Here's the truth: what's grounds for divorce for one couple is just a bump in the road for another. You have to answer for yourself if your marriage is truly over or if you need to do some work to get it back on track.
How To Know Once & For All The Answer To: "Should I Get A Divorce?"
Clients ask me literally every day: Should I get a divorce?
Here's my answer: Every marriage is different. But, there are signs to look at to figure out if you have what it takes to save it.
That said, there are a few deal-breakers.
If these things are going on, I'm sorry to say, but likely your marriage is over:
- you, or someone in your care, is the victim of abuse by your mate
- there are untreated addictions (and an unwillingness to address the addiction after requests to do so)
- you and your spouse are providing an abysmal example for your children
But, outside of those situations, rest assured there ABSOLUTELY IS HOPE.
How do I know? Because I've seen firsthand people save their marriage. But to do so, you have to understand what is at the heart of your negative feelings.
- Why are you asking should I get a divorce?
- What has changed or gone wrong between you and your spouse that led you here?
- How long have you been thinking your marriage is on the brink of divorce?
- What are you willing to do to fix it?
- And what is your spouse willing to do to fix it?
In all my years as a divorce coach, there are a handful of common, everyday challenges that creep up and cause feelings of dissatisfaction, unhappiness, discontent, loneliness, and sadness that give the illusion that things are so bad they can't be repaired.
That is your fear talking.
Marriages are not an easy ride. Before you throw yours away, take a sober look at what is really going on. See if this is just a small issue you can repair or if the lifeblood has drained out of your marriage. If it's gone, then for the sake of your own self esteem (and your kids if you have them) you need to leave.
Most people can't see the truth when they're in it. It's like being a small ant in a field of grass; all that's around you is an endless sea green blades. Trying to KNOW how far away something is, is impossible when you can only see the exact same thing all around you - no matter where you look.
It takes an unbiased eye to look in and dissect what's happening. You don't want to make a life-altering decision based only on your feelings. You want to KNOW and that is what I do for my clients.
The biggest pain that most divorcees feel is regret. Regret that they didn't do more for their marriage. Regret that they made bad decisions or choices that pushed their partner away. As you're asking "should I get a divorce?" you have to consider that your feelings may be clouding your judgment and that is a recipe for reaction and disaster.
Don't make that mistake.
Give yourself a chance to really KNOW if your marriage is over instead of assuming it is or worse giving up. Marriages are wonderful partnerships that we all wish would last a lifetime. I have yet to meet a person who thought on their wedding day, "I'll say 'I do' for now." Most of us hope that our marriage will last forever. And yours can IF you figure out what's causing you to consider ending it.
In my work, I have identified three distinct areas that make or break relationships. I ask clients about these areas to determine the likelihood that their marriages have the potential to make it or if it's really time to explore divorce options.
How do I help you answer the question "Should I get a divorce?" Here's how it works.
- Over the course of 2 hours, I interview you to get a clear picture of your marriage and how you're doing in these 3 core areas.
- Using your answers, I build you an individualized assessment that paints back to you how your marriage looks in these areas. Showing you specifically where you're in trouble and where you're healthier than it may feel today.
- We talk over the assessment and what it all means on a 1-hour call giving you time to explore your questions, start to look at possible solutions, and identify next steps to get your life where you want it to be.
This assessment isn't for everyone. It's for people who truly want to know once and for all if there's hope and what the future looks like for their marriage instead of relying on their hunches or biggest fears to guide them. It's for those brave enough to finally answer the question that's been haunting them - "Should I get a divorce?"
I'm a divorce coach with countless experiences helping clients make this incredibly hard decision. I'm also an engineer. And what I know is that data paints a VERY different picture than feelings do. Looking at your marriage in black and white creates an opportunity for a dialog that you have never had before; one where you see in front of you the good and the bad. From there you can make an educated decision about your next steps with great consideration for everyone in your life - including YOU!
Ready to learn more?
The experience is simple. The cost for the assessment and all that's included is usually $1275 (given my hourly rate + time). But I want to make this available to more clients to help prevent breakups that don't really need to happen, and of course, to facilitate those that do need to happen.
I'm offering the assessment for only $599 and that includes everything. The personal interview, the downloadable report to help you stay on track even when we're not meeting PLUS the time spent interpreting what it all means so you know how to move forward with your life.
The uncertainty and fear about answering the question "Should I get a divorce?" is the place where clients struggle and struggle a lot. Leading researchers have shared that couples struggle on average for 6 years before making it to therapy to address their marriage woes. You are suffering now and waiting even longer (maybe years) before you find answers and relief is downright silly.
Do it now so you know once and for all if your marriage can be saved. Then you can stop asking "Should I get a divorce?" You will KNOW your answer with peace of mind and without regrets about what you are choosing for your life and the life of your family.
Still wondering if working with me is right for you? Here's what one now happily married man had to say about working with me:
"I want to say THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! My wife and I reconciled in August 2012 and dealt with a lot of underlying issues mending all of the past hurts. I have kept your advice in the forefront of my mind daily about being positive and always moving forward. The emails (newsletters) I still get always remind me to stay humble, grateful and to be happy in the moment. I can say confidently that our marriage is calmer, more supportive, more passionate than ever.Thank you for making a profound difference in my family's life!!!! You are a blessing in this troubled world." James
Once you finally KNOW your answer to "Should I get a divorce?", you'll move out of the limbo you've been living in and be able to embrace the rest of your life without any nagging regret.