Can The Holidays Save My Marriage?

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November 14, 2016

These five ideas could give you the inspiration you need to save your marriage this holiday season.

Did you know that in most of the English-speaking countries that January is the most popular month to file for divorce? I see the January effect every year in my practice.

And when I ask my January and February clients why they (or their soon-to-be-ex) decided to file for divorce in January they usually say they wanted to give their family one last holiday season together.

On the one hand, this is a lovely gift for them to give their family. And on the other, I wonder if it’s possible to look at the holiday season as a time to ask “How can I use the holidays to save my marriage?”

The only way I can begin to answer this question here is to look at the top 5 reasons couples divorce and offer suggestions for how the holidays offer unique opportunities to begin addressing each of them.

How Can The Holidays Save My Marriage From …

1. A Lack Of Commitment? Marriage takes work – a lot of work. (And so do the holidays.) But what if you sat your spouse down and explained that the only gift you wanted…

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How To Answer The Question ‘Is My Marriage Over?’

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September 23, 2016

You can confidently and without regret answer this question for yourself.

One of the most difficult questions you’ll ever ask yourself is "Is my marriage over?" It’s rarely a simple yes or no that you can confidently offer as a response. (There are some circumstances when you should immediately choose to divorce, but, thankfully, people dealing with those situations usually already know they need to end their marriage.)

You’ll struggle with this question for several reasons.

"Is my marriage over?" is a highly emotionally charged question. Your emotions ping pong between upset, sadness, fear, worry, nostalgia and a whole host of others as you struggle to figure out your answer. And when your emotions are so strongly engaged it’s almost impossible to think clearly.

The stakes are high when you begin asking this question. You’re facing a fork in the road. Either you stay or you go. There’s no in-between.

Although you’re asking yourself ‘Is my marriage over?’, the truth is that your answer will impact many more people than just you. Obviously, your spouse and kids (and pets) will be deeply affected by what you choose. But so will your family, your spouse’s family, and your friends. It’s a whole lot of…

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Married To A Drama Queen (Or King)? Here’s How To Handle It

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October 26, 2016

Use these four steps to better manage the outbursts of your drama queen or king.

Remember when you first met your spouse? They seemed so alive and fearless about passionately expressing their emotions and opinions. They were the life of whatever gathering they were part of. And They seemed incredibly confident and sexy.

When this amazing person became interested in you, you were naturally and willingly drawn in to their exciting world.

But now, their exciting world is sucking you dry. You feel like you’re walking on eggshells because you’re afraid of triggering another episode. And you’re so drained of emotional energy that it’s hard to pursue the things that are important to you. You might even find yourself avoiding being anywhere near your high-strung spouse.

Making a marriage work takes a lot of effort on the part of both spouses. The trouble is that when you’re married to a drama queen (or king) it can seem like you’re the only adult since they’re so busy trying to grab all the attention by throwing temper tantrums and insisting that you take care of them regardless of what else is happening.

But it is possible to make your marriage work despite your spouse’s theatrical nature and…

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A Little Emotional Detachment Could Save Your Unhappy Marriage

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September 7, 2016

Use a little emotional detachment to prevent fights with your honey from destroying you.

We’ve all had them – those epic battles with our spouse that leave us shattered and questioning why we’re still with them.

As much as you dreamed of your marriage being different (and maybe even better) than those marriages you observed growing up, the reality now is that your marriage is pretty much the same as those other ones. The rosy glow of new love has worn off and you’ve discovered that your road to “happily ever after” has a few pot holes in it.

Yeah, pot holes are a euphemism for those epic battles that seem to be part and parcel of your marriage.

Fights between a married couple are so horrible at times for four big reasons.

1. Spouses know each other better than anyone else. Remember when you first fell in love and would spend hours talking? Well, that’s how you first got to know each other so well. Then as you spent more and more time together you learned more and more about each other.
   
   This deep familiarity between the two of you makes every argument more hurtful because of the underlying assumption of trust to care for…
   

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