Healing After Divorce

7 Things You Must Know About Healing After A Divorce Or Breakup

Man who is visibly struggling with healing after a divorce or breakup.

By keeping these truths about healing after a divorce or breakup in mind, you can heal more quickly.

It may sound trite to say that “no two relationships are alike,” but it’s true. And in the context of healing after a divorce or breakup, the maxim is just as germane.

Give a canvas, paints and brushes to all the students in an art class and tell them to render the same model. Even with the same instruction, the visual interpretations will be as unique as the artists themselves.

And so it is with giving relationship advice. The “experts” can give insight, objective observations, suggestions -- even relevant scientific data. But how you absorb and apply the counsel will be as unique as you are – especially if you’re struggling with feeling unlovable, lost and discouraged.

When healing after a divorce or breakup, it’s important to remember the unique, non-duplicatable nature of yourself and the relationship you’ve just left.

What may work seamlessly for helping one person heal may create a tangled mess for another. And one person may have a remarkable ability to move on and into a new relationship while another may embark on an unforeseen journey as a happy single.

One piece of…

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How To Get Over A Divorce After A Long Marriage

Man sitting alone and wondering how to get over a divorce after a long marriage.

These 8 suggestions will help you discover how to get over a divorce after a long marriage.

After being married for a while, it’s natural to begin identifying yourself in the context of marriage and family. So, knowing how to get over a divorce after a long marriage would therefore be as unnatural as forgetting your role as wife, mother, husband, father.

If you have been married long enough to start celebrating your precious-metal anniversaries, you may be part of the “gray divorce revolution.” Even if you are still on the road to 25, being married long enough to raise children to adulthood will make a divorce feel much the same as a gray divorce.

According to Pew Research Center, divorce rates from 1990-2015 showed a surprising age-dependent trend. While the divorce rates declined among those 25-39 (-21%), and slightly increased (+14%) for those 40-49, it more than doubled (109%) for those over 50, and tripled for those over 65.

Even though the rate of divorce is still almost twice as high for those under 50 as for those 50 and over, the trend is alarming, if not interestingly revealing.

Sometimes gray divorceis the result of empty nest syndrome. Sometimes it falls to indiscretion…

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How To Get Over An Unwanted Divorce

Sad woman wondering how to get over an unwanted divorce.

Nine realistic and practical tips to help you with your journey of healing from an unwanted divorce.

There is a saying in psychology that “All relationships end. Someone either leaves or dies.”

If you are wondering how to get over an unwanted divorce, this may be small, if any, consolation. Especially if you have been deeply invested in the relationship, it may actually sound dismissive.

In a general comparative sense, divorce is similar to death. Both are final losses, whether of people, dreams or both.

If you have been left holding the grenade of an unwanted divorce, you probably have some “yeah, but’s” to add to that argument.

“Yeah, but death doesn’t mean you still have to see the other person.”

 “Yeah, but death isn’t done ‘to’ you.”

“Yeah, but death doesn’t leave you feeling unlovable.”

Being left to figure out how to get over an unwanted divorce can also leave you feeling shamed, isolated and rejected. Your emotions will run the gamut of anger, guilt and a willingness to do anything to save your marriage.

What you may not expect is the difference in the empathy and support received in the case of death versus an unwanted divorce.

While you…

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How To Get Over An Unexpected Divorce

Woman feeling overwhelmed and wondering how to get over an unexpected divorce.

Tips for getting over the practical and emotional challenges of an unexpected divorce.

No one walks down the aisle wishing there were a rewind button. And no one says “I do” while secretly worrying about how to get over an unexpected divorce in the future.

It can seem absurd, if not surreal, to look at your life in review from the middle of a divorce. How did you go from the assurance of a happy life to the gut punch of having it ripped away?

It was only yesterday that the diamond ring was dangled. Now you’ve been served with divorce papers, leaving you to figure out how to get over an unexpected divorce.

It’s bad enough to be forced into a divorce you don’t want. But there is an extra sting, a piercing shock, when you didn’t see it coming. Wham! You’re thinking it’s time to add to the family or renew your vows, and your spouse has one foot and a suitcase out the door.

No matter how you got here or what role you played in the decision, the process of divorce isn’t easy. You will need the best of yourself in the game — alert, prepared, well-advised.

The question of how…

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How To Get Over An Unfair Divorce

Man wondering how to get over an unfair divorce.

When you stop feeling victimized and start feeling happy, you’ll be able to move on with your life.

No matter how you look at it, all divorces are unfair.

Is it fair that you’ve devoted x number of years to trying to make your marriage work only to wind up divorced? No.

Is it fair that you’re now paying child support instead of living with your children? Absolutely not.

Is it fair that s/he has already moved on with their life and you’re still in so much pain? No way in H#LL!

There’s nothing fair about divorce. But there’s a problem living with nearly constant thoughts of how unfair your divorce is. You will remain bitter, resentful and unhappy.

And when you remain in these emotions, you’ll be nearly unrecognizable to yourself and those you love. You won’t be the same fun, positive, energetic person you were before all of this happened.

Just in case you’re wondering if how you’re dealing with the unfairness of your divorce is really all that bad, here are some of the tell-tale signs that you’re focusing too much on the unfairness:

  • Complaining to anyone who will listen about how unjust things are.
  • Talking about your ex or the court or…

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