- October 7, 2013
Divorce changes the trajectory of your life, but it doesn't have to define it.
Dictionary.com’s first definition of failure is “an act or instance of failing or proving unsuccessful; lack of success.” According to this definition, divorce is a failure – the failure of the marriage. Yet what I see in each of my clients (and what I experienced when I got divorced) is that going through divorce can make you feel like a failure, like you’re less than other people and have done something fundamentally wrong that you might even believe you deserve to be punished for. Granted, your divorce may be the result of poor decisions you made, but that’s different from believing that you are fundamentally bad because of the failure of your marriage.
Although believing that you are a failure because your marriage has failed is an almost universal experience, what I want you to know is that this is a flawed belief and points to a fundamental misperception that we are what happens to us along with what we do and have in our lives.
Like so many of my clients, in my first marriage, I let my marriage and all that happened as a result of it define…
Read more: Divorce Doesn’t Make You A Failure
- September 30, 2013
Divorce is one of the most stressful life events you can go through. And one of the most common symptoms of being stressed out is an inability to sleep well. Yet, sleep is one of the best ways to minimize the effects of stress by allowing your body and mind to recover. It can seem like you’re in a catch 22. You’re stressed out because of all the changes resulting from your divorce and really wanting a good night’s sleep (or two!), but you’re so stressed out and your mind never slows down long enough to get the sleep you’re craving which makes you more stressed. ARGGH!
I want you to know there is hope for a good night’s sleep. These are my top 5 tips for getting the rest you need to help you more effectively and easily deal with the stress of your divorce.
- Make sure your room is a place where (theoretically) you can easily go to sleep.Is your room dark enough? If not, get yourself a sleep mask. Is the temperature of your room conducive to sleep? If not, add a fan or more blankets or put on a pair of socks. Is your room quiet enough or too…
Read more: No More Sleepless Nights!
- September 9, 2013
Three things you need to do to successfully move on after divorce.
When I think about all the work I do as a divorce and personal life coach and how I help people navigate the chaos and confusion of divorce so they can get on to living the best of their lives, I realize that the bulk of my work really involves 3 tasks. I work with people who want to move on after their divorce people so they can:
- Take care of themselves
- Separate the present from the past and create their future
- Realize they're not alone
These are three tasks everyone is required to complete to be able to successfully move on from divorce.
So many people who get divorced give up on themselves. I was one of them. I gave up on myself when I got divorced. I thought that since I'd failed at my most important relationship what's the point? Why bother doing anything more than go through the motions of living? Yes, this was the voice of me experiencing melodrama and situational depression.
Although I didn’t know it at the time, my work as a divorce coachover the last few years has taught me that…
Read more: How To Move On After Divorce
- September 4, 2013
The biggest lies you've heard about divorce recovery... debunked!
Maybe "lies" is a bit strong; maybe the words "myths" or "stories" work better. Regardless, there is a lot of pervasive misinformation (and bad advice) about divorce out there. So I'm here to help debunk it—because divorce is hard enough without accidently making it even harder.
I've seen so many people suffer needlessly when trying to recover from their divorce as a result of believing these untruths; if you're starting over again, don't let these lies influence you.
I also suffered from divorce recovery lies when I divorced. I believed the notion that all divorces are basically the same AND that I'd get over my divorce more quickly if I didn't think about it or allow myself to feel much anger about it.
I believed that if I started dating, it meant I must be over my divorce. I didn't understand that those were such false misconceptions. But I learned—the hard way. I don't want that to happen to you. There is no one way divorce "should" go. So here are the most false ideas about divorce out there. Don't let these "lies" limit you, your healing, or your truth:
1. All divorces are basically the…
Read more: Don’t Fall For These Lies About Divorce Recovery
- September 4, 2013
Take this quick quiz and you'll know if you're ready to dive into dating.
Everybody is different and no one answer will be right for everyone.
This five-question quiz will let you know if you’re ready to start dating again or not.
- Do you want to date because your ex is?
This is what I call the “me too” reason to start dating. It is not a good reason.
Just because your ex has chosen to move on doesn’t mean you’re ready, too. Everybody heals and gets over a past relationship at a different rate.
Allow yourself the time you need to feel more like you before you start dating again.
- Can you talk about anything else besides your breakup?
If you find most of your conversations revolve around your breakup, your ex or how much you miss being in a relationship, then you are not ready to date. You are still grieving the loss of your relationship.
Your friends, family and divorce professionals are the best people to help you through your grief – not some person you just met on Match.com.
“It’s better to make sure you are past your breakup before you start dating.”
- Dating and relationships: Do you know the…
Read more: Are You Ready To Start Dating Again?