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Surviving Infidelity

How Cheating Affects The Cheater

How Cheating Affects The Cheater

The one who was betrayed isn’t the only victim of cheating.

The betrayal of infidelity hurts. The cheater’s actions hurt the spouse who was betrayed, their children, their families, close friends, and even their community.

But these aren’t the only people infidelity hurts. Cheating hurts the cheater too.

You’re probably wondering how cheating could possibly hurt the one doing the betraying because they’re the one who is apparently doing what they want without caring how it impacts anyone else.

How cheating affects the cheater is profound. Her/his actions hurt them, their marriages, and all their other important relationships.

Despite the initial thrill of an affair, cheating can negatively affect the cheater emotionally. It’s common for them to feel anxiety, guilt, shame, worry, regret, confusion, embarrassment, and self-loathing when they contemplate how their actions impact those they love and why they cheated in the first place.

When he/she thinks about and experiences how their actions impact them they feel the sting and anguish of their poor judgment.

All of these thoughts swirling through their heads and the rollercoaster of their emotions can lead cheaters to live two completely different lives while the affair continues. One where they feel the addictive ecstasy of love and one where they…

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Why Infidelity Leads To Divorce For Some Couples, But Not All

Why infidelity leads to divorce for some couples, but not others

Each couple dealing with infidelity has 3 options for how they will move forward.

Discovering that your spouse has been unfaithful is horrifying and confusing. You search for explanations for how your partner could have made the choice to betray you.

You wonder if there’s something wrong with you. Or maybe there’s something wrong with them. Or maybe there’s something wrong with both of you. Or maybe there’s something evil about the person your spouse had the affair with. Or …

As your thoughts roll around and around ceaselessly, so do your emotions as you try again and again to make sense of things now that trust has been broken.

Why infidelity leads to divorce for some couples and not others is a necessary question to answer when you’re dealing with infidelity in your own relationship.

For some couples, infidelity means their relationship is over. For others, they continue on as if nothing happened. And still others emerge from the trauma of infidelity stronger and happier together than ever before.

What are the differences between these groups?

There are three different reasons why couples divorce after the discovery of an affair:

  1. One of the spouses had already decided to divorce before the infidelity was brought to light.…

Read more: Why Infidelity Leads To Divorce For Some Couples, But Not All

The 5 Best Tips For Surviving Infidelity Triggers

Surviving infidelity triggers is something this woman triumphed over using the best tips.

Despite the trauma, you can beat the triggers of betrayal.

Discovering that your spouse has had or is having an affair is one of the cruelest betrayals you can ever suffer.

The person you chose to trust implicitly threw your trust away as if it meant nothing to them – as if you meant nothing to them.

Whether you decide to work on repairing your marriage or to divorce, you must figure out how to heal.

Surviving infidelity isn’t easy.

Probably one of the most difficult parts is the unexpected way seemingly innocuous situations can catapult you into chaos because something about it triggers you.

In these moments, the emotions and memories of your spouse’s infidelity come flooding back and everything else fades into the background. You’re hardly aware of how you’re behaving because your sole goal is to stop the pain and fear and to simply survive.

And living your life in fear of being triggered this is no way to live your life long-term. You need to have a way for dealing with the triggers that allows you to heal and move forward.

Here are the five best tips for surviving infidelity triggers:

  1. Accept that triggers are normal.

    Until you’ve completely come to terms with…

Read more: The 5 Best Tips For Surviving Infidelity Triggers

What Causes Infidelity In Marriage?

Man looking out window and wondering what causes infidelity in marriage.

There’s healing help in knowing these four reasons why married people cheat.

Most people don’t become curious about the causes of infidelity until it’s impacted them personally.

Maybe they’ve cheated, are cheating, or are considering cheating and don’t understand how they wound up in this situation. Maybe they’ve discovered their spouse has been or is being unfaithful. Maybe they’ve found out someone close to them has had or is having an affair.

Regardless of your reason for wanting to understand what causes infidelity in marriage, gaining some clarity about the possible reasons can help you begin to heal from the repercussions of the betrayal.

In general, what causes infidelity in marriage falls into one of four categories.

  1. The straying spouse has unmet emotional needs.


    Image credit: Unsplash

    Among the many different feelings reported as being at the root for infidelity are loneliness, neglect, unappreciated, emotionally irrelevant, fear of growing older, sadness, anger, resentment, boredom, disconnection from their spouse, trapped, isolated, disrespected, insecurity and bitterness.

    Of course experiencing feelings like these don’t mean it’s OK to have an affair. They simply indicate that the person experiencing them is in pain.

    And when someone is in pain, they try to make it stop. Although there are many ways to alleviate…

Read more: What Causes Infidelity In Marriage?

How Couples Survive Infidelity

How couples survive infidelity isn’t a simple thing, but it is possible.

If you and your spouse possess these 6 characteristics, you've got a good shot at making it.

Most people assume that if a spouse cheats then their marriage is doomed. And these people are right – some of the time divorce is the answer.

The surprising truth is that marriages can bounce back from an affair (or affairs) and become stronger than ever.

However, how couples survive infidelity and strengthen their marriages is not by following a simple set of instructions.

The couples who make it fight hard for their marriages. They’re willing to fight together as a team more often than as adversaries. They love each other and are totally committed to doing what it takes.

If cheating has shaken your marriage, you’re better off doing some serious soul-searching separately and together rather than making a knee-jerk decision about your marriage.

To help you to figure out if you’re one of the couples who can survive infidelity, you’ll want to evaluate whether you and your spouse each have (or are committed to developing) the following 6 qualities and abilities:

  1. You must be willing to work really, really hard for what you want.

    The effort needed for a couple to survive infidelity can’t be underestimated. The…

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