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Unhappy Marriage?

"Happily Ever After" Isn't A Destination. It's A Daily Commitment.

A couple who found happily ever after

You might need to fix you to make your marriage work.

Most of us marry for love. We naively assume that because our love is different or we're more determined that we'll be one of the lucky couples who will arrive and remain at the magical place of “Happily Ever After” from the moment we say “I do.”

At least that’s how my first marriage started out. And I’m not alone. 99% of couples walking down the aisle for the first time believe they have arrived at the mythical land of “Happily Ever After” and that all they have to do is start enjoying the magic of it.

OK, I totally made up that statistic up because I couldn’t find any data on it. But seriously, the number of couples who believe their married life will be blissful has gotta be huge! Right?

If you’ve been married beyond the rose-colored haze of the honeymoon phase, you know that marriage is not always happy. In fact, there are moments when marriage is absolutely hell on earth.

It’s in these moments (or hours, but hopefully not days, months or years) of hell that you’re most likely to question whether or not divorce might be worth it.

Before you…

Read more: "Happily Ever After" Isn't A Destination. It's A Daily Commitment.

Can A Massage Per Day Help Keep Divorce Away? (Yes, Seriously)

Non-sexual touch is extremely powerful (healing to both bodies AND relationships)

We've all heard communication is key to a thriving relationship and we we put extra effort into learning how to speak and listen to our partners with as much compassion and love as possible.

But the truth is that effective communication, the kind that really divorce-proofs a marriage, takes a whole lot more than paying attention to the words we use. Some researchers have said that non-verbal communication counts for 70-90% of the information expressed.

One of the best non-verbal means of communication for spouses to share is ... touch.

And one of the most pleasurable forms of touch is massage. Massage releases feel-good hormones like oxytocin and reduces stress-related hormones like adrenocorticotropin. Massage also increases intimate connection. Skin-to-skin contact communicates a lot - even if the skin-to-skin contact is hand-to-hand or even hand to foot.

Massage is also pleasurable for both partners because it allows them each to focus on the shared goals of relaxation, connection and intimacy.

Several years ago, intrigued about the benefits of massage, I decided to earn my massage license. I've discovered first-hand that couples can share massages that aren't full body or require a massage table and yet are…

Read more: Can A Massage Per Day Help Keep Divorce Away? (Yes, Seriously)

Getting Divorced? Don't Be Nice

Don't beat around the bush when asking for divorce.

Sheila had been thinking about it for months and she had talked to her girlfriends about it. They were shocked by her admission — she wasn't sure she loved her husband Jeff any more.

Her friends were shocked because, even after all these years, Jeff seemed to be hopelessly in love with her. But.she just wasn't hopelessly in love with him anymore. She'd made her decision; she was going to tell Jeff she wanted a divorce.

This weekend was their twentieth anniversary and they had plans to take a long weekend at a resort without their children. Sheila reasoned that because the resort would be a relaxing setting, they would be alone, and it would provide the time they both needed to talk about divorce.

Their first evening at the resort, they had reservations at a romantic restaurant on the property. After the wine was served, Sheila told Jeff she wanted a divorce. She chose to tell him this first night so they would have plenty of time to talk about the details of the divorce. What she hadn't planned on was Jeff's shock and confusion when she told him her news. After a bit of a…

Read more: Getting Divorced? Don't Be Nice

Keeping My Word To My Husband Nearly Destroyed My Life

Surrendering little things you love about yourself will only leave you feeling empty.

The groundwork for my divorce was laid before I ever got married.

I turned 19-years old a month before I met the man I would marry just 10 months later. Back then, I used to love to go out to clubs to dance and have a couple of drinks with my friends (the drinking age was 19 where I lived). But, my boyfriend did not drink. He also didn't dance. So I gave them both up. They seemed like little things to forfeit at the time. And yet this was exactly when I started laying the groundwork for my divorce.

I was raised in a family that would drop a well-placed expletive when we were frustrated or excited. "Sh*t" is a rather multi-purpose word it turns out. But, my boyfriend did not curse. So I gave up that way of expressing myself. At the time, it seemed like just a little thing.

A couple of months before our wedding, I suddenly had a deep knowing that I shouldn't marry this man. (And this was not pre-wedding jitters.) But, you know what? I talked myself out of that deep knowing. In my 19-year-old…

Read more: Keeping My Word To My Husband Nearly Destroyed My Life

3 Ways To Make It Through The Holidays When Your Marriage Is Over!

It's time to suck it up, for the kids!

It's the holidays and you think your marriage is over. (Unfortunate timing, right?)

This is supposed to be a time when families come together. When they feel especially loving and close. Except that's not what you're feeling. Being close to your spouse is definitely not what you want. You're done. You've tried and tried, but it hasn't worked. You're through and it's over.

But you can't just drop the bomb that you want a divorce - not now at least. You'd "ruin" the holidays for everyone if you did. You want your kids to experience the magic of the season - not the fear and uncertainty of their parents getting divorced.

So you've chosen to tough it out just a little longer - just until the holidays are over, then you can have the conversation that you're simultaneously dreading and yearning for.

Toughing it out will be tough! This is not an easy decision or an easy path to take. You're asking a lot of yourself and you'll probably find yourself in lots of uncomfortable situations as the season progresses. But you're also giving your children a wonderful gift - one last holiday season with their…

Read more: 3 Ways To Make It Through The Holidays When Your Marriage Is Over!