Living In An Unhappy Marriage | Dr. Karen Finn

What To Do If You Have An Unhappy Marriage But Are Afraid To Leave

Details: September 21, 2018

Man contemplating what to do about his unhappy marriage that he’s afraid to leave.

You don’t need to stay stuck in an unhappy marriage. You can choose to be happy again.

Spouses who are in an unhappy marriage but are afraid to leave will question not only their marriages, but themselves. And, while outsiders may be quick to judge those who linger in misery, the cleaving is rarely simple.

Marriage doesn’t bask forever in wedding day euphoria, though it may be healthy and happy. It has its proverbial ups and downs, and sprinkles even the happiest partners with periodic longings for independence.

When marriages take on the dark cloud of being unhappy or even toxic, however, countless descriptors come up:

infidelity
violence
anger issues
indifference
drug/alcohol abuse
lying
sexless
control/dominance
improper/abusive parenting

And yet, when people are in an unhappy marriage but are afraid to leave, their reasons for not leaving can almost skirt the gravity of their unhappiness:

staying together for the kids
not wanting to part with money
not wanting a lesser lifestyle or loss of home
overwhelmed by the divorce process
fear of loneliness

The underlying resistance to leaving an unhappy marriage, however, almost always comes down to fear.

The prospect of divorce feels shameful and embarrassing.
The thought of court, conflict and expenses creates panic.
The person…

What Does An Unhappy Marriage Look Like?

Details: July 16, 2018

Does your marriage exhibit one or more of the typical symptoms of an unhappy marriage?

It’s normal to wonder about the viability of your marriage when you’re not as happy as you’d like. And the wondering can be both frightening and confusing. “Are we really that unhappy?” “What does an unhappy marriage look like?” “Is this salvageable?” “Is it me?” “Is it him?” “Is it her?” “Maybe all marriages get to be ho-hum. We can’t expect to be truly happy forever, right?”

It’s not unusual for couples to spend years in an unhappy marriage before it dawns on them to ask, “What does an unhappy marriage look like?”

Yes, there are the obvious betrayals -- infidelity, abuse, addiction -- but symptomatically even these don’t guarantee divorce. The truth is, there is never just “one” reason, one symptom, that causes a person to choose divorce.

Unhappy marriages grow insidiously from a lack of correction of harmful -- even if subtle -- behaviors and choices. And happy marriages taken for granted and left undernourished can render their partners asking, “How did we get here?”

The very thing that makes romantic love so exclusive and unique is the same thing that…

How To Escape An Unhappy Marriage

Details: January 26, 2018

How to escape and unhappy marriage by finding the correct exit.

Divorce is not the only way to find freedom from a miserable marriage.

If you’re desperately wondering how to escape an unhappy marriage, your life has become intolerable. That’s because feeling miserable in your marriage colors your entire world and sucks the joy out of nearly everything.

You know there is a better way to live because things used to be better. But now all you can think about is escaping the misery. And the place to start planning your escape route is with understanding why you are so unhappy in your marriage.

Maybe your spouse consistently treats you with a lack of respect. Maybe you and your spouse have poor or nonexistent communication about anything other than the bare necessities of making things in your household work. Maybe your spouse completely ignores your needs for connection. Maybe there’s something else going on in your life that you don’t want to deal with. Or maybe your situation is even more dire, and your spouse is abusive to either you or your children.

To succeed in escaping your unhappy marriage, you must get crystal clear about exactly why you’re so unhappy in it. The time you take to reflect on the core cause of your unhappiness…

What To Do If You’re Bored And Unhappy With Marriage

Details: May 23, 2018

A couple who is feeling bored and unhappy with marriage.

You don’t have to settle for feeling bored and unhappy with marriage. Things can be better.

Many people simply accept being bored and unhappy with marriage as normal. They believe you can’t feel the elation and attraction you felt when your love was new forever.

However, there’s a huge gap between the feelings of being in love you had when your relationship was new and feeling bored and unhappy.

Choosing to settle for feeling meh about your marriage is not only extremely sad, but it can negatively impact your health. Do you really want to accept this as your fate? Probably not.

Just because you know you’re tired of feeling bored and unhappy with marriage, doesn’t mean you know what to do about it. So, it’s time to consider your options.

One option you have is divorce. Yet if the only problem in your marriage is that it’s in a rut and it’s lost its spark, divorce is an extreme response.

Another option you can consider is continuing to feel bored and unhappy with your marriage. If you were truly willing to settle for this type of marriage, you wouldn’t be reading this article.

The final option to consider is bringing life back to your marriage.…

How To Know When You MUST Get A Divorce

Details: September 11, 2017

Even when everybody else thinks it should be obvious to you, it rarely is.

As confusing as it is for most people to decide if they need to get a divorce or not, there are three situations that require you get a divorce if you (and your kids) are to live a healthy life.

Your spouse has an addiction that they refuse to get treatment for despite your repeated requests.
Your spouse is abusing you or your children.
Your marriage is a horrible example for your children AND you’re willing to let your spouse parent the kids on their own.

If you’re not in one of these situations, it can seem pretty clear cut that these marriages need to end.

The trouble is that if you’re in one of them, it’s not nearly so easy. These situations usually develop over time. It’s like the story of the frog in the pot, things change gradually over time and you don’t really notice how bad things really are. You need someone looking in from the outside to give you a different perspective.

Unfortunately, you probably don’t have anyone who can look at your marriage with an unbiased eye because they’ve watched the gradual change in your marriage too.…

Unhappy Marriage?