.

However you’ve made it to the point where you’re searching for information about leaving an unhappy marriage, you need to understand what doing so does and doesn’t mean.

Divorce is one of the most distressing life eventsyou can…

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