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Unhappy Marriage?

Unhappy Marriage? Here's How to Make It Better (Part 1)

This is what an unhappy marriage looks like.

You have more power to change your marriage than you realize.

Living in an unhappy marriage can feel like you're living in a trap. You're stuck in a situation that you wish could be better, but deep down you're afraid that this is as good as it gets.

Most of us marry with some expectation that we and our spouse will always be as attuned to each other as we are when we take our vows. But very few married couples continue dating, flirting and wanting to learn more about each other on a daily basis as they did before they said "I do". And it's perfectly understandable because the reality of married life (and parenthood) are WAY different than the realities of being single and in love.

So, how can you take your unhappy marriage and breathe some happiness into it?

The first step is to get real about what your idea of "happily ever after" is now. It will be different than it was when you got married because now you know what living with your spouse is like, what the daily challenges of running your family and home are, and what trying to live a fulfilling life as an individual within a…

Read more: Unhappy Marriage? Here's How to Make It Better (Part 1)

3 Definite Signs You Should Get A Divorce

Wondering if you're seeing signs you should get a divorce?

Yes, there really are some circumstances that require you to get a divorce.

Very few marriages can be characterized as 100% "happily ever after". Every marriage hits bumps in the road. Every marriage requires effort to make them work.

But sometimes no matter how much work you put in it just doesn't seem like things get better. Or if they do get better, it's only for a little while. And that's what's brought you to this point - to wondering if you should get a divorce.

And yet it's so very difficult to know if divorce is the right answer for you. After all, you made a commitment when you got married. You've probably invested years in your marriage. And you might even have children together. But there are three situations that demand that you get a divorce:

  1. Abuse If you or your children are suffering physical, sexual, or emotional abuse from your spouse, you need to get a divorce. Absolutely. Positively. Period.

    Signs You May Be In An Abusive Relationship
    It's Time To Acknowledge Male Victims Of Domestic Violence
    How To Recognize Trauma In Children

    As much as you'd like to be understanding, forgiving and help your spouse, there's nothing you can do. Your spouse needs to decide they…

Read more: 3 Definite Signs You Should Get A Divorce

Is Marriage Good for Your Health? Maybe. Maybe Not.

The article “Why marriage can be good for your health” doesn’t even begin to tell the whole story.

TimesOnline recently published an article “Why marriage can be good for your health”. After reading the article, I believe the conclusions they reach and the research they cite may not tell the whole story.

The article looked at a 2006 study that found married people tend to have longer lives than people who are widowed, divorced/separated or have never been married. What’s most interesting to me about this statement is that there is also research that disputes this fact for women.

In 2010, the Max Planck Institute for Demographic Research released a press release about a study they did which explicitly states “The downside of marriage for women: the greater a wife’s age gap from her husband, the lower her life expectancy.”

Safety is another reason the TimesOnline gives for marriage being good for your health.  I agree that being in a committed, monogamous relationship will decrease your chances of contracting a disease through intimate encounters, but there are plenty of people I work with who believed they were in a committed, monogamous relationship who find out their spouse has cheated on them.   Marriage in and of itself…

Read more: Is Marriage Good for Your Health? Maybe. Maybe Not.

5 Brutal Signs You Are One Seriously LOUSY Spouse

Your partner isn’t the problem, sweetheart … YOU are.

A marriage takes work — lots of it — and from each spouse. And the rewards for your effort are: happiness, contentment, peace, and, of course, loving and feeling loved. 

But, what happens when you begin to question whether the hard work is worth it? What happens when the bad times significantly outweigh the good (and have for a long time)? The rewards suddenly seem more like a pipe dream than a reality. 

What usually happens once someone reaches this point is … they blame their spouse.

They blame their spouse for being a sorry, excuse for a mate and they fuel their resentment of their spouse with fantasies about divorce.

But, whoa ... wait a minute. Let's back this divorce train up for just a moment. True, being married takes work, but it's nothing compared to the effort and work that divorce requires. Getting and then being divorced is at least ten times more frustrating and infuriating than the common annoyances of marriage. Once the marriage ends, you and your spouse become straight up adversaries, who must now come to some kind of agreement about: child custody, parenting, finances, and possessions. And there's nothing easy about that.

Also, you don't just get…

Read more: 5 Brutal Signs You Are One Seriously LOUSY Spouse

Compromise Isn’t A Contest

Arguing couple wondering what is compromise.

The ability to compromise is one of the requirements for a successful long-term relationship. Although when the relationship ends, it’s pretty common to realize that what you were calling compromise really wasn’t. You discover you were giving in or giving up for the sake of keeping the peace or being a wonderful partner. In essence, you lost and your partner won.

If someone wins and someone loses, it’s not compromise. It’s a contest and there’s a score.

Although we’re taught to be good sports when we’re kids – you know be a gracious winner and a good sport about losing – I don’t know anyone who likes to lose again and again and again. That’s because continually losing in a contest can lead us to think that we’re less than our opponent. When our opponent is our partner, it’s a recipe for disaster. They start to also believe that we’re less than they are and treat us that way. Then, we start resenting them and lose a little piece of ourselves every time we stuff our thoughts and feelings for the sake of “compromise”.

Compromise isn’t about always doing what someone else expects or wants. Compromise in a relationship is about two people who respect…

Read more: Compromise Isn’t A Contest

Want To Know The Pitfalls Men Face When Divorcing?

Divorce is one of the most painful and complicated things you'll ever experience.

 

10 most common

 

Get your FREE copy of "The 10 Most Common Problems Men Face When Going Through Divorce" ebook.

 

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