Can I Save My Marriage With Gratitude?

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May 20, 2016

If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. ~Wayne Dyer

According to Dictionary.com, gratitude is a feeling of thankfulness or appreciation, as for gifts or favors. Gratitude also been defined as “an estimate of gain coupled with the judgment that someone else is responsible for that gain” by Robert C. Solomon in his book The Passions.

Now if your marriage isn’t exactly blissful and you’re wondering if you can or even want to save it, feeling thankful for it isn’t an easy thing to do. BUT it may be exactly what you need to do.

According to Robert Emmons, Ph.D, gratitude has some serious, science-proven benefits that will change the way you look at the world (which, btw, includes your marriage). In one of his studies, participants who kept gratitude lists were more likely to make progress toward important personal goal.

Yes, “I want to save my marriage” is definitely an important personal goal that could be more easily gained by practicing gratitude.

This doesn’t mean that you need to feel grateful for every argument you have with your spouse. (Although you could be grateful for the learning opportunity the argument gives you, but that’s a…

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9 Ways A Man Can Make A Decision About Divorcing The Mother Of His Children

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April 22, 2016

Use these tips to determine if breaking up your family is the right answer.

Wondering if you need to leave your marriage is torturous.

Questions swirl in your mind and intrude in your day as you wrestle with the decision. Would I be better off without her? Can we afford to get divorced? Could I find happiness (or at least satisfaction) with another woman? And then the one that haunts you the most is How will divorce affect the kids?

Divorcing your wife is one thing. She’s an adult. She has the ability to take care of herself and move on with her life.

But divorcing the mother of your children is another thing entirely. Because you know ending your marriage to their mother will impact your children for the rest of their lives AND you know it will change your relationship with them forever.

You’ve done some research and virtually every reputable source you can find says that divorce negatively impacts children. So maybe you should stick it out until they’re grown. Give them the gift of being a man and toughing it out so they’ll have the solid foundation of an intact family.

But what if the example you set for them by…

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Blind Belief In Romantic Quotes Could Destroy Your Marriage

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May 13, 2016

Not all romantic quotes are true. Some sow the seeds of discontent or even divorce.

‘Tis the season for weddings. And if you’re like most people you probably wonder how many of the couples who walk down the aisle are going to make it – especially if you’re one of the couples walking down the aisle!

Like anything in life, beliefs and expectations have a lot to do with whether or not a couple will make it.

That’s why when I saw this list of romantic quotes about love and marriage that I got worried. Many of these quotes romanticize love and marriage so much that anyone who takes them to heart will have a difficult (or maybe impossible) time keeping their marriage intact.

Let me give you a few of examples.

“That’s when you know for sure that somebody loves you. They figure out what you need and they give it to you – without you asking.” Adriana Trigiani

OMG! Really?! This is an absolute recipe for disaster. Marriages take work and maintaining love takes work. The obsession of new love wears off over time and an expectation that your spouse will continue to read your mind and know exactly what you need exactly…

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Some People Aren't Good For You (No Matter How Much You Love Them)

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April 21, 2016

Including your spouse?

Love is a funny thing. We’ve heard all our lives that it’s "patient and kind, not envious, boastful or proud. Love doesn’t dishonor. It isn’t self-seeking, easily angered or resentful. It always protects, trusts, hopes perseveres and never fails." Oh, and that love rejoices in truth. (Yes, this is a paraphrase of 1 Corinthians 13.)

And then there’s our marriage vows that say, "For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health."

But do you notice? ... In those definitions, we only cover how we should demonstrate love to another. No one's teaching us how to receive love from our spouse(or anyone else for that matter).

Why does this matter? Because, when you don't know how to receive love, you end up settling. You settle for meh — for 'fine.' And you might even settle for poisonous, violent, and horrible.

You do so because you convince yourself that the problem is you — that somehow you don't act loving enough. So you try even harder and harder to love the other person, hoping that if you get good enough at it, that person will love you back. 

But here’s a harsh but loving truth:Some people are just not good for you (and never will be) and you…

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