Life After Divorce

What To Do If Your Life Is A Mess After Divorce

Man moving out and coming to grips with the fact his life is a mess after divorce.

It’s possible for you to love your life again.

It’s a tricky, devious, exhausting struggle, this whole getting-over-a-relationship thing. And if you have been married, you know there is a lot more at stake than just a romantic hit-and-run. Marriage means you were vested in something bigger than just “two people in love.” So, if your life is a mess after divorce, it’s no wonder. 

Think about what it’s like to pack up and move from a house you have lived in for 10, 20, 30 years. Now imagine the task as an effort to downsize. 

Everything that was once neatly in its place (on cleaning day, anyway) is now...well...everywhere. Essentials, non-essentials, mementos, family heirlooms, favorites-for-no-good-reason. It’s all unearthed, waiting for a decision to be made on its destiny.

Your home is a mess. Your life is a mess. After divorce, this metaphor comes to life in every area of your existence. You don’t feel as if you are “just moving” (or that they are just moving) -- you feel as if you have been foreclosed on.

You have to move out of and move into. You have to divide, negotiate, relinquish. 

You have to explain to the children…

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What It Really Means When You Think, “I Have No Life After Divorce”

Man with his face in his hands thinking I have no life after my divorce.

Not all thoughts are true – no matter how much you believe them.

Living in an unhappy marriage can feel like no life at all. The imprisonment of feeling trapped and seeing no way out can extinguish your vitality and your hope for the future. But even in the worst of experiences that beg for an escape route, divorce isn’t necessarily a panacea. Whether or not you wanted the split, you probably didn’t anticipate thinking, “I have no life after divorce.”

It goes without saying that healing after a divorce is different for everyone. Just as there are so many unique factors and influences that come together in the commitment of marriage, so there are in a divorce. 

Not only are there differences in divorce survival from person to person, but there are gender differences in surviving the consequences of divorce, as well. In general, men tend to eventually recover from the strain of divorce, while women tend to suffer chronically. Long-term differences in income and risk of poverty along with single-parenting set the stage for stark differences in post-divorce happiness.

Depending on factors like the length of the marriage and how it ended, divorce may seem like a step off a cliff into a…

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How To Take Charge Of Your Quality Of Life After Divorce

Smiling man sitting at a table enjoying his quality of life after divorce.

You can beat divorce – if you’re willing to do the work.

The aftermath of divorce can wreak havoc with your heart and play all kinds of tricks with your mind. As if the shock, grief, and change in everything aren’t enough, you also have to worry about your quality of life after divorce. Where will I live? How will I make it financially? Will I spend the rest of my life alone?

The truth can be of little consolation when your life has come unhinged. And yet, there is consolation in the fact that the truth is just that -- the truth. When you feel no stability and no familiarity, you can at least look to that beacon of hope that is steadfast.

And the truth is this: You have more control over your quality of life after divorce than you think you do.

You will have choices to make, however. And you will have to take accountability -- for the past, for the future, and especially for the present. You may not be able to undo your divorce, but you can take charge of your quality of life after divorce. 

The biggest choice you will have to make is who is going to…

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6 Strategies To Get To The Point Where You Can Truthfully Say, “I Love My Life After Divorce”

Woman sitting outside and laughing as she realizes, “I love my life after divorce!”

Moving forward won’t necessarily be easy, but it is necessary if you want to love your life again.

It’s the end of life as you know it. It marks the influx of unknowns and full-spectrum emotions you may not even recognize, let alone be able to identify. It’s also the beginning of a paradigm shift that can leave you saying, “I love my life after divorce.”

The end of a marriage is hardly the recommended way to rediscover yourself and evolve into a newer and better you. But when divorce does happen, those people parting ways have choices to make. And those choices extend far beyond the division of assets and the determination of custody arrangements. 

At a time when your world has just spun off its axis, making decisions may seem futile, if not impossible. You may feel as if you have landed in a black hole with no vision and no sense of direction. 

But the world around you won’t stop spinning. And it won’t stop expecting you to show up if you are going to be a part of it. 

How you show up, however, can make all the difference between hating your life and saying, “I love…

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The Realities Of Life After Divorce From A Narcissist

Woman wearing pink blouse looking scared by the realities of life after divorce from a narcissist.

Life won’t necessarily be easy, but it can be better.

There was a time when even Aristotle believed that Earth was the center of the solar system. According to this geocentric model, the bright planetary bodies all revolved around us earthlings. The narcissist has a similar take on his or her position in the universe. And anyone who is or has been married to one knows this firsthand. Those who couldn’t last “‘til death do us part” know that even life after divorce from a narcissist is no picnic.

Narcissists, quite frankly, are exhausting. You can never give enough, be enough, do enough, flatter enough to satisfy their inflated sense of self. They need the world to revolve around them, to see them as the biggest, brightest star, and to praise them accordingly. 

It’s understandable, therefore, how narcissism can be problematic in a relationship dynamic that needs equality, collaboration, and empathy in order to thrive. If any one entity in a marriage has the right to be a narcissist, it’s the marriage itself, not the individuals. 

If you are trying to navigate life after divorce from a narcissist, you already know how defeating marriage to one can be. If you are in the throes of separation…

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