How To End A Miserable Marriage (Without Feeling Guilty At All)

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February 6, 2017

It’s time to stop bullying yourself into staying…

One of the reasons making the decision to divorce is so painful – even when you know that leaving your marriage is absolutely the right thing to do – is that you believe doing so is wrong or bad.

So instead of sitting down with your spouse and having an honest discussion about ending your marriage, you remain stuck in your head (and your unhappy marriage) wondering how to divorce without feeling guilty.

Guilt is an emotional anchor and can prevent you from taking the actions you need to take care of yourself.

It’s tremendously difficult to shed because it’s based on the expectations you have of yourself. Expectations like being an amazing parent to your kids, being true to your spiritual and religious beliefs, keeping the promises you make to your spouse and yourself, and the family and friends who love and respect you.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with these expectations – until you use them against yourself as a reason to feel guilty about even considering getting divorced, despite knowing the only way for you to feel true happiness is to leave your marriage.

So here you are stuck between a rock and a hard place. Paralyzed…

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What To Do If You’re Wondering “Should I Get A Divorce?”

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November 28, 2016

4 tips for answering one of the most difficult questions you’ll ever ask.

If you’re wondering “Should I get a divorce?”, you’re in a tough spot. My guess is you didn’t just happen on this thought out of the blue either. There’s been a lot going on.

Maybe what’s been going on has been your spouse’s doing. They haven’t been communicating with you. They’ve been abusive. They’ve cheated. Or they’ve done something else.

Maybe what’s been going on has been your doing. You’ve stopped talking with your spouse about what’s important to you. You’ve given up. You’ve started self-medicating to deal with the pain you’re feeling. You’re having an affair. Or you’ve done something else.

Whatever has brought you to the point of asking yourself “Should I get a divorce?” you’re ready for things to change, but you’re not sure how to make things better or if “better” is even possible.

No doubt about it this is a really tough spot in which to find yourself. If you choose to stay in your marriage, what are the chances things will get better? And if you choose to divorce, how do you even begin to make that work and how will it impact the…

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Is Your Bad Marriage Bad Enough To Leave?

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January 16, 2017

Guidance for answering one of the most difficult questions you’ll ever face.

No marriage is perfect – no matter how things may look from the outside. Every couple has struggles and for some the struggles are so great that the only way to describe their union is as a bad marriage.

But there are a couple of curious things about bad marriages.

Some aren’t bad all the time or even most of the time. These are marriages that are situationally unhealthy and are reactions to something specific that happens.

The other curious thing about unhealthy marriages is that bad isn’t the same for everyone. What one couple (or one spouse) calls bad another couple easily accepts as normal.

So what causes a bad marriage?

There’s no single or simple answer here. People who are in unhealthy marriages have all kinds of ways to describe what is the root problem of their relationship woes.

• Betrayals – sexual and emotional
• Too much fighting
• Regularly receiving the silent treatment
• Not talking about problems
• Not cooperating or working together
• Not listening to understand
• Finding blame instead of problem-solving
• Being taken for granted
• Not meeting sexual needs
• Not meeting needs for intimacy
• Keeping secrets
• Passive/aggressive behavior
• Resentment
• Apathy
• Prolonged or repeated…

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Can The Holidays Save My Marriage?

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November 14, 2016

These five ideas could give you the inspiration you need to save your marriage this holiday season.

Did you know that in most of the English-speaking countries that January is the most popular month to file for divorce? I see the January effect every year in my practice.

And when I ask my January and February clients why they (or their soon-to-be-ex) decided to file for divorce in January they usually say they wanted to give their family one last holiday season together.

On the one hand, this is a lovely gift for them to give their family. And on the other, I wonder if it’s possible to look at the holiday season as a time to ask “How can I use the holidays to save my marriage?”

The only way I can begin to answer this question here is to look at the top 5 reasons couples divorce and offer suggestions for how the holidays offer unique opportunities to begin addressing each of them.

How Can The Holidays Save My Marriage From …

1. A Lack Of Commitment? Marriage takes work – a lot of work. (And so do the holidays.) But what if you sat your spouse down and explained that the only gift you wanted…

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