Surviving Infidelity

How To Get Over Resentment After An Affair And Start Living Your Life Again

Woman sitting in a lounge thinking about how to get over resent after an affair.

Three steps to help you put the past behind you.

There are no words to adequately describe the shock and pain of betrayal. It shakes the foundation of not only your relationship, but of your reality – all of it. And you resent it. You resent the action that your spouse or partner took to destroy everything you thought your life was. Yet you also know that you can’t continue living this way and you start wondering how to get over resentment after an affair.

Luckily getting over it is possible. And it all starts with understanding what resentment is.

What is resentment?

According to dictionary.com, resentment is the feeling of displeasure or indignation at some act, remark, person, etc., regarded as causing injury or insult. And, of course, this is technically correct. However, it pales when you consider resentment that is due to infidelity.

When you feel resentment because your spouse has cheated on you, describing it as simply displeasure or indignation seems trite. Resentment after an affair is crushing. It lays you bare and exposes insecurities and fears you never imagined were possible.

It’s also overwhelming. It can consume you every time you see the person who betrayed you, the one…

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How To Overcome Marital Infidelity & Move On With Your Life

Sad man sitting on a bench struggling with ideas of how to overcome marital infidelity.

You can move forward from the betrayal if you start with these 7 steps.

Who knew that one day you’d be searching for help on how to overcome marital infidelity? It’s not an experience anyone really expects will happen to them. After all, when we marry, we all believe that we’re different, that something as painful and heinous as betrayal on this level would never ever happen to us.

Yet, here you are, wondering if you can survive the horrendous pain of your spouse’s affair. And what does surviving even mean? Do you want to stay married? Do you want to leave? How can you even begin to think clearly enough to know what you want?

When it comes to knowing how to overcome marital infidelity and move on with your life, the truth is that you need to take things slowly – at least at first. Discovering your spouse has been unfaithful is traumatic. It shakes not only the foundations of your marriage and family, it shakes the foundation of your reality.

You begin to question what is real. And wonder if s/he ever loved you. Because you assume that the only way s/he could have betrayed you would be if s/he didn’t.

The…

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Why Surviving A Wife’s Infidelity Is So Hard

Man sitting on steps contemplating the difficulties of surviving a wife’s infidelity.

Infidelity changes everything.

Surviving infidelity is hard. The sense of betrayal is profound when you learn that your spouse has cheated on you. And, yet, for many men – even those who have been unfaithful themselves – surviving a wife’s infidelity is especially brutal.

Although it’s changing, most men were taught to focus on achievements and to submerge, ignore, and deny their emotions – at least the ones that aren’t deemed powerful. When men with this type of world view marry, they often rely on their wives for the nurturing and emotional safety they deny themselves.

So when they’re faced with surviving a wife’s infidelity, one of their primary coping mechanisms for feeling whole is at risk of being permanently lost. This is profoundly terrifying. They simply can’t imagine life without their wife. Who would they be without the nurturing and emotional safety she’s always provided?

And the fear they feel naturally triggers their fight, flight or freeze response. (It can also be at the root of them saying and doing things they later regret.) Their instincts might initially drive them to fight for their marriage, to pursue divorce, or to deny the meaning of their wife’s affair.

As terrifying as it is for men…

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Marriage Rocked By Infidelity? Here’s How To Begin Getting Through It

Tear falling from a woman’s eye as she struggles to deal with marital infidelity.

Answers to the three questions every spouse who’s been cheated on asks.

After discovering your spouse has cheated, and the initial shock wears off, a million questions bombard you. How could this have happened? Why did they do it? What were they thinking? Aren’t I enough? What’s wrong with me? How did I miss the signs? … Marital infidelity is one of the most hurtful things a couple can experience and one of the most difficult to get through.

Yet, getting through it is possible.

Sometimes the best place to start unpacking and answering some of the questions about how you’ll get through the betrayal is to understand why people cheat, how common marital infidelity is and whether a marriage can survive an affair.

What is the main reason for infidelity?

According to anthropologist Helen Fisher, we all have 3 basic drives: the sex drive, romantic love, and attachment to a long-term partner. Ideally, marriage provides a partner who can meet all three of our drives, but sometimes there are other influences that cause a spouse to stray. It’s even possible for us to have our drives met by different people at the same time.

A study published in Journal of Marriage and Family found that people…

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How To Survive Infidelity And Betrayal Without Betraying Yourself

Confident woman who has figured out how to survive infidelity and betrayal.

You need to pause and get clear on what you want.

Learning your spouse has had or is having an affair is earth-shattering. In an instant, the implicit trust you’ve given them – and built your life upon – evaporates. And, shell-shocked, you’re left wondering how to survive infidelity and betrayal and move forward.

When you discover your spouse has lied to you about their fidelity, it’s natural to wonder what else they’ve been duplicitous about. When you’re married, it’s also natural to define yourself in terms of your marriage.

So, it makes sense that when you discover that your marriage wasn’t what you thought it was, you seriously question how you’ll survive and what is real.

And the only way to begin answering these questions for yourself is to gain clarity on what has happened, what it means to you, and what you want for your life.

What is the difference between infidelity and betrayal?

According to the dictionary, infidelity is the action or state of being unfaithful to a spouse or other sexual partner. In other words, infidelity is about sex.

Wikipedia defines betrayal in this way: Betrayal is the breaking or violation of a presumptive contract, trust, or confidence that produces moral…

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