Living In An Unhappy Marriage | Dr. Karen Finn

7 Tips For Changing An Unhappy Marriage For The Better

Details: December 31, 2018

Man who is contemplating the tips for changing an unhappy marriage.

These tips for changing an unhappy marriage will help you begin changing yours.

To begin changing an unhappy marriage is to welcome an avalanche of feelings, questions, disappointments, even fears. The admission is like the last finger sliding from your death-grip on a steep cliff, with nothing below to catch you.

OK, so that’s a bit dramatic. But to the person finally mouthing the words, “I’m in an unhappy marriage,” that scenario may not be too far from the truth. After all, marriages don’t just rocket out of the “happiness atmosphere” and into the black hole of despair overnight. They inch their way along with a little neglect here, some acrimony there, a veneer of denial everywhere….

If you’ve reached the point where denial is no longer an option, you may wonder if changing an unhappy marriage is possible. And if you have come to this conclusion of unhappiness alone, you may feel you are the keeper of a deep, dark secret.

It’s unlikely that one spouse is miserable while the other is basking in bliss. But it’s not unrealistic to expect that the two come to their recognition of an unhappy marriage in different ways, at different times.

The things that accumulate to damage…

7 Strategies For Saving An Unhappy Marriage

Details: November 28, 2018

Couple realizing the benefits of the work they put into saving an unhappy marriage.

Saving an unhappy marriage takes tremendous commit & a willingness to work hard on your own issues.

The bliss of “dating/engagement/wedding” is hardly a trustworthy predictor of a marriage’s success post-Honeymoon Phase. Saving an unhappy marriage may not be on a wedding-day radar, but it sometimes becomes the unexpected goal not too far into the marriage.

Anyone who has ever aspired to grow-old-together love has witnessed at least one iconic couple so interwoven at a soul level that the partners are veritably “one.” They speak and move in unison, respond with impeccable timing, and somehow, inexplicably, look alike.

The deeply-entrenched love of elderly couples who have been together almost their entire lives can be so inextricable that the spouses can’t live without one another. Literally. The stories of spouses dying within months, weeks, even hours of one another are so poignantly common that they have their own name: the widowhood effect.

Whether these beacons of hope are grandparents, friends or movie characters, their mastery of commitment gives witnesses pause to consider their “tricks.”

Were they always this happy? Did they ever fall on tough times? Did they ever get bored or angry with one another? And did they ever have to worry about…

What To Do If You Have An Unhappy Marriage But Are Afraid To Leave

Details: September 21, 2018

Man contemplating what to do about his unhappy marriage that he’s afraid to leave.

You don’t need to stay stuck in an unhappy marriage. You can choose to be happy again.

Spouses who are in an unhappy marriage but are afraid to leave will question not only their marriages, but themselves. And, while outsiders may be quick to judge those who linger in misery, the cleaving is rarely simple.

Marriage doesn’t bask forever in wedding day euphoria, though it may be healthy and happy. It has its proverbial ups and downs, and sprinkles even the happiest partners with periodic longings for independence.

When marriages take on the dark cloud of being unhappy or even toxic, however, countless descriptors come up:

infidelity
violence
anger issues
indifference
drug/alcohol abuse
lying
sexless
control/dominance
improper/abusive parenting

And yet, when people are in an unhappy marriage but are afraid to leave, their reasons for not leaving can almost skirt the gravity of their unhappiness:

staying together for the kids
not wanting to part with money
not wanting a lesser lifestyle or loss of home
overwhelmed by the divorce process
fear of loneliness

The underlying resistance to leaving an unhappy marriage, however, almost always comes down to fear.

The prospect of divorce feels shameful and embarrassing.
The thought of court, conflict and expenses creates panic.
The person…

How To Handle An Unhappy Marriage And Find Happiness Again

Details: October 24, 2018

Sad man wondering how to handle an unhappy marriage and feel happy again.

Living in an unhappy marriage hurts your entire family. Follow these steps to find happiness again.

Every marriage has its ups and downs. It’s just that when things are down and have been so for an extended period that it’s time to start considering how to handle an unhappy marriage so you can start feeling better.

After all, you deserve happiness. Your spouse deserves happiness and so do your children. Yet when you’re stuck in a miserable marriage it’s hard for anyone in the family to feel happy.

So how do you handle an unhappy marriage?

The first step is to realize that whatever you choose to do is a result of a choice you’re making (or not making).

You’ll read this article and probably lots more, but not one of them will tell you unequivocally that you need to divorce (unless you’re struggling with one of the marriage deal breakers). And not one of them will tell you that you MUST stay in your unhappy marriage.

Next, you’ll need to determine if it truly is the marriage that’s at the root of your unhappiness or if it’s something else.

Sometimes people confuse a sense of unhappiness about their life or a portion of it…

What Does An Unhappy Marriage Look Like?

Details: July 16, 2018

Does your marriage exhibit one or more of the typical symptoms of an unhappy marriage?

It’s normal to wonder about the viability of your marriage when you’re not as happy as you’d like. And the wondering can be both frightening and confusing. “Are we really that unhappy?” “What does an unhappy marriage look like?” “Is this salvageable?” “Is it me?” “Is it him?” “Is it her?” “Maybe all marriages get to be ho-hum. We can’t expect to be truly happy forever, right?”

It’s not unusual for couples to spend years in an unhappy marriage before it dawns on them to ask, “What does an unhappy marriage look like?”

Yes, there are the obvious betrayals -- infidelity, abuse, addiction -- but symptomatically even these don’t guarantee divorce. The truth is, there is never just “one” reason, one symptom, that causes a person to choose divorce.

Unhappy marriages grow insidiously from a lack of correction of harmful -- even if subtle -- behaviors and choices. And happy marriages taken for granted and left undernourished can render their partners asking, “How did we get here?”

The very thing that makes romantic love so exclusive and unique is the same thing that…

Unhappy Marriage?