How Infidelity Changes You Whether You’re The Betrayer Or Betrayed

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December 10, 2018

Infidelity impacts you in profound ways regardless of which side of the betrayal you’re on.

Infidelity changes everything about a relationship. How could it not? But how infidelity changes you isn’t necessarily so sweeping and general, regardless of your role in the mess.

Dr. Jay Kent-Ferraro attempts to dispel the cliché myth that “once a cheater always a cheater.” Because of his experience — as a clinician and an unfaithful spouse — he makes the point that affairs are complex and always have a purpose to them.

By seeking to understand the reason and purpose behind an affair, both the betrayed and the betrayer can approach healing — and even redemption — with insight and wisdom.

And that’s true regardless of whether or not they stay together.

How infidelity changes you depends not only on who you and your spouse are heading into the affair, but who you are committed to becoming once the affair is exposed.

No matter what circumstances led to the affair, no one in its wake will be left unscathed. Yes, that goes for the cheater, too.

Again, there are always reasons — not excuses — and a purpose behind the unfaithful spouse’s choice to stray. But “once a cheater…

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Why Do Married Men Cheat And Stay Married?

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September 12, 2018

Be prepared, these reasons may infuriate you or produce feelings of empathy.

It’s a common question today that seems to go hand-in-hand with the questions about respect between the genders that we’re still struggling with as a society: Why do married men cheat and still stay married?

In my years working as a divorce coach, I’ve met several men who fall into this category. These men have a paramour that their wife doesn’t know about. And these men choose to stay married despite their infidelity and the fact that something must obviously be missing from their marriages.

What I’ve discovered is that there are three main reasons why married men say they cheat and yet remain married:

1. Some unfaithful men still love their wives and yet need something more.
   
   The something more they crave could be excitement, support, sex or any other need that they believe their wives are just not able to provide.
   
   In some cases, they have asked their wives for what they need. And for some reason, these men – either correctly or incorrectly – believe their wives have denied their requests.
   
   In other cases, the men have not asked their wives. And the reason they haven’t usually has to do with pre-judging…
   

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Who Does Infidelity Affect?

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October 29, 2018

It’s not just the betrayed spouse who suffers.

Few things are as rending to love, let alone marriage, than the scourge of infidelity. But besides the jilted spouse, who does infidelity affect?

There is no question that infidelity undermines the very foundation of committed love. It wipes out trust and replaces it with shame, embarrassment, anger, depression, and often irrevocable loss of intimacy.

When a spouse cheats, the question of “Who does infidelity affect?” is rarely the frame of reference for the choice to stray.

Being self-consumed with one’s own needs and/or lack of fulfillment in the marriage can blind one to the harm done to others. It can even blind one to the long-term harm to oneself.

Who does infidelity affect? It affects far more than you would think, including family and friends close to the marriage.

But the most sensitive barometers of change, especially change that “doesn’t feel right,” are children.

They may not have finely honed communication skills or the authority to make life decisions, but children are incredibly perceptive. And what they perceive becomes formative in their neurological and emotional development.

The emotional reaction to parental infidelity is similar to the reaction to parental divorce...except deeper, and with potentially more…

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If You’re Wondering, “Can I Survive Infidelity?” Here’s Your Answer

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August 12, 2018

Surviving infidelity requires that you make it though the emotional pain and rebuild trust.

The dagger of infidelity cuts deeply and scars in layers. It shreds your trust, hopes and dreams. It changes everything.

“Can I survive infidelity?” you may ask. If you are on the receiving end of your partner’s unfaithfulness, you probably feel as if you have been dealt a death blow. In one careless moment he or she has wiped out your marriage and ruined your life...forever.

If you are the unfaithful partner, you may be feeling an equal gravity, but for different reasons. “Can I survive infidelity?” may be a question more akin to “What have I done? And how do I get back what may be lost forever?”

Infidelity, without question, comes with heavy consequences. It can hit your life with the unexpected force of a tornado, and render equally disastrous effects.

A tornado doesn’t survey its target area before wiping it out. It doesn’t seek out victims based on income, home size or marital bliss. And, while infidelity certainly isn’t a random act of nature, it is equally non-partisan in its demographics.

Think infidelity is limited to unhappy marriages? Convinced you can see it coming for some…

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