Healing After Divorce

How To Get Over An Unwanted Divorce

Sad woman wondering how to get over an unwanted divorce.

Nine realistic and practical tips to help you with your journey of healing from an unwanted divorce.

There is a saying in psychology that “All relationships end. Someone either leaves or dies.”

If you are wondering how to get over an unwanted divorce, this may be small, if any, consolation. Especially if you have been deeply invested in the relationship, it may actually sound dismissive.

In a general comparative sense, divorce is similar to death. Both are final losses, whether of people, dreams or both.

If you have been left holding the grenade of an unwanted divorce, you probably have some “yeah, but’s” to add to that argument.

“Yeah, but death doesn’t mean you still have to see the other person.”

 “Yeah, but death isn’t done ‘to’ you.”

“Yeah, but death doesn’t leave you feeling unlovable.”

Being left to figure out how to get over an unwanted divorce can also leave you feeling shamed, isolated and rejected. Your emotions will run the gamut of anger, guilt and a willingness to do anything to save your marriage.

What you may not expect is the difference in the empathy and support received in the case of death versus an unwanted divorce.

While you…

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How To Get Over An Unfair Divorce

Man wondering how to get over an unfair divorce.

When you stop feeling victimized and start feeling happy, you’ll be able to move on with your life.

No matter how you look at it, all divorces are unfair.

Is it fair that you’ve devoted x number of years to trying to make your marriage work only to wind up divorced? No.

Is it fair that you’re now paying child support instead of living with your children? Absolutely not.

Is it fair that s/he has already moved on with their life and you’re still in so much pain? No way in H#LL!

There’s nothing fair about divorce. But there’s a problem living with nearly constant thoughts of how unfair your divorce is. You will remain bitter, resentful and unhappy.

And when you remain in these emotions, you’ll be nearly unrecognizable to yourself and those you love. You won’t be the same fun, positive, energetic person you were before all of this happened.

Just in case you’re wondering if how you’re dealing with the unfairness of your divorce is really all that bad, here are some of the tell-tale signs that you’re focusing too much on the unfairness:

  • Complaining to anyone who will listen about how unjust things are.
  • Talking about your ex or the court or…

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How To Overcome Your Post-Divorce Financial Fears

Your financial fears are a warning that you need to start thinking and doing things differently.

One of the biggest fears people facing divorce have is not having enough money after their divorce is finished. This fear strikes people of all income levels.

Now, the fact is that at first you won’t have enough money to continue living the lifestyle you had when you were married. That’s just what happens when you get divorced and you divvy up the assets and debts.

And being fearful of that change is natural because money represents important things power, security and freedom.

But your fear of not having enough money is about more than just not wanting your financial status to change. It’s also a call to start doing things differently.

And that’s because in general, fears are warnings. They alert us to the fact that there’s a risk or threat we’re facing and that we have an opportunity to do something about it.

No doubt you’ve heard that the fear response is fight, flee or freeze.

If you choose to flee or ignore your changing financial situation, chances are your financial situation will be much worse than necessary because you’ll attempt to continue to live as you…

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5 Incredible Factors You Must Consider When You Divorce Later in Life

Divorce is no walk in the park at any age. But, when you are older, it can be particularly painful. To help you with this tough transition, here are a few important tips.

Meeting New People

Friendships outside of your marriage may be affected by your divorce. It can force friends to choose sides and leave you feeling defensive and lonely. Do not let yourself be isolated. Potential social interaction outlets might include volunteer activities, hitting the campaign trail for your favorite cause or candidate, or going to community events. Yet, you should not immediately jump into a new relationship. This is especially true if the divorce is not final.

Your Kids Will Still Be a Factor

Visitation orders and child support are not part of the discussion in most gray divorces. But, the divorce proceedings may still involve adult children. It is not unusual for adult children to rely on their parents for financial support. Unless the child is in school or has a disability, support for adult children is not generally something written into a divorce agreement. However, your sons or daughters are likely to react emotionally to your divorce.

You Will Likely Lose Half of Your Retirement Money

Retirement funds and other assets are commonly…

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How Long Will It Take To Get Over Your Divorce?

Knowing these 3 phases of divorce recovery will help you understand exactly how long it will take.

The pain and confusion of divorce is so intense that at times you wonder if you’ve lost your mind. At other times, you worry that this agony is just how life will be from now on.

In less tortured moments, you know you’re still sane and that life will get better. But then you wonder when because you aren’t sure how much more of the misery you can take.

A quick Google will show you there are plenty of people who will willingly tell you exactly how long it will take you to get over your divorce. What you need to know is that they’re ALL WRONG.

These authorities are all wrong because they base their guidance on averages, observation, personal experience and personal bias. There’s no way any of that will be able to predict exactly how long it will take YOU to get over your divorce.

Divorce recovery is a process. You’ll get through it on a timeline that’s unique to you – not according to someone else’s.

So instead of looking for an exact time when you’ll be over your divorce, it makes more sense to look…

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